When A Phoenix Cries: Hermione
by FalconLux
Summary: Not your average time travel fic, I promise. No time turner, no going back to the future, and does Hermione still belong in Griffindor? A tale of romance, adventure, and maybe a better future for everyone. Slightly AU. Rated M for language, themes, violence, and some possible smut eventually. PART 2 COMING SOON!
1. Surviving

**Introduction: ** I always like to start by setting you up a bit for what you can expect of the following story. To that end, my introduction:

For those of you following "Distraction" this is the primary WIP that I've mentioned. I'm about a dozen chapters into the writing already, so hopefully I'll be able to keep up with a new chapter about once every other day. I'll be posting chapter 2 as soon as I give it one more edit, just to get you all started.

This is going to be slightly AU. For the purposes of this story, we'll assume that Dumbledore spent less time coddling Hermione, Harry, and Ron and more time preparing them to face what was going to come – I always found that extremely annoying in canon. It won't be anything too drastic – just think bi-weekly training sessions in the Room of Requirement from the beginning of the second year on and a few other such bits and pieces.

I started this story in third person POV then switched to first, so if there is the occasional erroneous third person pronoun thrown in… Well, I tried.

**Disclaimer: I will say this only once, suffice it to say that it applies to all subsequent chapters. I am not J. K. Rowling and do not own Harry Potter, the universe, most of the backstory, or the canon characters. The way in which I manipulate them, is, however, mine.**

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**Chapter I - Surviving**

I wiped at my eyes again as I huddled on my bed in the girl's dormitory. I'd known that Dumbledore's funeral would be hard, but it had been much worse than I'd feared. It had made it so final. Dumbledore had always seemed so invincible. Of course, I knew that I wasn't alone in that opinion, but I hadn't realized how much it would hurt to see his body entombed – to finally accept that he wasn't going to show up at the head table one day with that twinkle in his eye and apologize for a late April fool's.

I'd cried so much since he'd died – so much today – that I was certain my eyes would be hideously red and puffy if I cared enough to look in a mirror. They were also sore from scrubbing the tears away with my sleeve. I'd cried so much that I wasn't sure if I'd ever cry again.

I'd told Harry after the funeral that I would join him in his search for horcruxes next year, and I would. The knowledge that I was at the end of what I was sure would be my last year at Hogwarts was only making me even more melancholy than I already had been. Hogwarts had been my second home for six years. Saying goodbye now was difficult.

A flash of red at the open window startled me and my eyes snapped up to settle on the bright red plumage of Dumbledore's familiar. Simultaneously breathing a sigh of relief and fighting a new gush of tears, I crawled off the bed to approach Fawkes. "I thought you left," I said quietly. When I extended my hand toward him slowly, unsure if he would appreciate my touch, he leaned into my hand, allowing me to stroke his soft feathers, almost hot with the heat of his body.

"I don't know what we're going to do without him, Fawkes," I sniffled. "He was the one with the plan."

Something wet and warm hit my hand and I was shocked to realize that Fawkes was crying. "I wish I could have saved him. I wish I could have done something," I apologized even though I couldn't imagine what _I _could have done.

The phoenix trilled a short collection of notes that settled over me with a deep sense of comfort.

"Thank you," I said quietly, feeling notably better, even if it was only a temporary respite.

Fawkes turned and leapt away from my window then and I watched him go. With his gift of some small bit of peace, I realized just how exhausted I was, physically and emotionally. I dragged myself into my pajamas and collapsed onto my bed. Sleep came before any further grief could subsume Fawkes' gift.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I woke feeling cold and reached blindly for my blanket. When my hand landed on moist grass instead of my warm bedding, my eyes snapped open and I lurched up to find myself lying on the ground in what seemed a park of some kind. The tint of the sky suggested predawn.

My heart leapt into my throat as I shoved myself to my feet, looking wildly around for my wand. Discovering it lying in the grass nearby came as a huge relief. I snatched it up and held it ready as I turned a slow circle, searching for a threat. I couldn't see any, so I cast a silent _Homenum Revelio_.

As soon as I cast the spell, I felt a heaviness bloom in my head, like the beginnings of a truly horrid headache, and tiny sparks of pain flashed through my body. I staggered, but forced myself to remain alert. Despite the physical discomfort, I was fairly certain that the spell had worked, and it revealed no one lying in wait.

I allowed myself to calm a bit, and tried not to overthink the pain. It must have been some sort of aftereffect of whatever had happened to bring me here from Hogwarts while I slept. I couldn't imagine what that could have been, but it did not appear that I was in any immediate danger.

Realizing that I was still in my pajamas, I quickly transfigured then into jeans and a light blue jumper to combat the early morning chill and the damp quality that suggested it may soon rain. I conjured a pair of trainers and slipped my feet into the gratefully. I'd always been talented in Transfiguration, but even so, domestic spells had not come easily to me. The ones I knew had mostly come from Molly Weasley when it had been her turn to train Ron, Harry, and me. We'd all balked at learning the relatively mundane spells rather than the things that Moody and Lupin taught. We'd been foolish then, of course. This wasn't the first time I'd made use of Mrs. Weasley's teachings.

With one last wary glance around, I slid my wand into the pocket in my sleeve where it always resided.

I was certain now that I wasn't on the grounds of Hogwarts. Had I perhaps sleep-walked out of the castle and then… Then what? Sleep-apparated? Was that even possible? Under any other circumstances, I'd have laughed at the very question. Right now, I wasn't ruling anything out.

Swallowing down my fear in favor of assessing my situation, I started walking. I soon found myself on a paved footpath and I followed that until I came to a street. Yes, I was definitely in a park. Muggle London, I thought, but I couldn't be completely sure. While the area looked familiar, everything seemed off just enough to make me second-guess myself.

It was with relief that I discovered a newspaper box. With a glance around, I unlocked it with a flick of my wand as I had no money. I noticed the sparks of pain again, but they were extremely minor, and radiated through my wand arm for only a moment. Confident that that oddity was passing, I ignored it and retrieved a paper from the box.

I was in Muggle London all right. I still couldn't imagine how I'd gotten here, but at least I knew where I was. I was supposed to take the train to meet my parents at King's Cross today. I realized that I should probably apparate back to Hogwarts and make sure that no one was worried about me and that all of my things were packed and sent back.

I was just about to put the paper back and do that very thing when the date on the paper caught my eye.

_9 July 1977_

My mind didn't want to process that information. I stared at it for a long time without fully comprehending what it meant. What was a twenty-year-old newspaper doing in that box? A pit of dread began to grow in my stomach as the truth that I was trying not to see began to fester.

Each breath coming heavier and more raggedly than the last, I spelled the box open again and rifled through the rest of the papers.

They were all the same.

Without bothering to right the mess, I ran down the block to the next box and searched that in the same way.

A different paper.

The same date.

After searching a third box, my knees refused to continue supporting me. I crumpled to the sidewalk in a daze.

Twenty years. Somehow, I'd gone back in time exactly twenty years while I slept. My mind did not want to process the information.

There weren't many people out and about so early, but when I noticed someone staring at me oddly, I forced myself to get up and move. I walked the familiar yet strangely different streets without paying any real attention to where I was going, my mind spinning in circles.

Everything that greeted my eyes seemed to laughingly confirm what I so wanted to deny. The cars, signs, clothing and other merchandise displayed in store windows, the hair and clothes of the people I passed on the street… It all told me the same thing. It really was 1977.

It wasn't until the sun had fallen below the horizon that I realized that I was starving and exhausted. My head was pounding acutely, but I hardly even noticed that. The pain seemed particularly inconsequential when compared to what had happened to me today.

I had no money and nowhere to go since I hadn't even been born yet. I'd obviously never met anyone in this time. With a twinge of guilt that my growling stomach overcame, I went into a diner, ordered a cheap but filling meal, and discreetly _Confunded_ the poor waitress to convince her that I'd already paid before I left.

Once again on the darkened evening streets of London, I was faced with my next problem. I needed somewhere to sleep. After walking uncertainly for almost an hour, I snuck into an abandoned building that seemed to have been a restaurant at one point. I picked out a spot to sleep in a small room without any windows and only one door that looked like a storage room. I warded the door against intruders, then transfigured myself a cot, blanket, and pillow from the forgotten items strewn around the room, transfigured my clothes back into pajamas, and tried to think sleepy thoughts.

I was certain that I'd never be able to actually sleep, but my exhausting day soon proved me wrong. My last thought before falling asleep was to send out a fervent prayer that I might wake up back at Hogwarts in 1997.

~.~.{o}.~.~

It took me a long, unnerving moment after waking before I understood where I was. Once I had, I rather wished I'd remained frightened and ignorant a bit longer. It had been considerably better than the truth.

I sat in that little cot for a long time, running over my situation in my head and trying to figure out what to do next.

I knew a bit about time travel from when I'd been approved for a time turner in my third year. Most of what I knew was the rules and regulations for time traveling. That didn't seem to matter much, since I'd already done exactly what one was never supposed to do in traveling back so far. It wasn't as though I'd done it on purpose…

What I knew about the way that time travel worked from the recreational reading I'd done was acutely chilling. I knew that it was possible to go backwards through time with a time turner or like device. I knew that there was only one way to go forwards through time. That was the same way that everyone and everything moved forward through time. One could not move faster. I could not jump back to the time I had left behind. I wouldn't see that again for twenty years.

There were several schools of thought regarding the likely consequences of traveling back in time and changing things, particularly concerning travel further than 24 hours, which was the regulated legal limit and as much as one could access with a time turner. The one that I personally considered most likely was the alternate timeline theory. It was the only one that made sense as it eliminated the conundrum of time paradoxes. It stated that when a person traveled back through time, everything that occurred after that point ran along a different line from the time that had been left.

If I closeted myself away and tried to have absolutely no impact on the world, it was possible that, in twenty years I'd find myself in a world nearly identical to the one I had left. It was also possible that I'd changed everything simply by stopping at that diner to eat. Perhaps the waitress had been fired for being short on money at the end of the night, and because she'd been fired, she'd not been there to meet the man she was supposed to marry, and because of that maybe the man's life had turned out differently and he'd not become someone important, which would leave the position open to someone else, who may radically change everything. His changes would then impact dozens, hundreds, thousands of lives. Each impacted life would impact others until, after twenty years, the world was nearly unrecognizable.

Just thinking about it was making my head hurt again, but I couldn't see myself surviving twenty years as a hermit in the woods or something. I was going to have to interact with people, so I _was_ going to change things.

I had to come to terms with the fact that the world I'd left behind was one that I would never see again – not as it had been. Maybe not even close.

Some part of me recognized the fact that I should have been a gibbering mess sobbing into my pillow or screaming and breaking things, but I just couldn't summon the will to bother. I was simply numb.

After spending a few hours letting my thoughts flit around randomly, I dozed for a while until my stomach finally woke me, protesting two days of so little food.

Dragging myself out of the cozy den that I'd created, I transfigured myself into a new set of unremarkable, but comfortable clothing, warded my room again behind me, then headed back out into the world in 1977. I took care to note where I was so that I could find my way back, and started toward a small restaurant that I remembered seeing during my wandering the previous day. I didn't want to go back to the same one, since the waitress may have discovered how she'd ended up short at the end of the night.

That made me realize that I was going to need to start making some money or I would shortly run out of places to eat. I thought about that while I walked, making silent lists in my head of what I was going to need. A name, for one thing, I realized. Hermione Granger didn't even exist yet, and when she did… Well, then there'd be two of me, wouldn't there?

I thought about it all through my meal and it remained on my mind when I was finished. I at last came to the conclusion that I didn't want to change my first name. Even when my younger self emerged, Hermione wasn't _that _odd a name. I just couldn't imagine myself by any other name. I'd have to change my last name, though.

Thanks to my skill in transfiguration, I didn't think it would be difficult to fabricate a birth record and identification card.

Feeling considerably lighter now that I had a plan, I set out for the library. The absence of computers was somewhat unnerving in a muggle library, but it didn't take me very long to find what I needed. Libraries, I decided, were something that I would understand in any time.

I woke the next morning without allowing my emotions to swallow me. I had goals now. I had something to do. There were steps to be taken, and that was enough to keep me distracted for the time.

With the documents I needed, I set out for a long day of dropping off resumes, apologizing for not having a telephone, and promising to return on Monday. Luckily, not having a telephone in 1977 was not as odd as the same in my time. I focused my attention on museums, since I had plenty of knowledge, if not experience, to work in such a place, and I thought I might not completely hate it.

When the hour grew too late to visit museums, I turned my focus toward jobs that I knew I would not enjoy, but would be much more likely to be able to begin immediately and work evenings. Only my third stop found me an offer to start work the very next day, for evenings and weekends when I didn't expect I'd be needed at a museum. Despite little interest in the work, I was delighted to know that I'd begin earning money right away, getting tips to take home each night, and perhaps best of all, one free meal per shift.

~.~.{o}.~.~

The job at the diner turned out to be the best thing that had happened to me since I'd found myself in 1977. It was busy enough that I rarely had free time for thinking about the future that I never got to live or speculating about whether my timeline would continue on without me and if Harry and Ron would survive. The immediate, if minimal, influx of money at least allowed me to make it through each day without needing to steal anything, and the free meal during each shift helped with that too.

When I wasn't working, I spent the weekend setting up a decent place to live. The abandoned restaurant that I'd found seemed as good a place as any. I didn't really need that much. I found myself infinitely grateful to Mrs. Weasley for all the domestic spells she had taught me, as I was making use of them all now. I chastised myself for ever being foolish enough to question the merits of such spells. Having lived in a muggle home with my family and been waited on by the house elves at Hogwarts, I'd never truly been able to grasp the value of such things until now.

The headaches and sparks of pain did not go away as the days passed. The headaches seemed to grow worse with each consecutive spell, forcing me to rest every few spells, but the tingling pains generally seemed mild, fading completely after just a few seconds. I wasn't exactly sure what to make of this, but I could only imagine that it had something to do with my traveling through time.

I warded the house with distraction spells to keep the muggles from paying any attention to it. It took me a few tries to get those working just right. The first time, I really overdid it and sent some poor people fleeing in terror. The next time I somehow managed to botch it to the point that instead of being distracted away from it they were distracted _by _it, coming closer to investigate. I breathed a lot easier when I finally got that sorted to a happy medium. I also developed a new appreciation for Lupin, who had taught us most of our wards. I'd picked up the defensive wards rather quickly, and even the obscuring wards. Ironically, those such as distraction that seemed less powerful, were much more difficult. Subtlety came at a price, it seemed.

Furniture I mostly transfigured from trash that I dug out of nearby dumpsters, or even the dumpsters themselves once they'd been thoroughly scourgified. While it gouged at my pride a bit to steal trash, I was comforted by the fact that I really had no choice, and that there was no one around to judge me for it.

There was no running water, but that didn't really pose a problem for a witch as I could conjure water very easily. There was no electricity, but witches and wizards didn't really use electricity anyway. I transfigured some candles, but found that I absolutely could not remember the charms for making ever-burning candles. Instead, I just let them burn down, then transfigured them whole again. Tedious, but I could work with it.

By Monday morning, I'd actually made that old abandoned restaurant into a pretty comfortable house. Despite that, however, I still needed money – for books, clothes, etc. I hadn't developed long term goals yet, but I wanted to save up some money for whatever I decided.

Monday morning, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I had two interviews – one for Thursday and the other for Friday. Determined to get one of those jobs, I went directly back to the muggle library. For the rest of the week, whenever I wasn't working, I was in the library studying everything that I could find about those two museums and all of their exhibits.

The interview on Thursday did not go so well. By the time it was over, I'd nearly snapped at the annoying woman and demanded to know why I'd been given an interview when it was so obvious that she wasn't going to consider anyone who didn't have previous experience.

With that irritating experience behind me, I arrived at the library as it was opening on Friday morning and stayed there until I had to leave for my interview, determined to be so knowledgeable that they would be forced to hire me.

I used a series of charms to tame my unruly hair until it was forced into a fairly presentable bun, then transfigured my clothes to match a really pretty business suit that I'd noticed in a shop window on my walk home one evening. I had to use charms for makeup as I hadn't bought any muggle makeup in this time, but I figured that might have been for the best. I'd never quite perfected the application of muggle makeup, so I was sure that even my basic charm had to be an improvement.

In the outer office of the museum curator, it took me a few moments to realize that I was being addressed when the secretary called for Miss Wilkins. Luckily, I didn't think that it was long enough to be suspicious. I'd probably just looked lost in thought. I took a deep breath, straightened my suit, and habitually touched my wand beneath my sleeve before stepping into the lavish office.

The short, chubby man behind the desk rose halfway out of his chair to grasp my hand in his overly warm one before settling himself back down and motioning me into a chair. I sat, posture impeccable, trying my best to convey confidence and professionalism.

The man, Mr. Rosewood, studied me for a moment before he turned his eyes to my resume on his desk. He looked it over, then looked at me again. "I see from your resume that you're interested in a position as a file clerk," he noted.

"Yes, sir," I smiled politely in response. "I'm very good with organization."

He nodded thoughtfully, "I've no doubt, but I see that you've cited a considerable amount of study and knowledge about art, and you've also stated that you are a fast learner. I wonder if you would be interested in a position as a docent."

I blinked in surprise. That was a considerably more prestigious position than I'd dared to hope for. "Yes, sir," I gulped as quickly as I could. "I would be very interested in that. I have no doubt that I could learn everything that I needed to very quickly, though I will admit that I don't have any practical experience-"

"Well, how are you going to get experience if you don't start somewhere?" he interrupted with a smile.

"Yes, sir," I concurred. "Thank you, sir."

"Right," he nodded. "Why don't we go upstairs and you can give me a quick tour. If you manage it well, you'll have a job."

"Absolutely," I grinned, rising immediately.

Incredibly thankful for all of my extra study, I led the curator around his own museum and had difficulty with only a handful of the pieces that were new enough to have not been listed in the dozens of books and papers that I'd studied. I promised quite fervently to become an expert on them all by Monday and was met with a pleased smile.

I left with a job, feeling incredibly proud of myself. The only thing to dampen my mood was the conclusion that I'd reached while leading the curator around. He'd spent a little too much time looking at me, leading me to the uncomfortable conclusion that I'd gotten the public job because I was pretty.

Well, I decided, pretty or not, I was going to prove that I deserved it.

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**Don't forget to review! Nothing makes me more eager to keep writing than hearing your thoughts!**


	2. Living

**Author's Note:** Okay, chapter 2, as promised. 3 should be up tomorrow or the day after.

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**Chapter II - Living**

I unlocked my door with a discreet flick of my wand and passed through the wards into the building that I had made my home. On the outside, it was a rundown old restaurant with boarded over windows and cracking bricks. On the inside, I'd restored it to better than new condition, transfiguring tile into hardwood, linoleum into carpeting or ceramic tile, and peeling wallpaper into attractive new wallpaper in warm, welcoming colors and designs. I'd transfigured the electric light fixtures into chandeliers and sconces with ever-burning candles that lit when I entered a room, dimmed when I left one, and extinguished when I left the house altogether.

I'd spent a good bit of my money on the books necessary for me to learn everything I needed to fix it up properly, but it had been worth it. Excluding Hogwarts, it was the nicest place I'd ever lived.

I headed directly for the bathroom. I could have simply charmed myself clean after my jog home from the museum as I did when I arrived at work in the mornings, but it just wasn't the same.

I conjured my over-large bathtub full of bubbly water, stripped off my clothes, and soaked for exactly fifteen minutes before getting out. I vanished the used water, charmed my clothes clean, and got dressed again. I tied my hair back and braided it, charmed on a little makeup – I was getting better at that as I'd discovered that I got better tips when I wore makeup at the diner and my boss preferred it at the museum – and headed out again for my second job.

The diner was really busy that night and I made good tips. I jogged the mile back to my house, which was about a mile and a half from the museum. I didn't mind the jogging. It kept me strong and helped me to feel more physically prepared should "the worst" occur. After growing up with Harry Potter as a best friend, I'd become accustomed to expecting "the worst" at any given moment.

After another, slightly longer soak in the tub, I settled down on my cozy loveseat and hefted my latest text into my lap. I'd been largely avoiding the magical world in 1977, but books were an absolutely necessary part of my life. I'd always turned to books when I needed something, and this was no exception. Give me a good book, and I could learn just about anything. And considering that I had no friends, no family, and absolutely nothing else to do with most of my free time I was a pretty quick study.

One thing that helped to keep me sane, apart from staying busy with my two jobs, was the knowledge that there was a war brewing, even if I couldn't see it from my home in Muggle London. While I was juggling two jobs and saving what money I didn't spend on books and food, Voldemort was out there somewhere, collecting followers and gaining power. In four years, he would kill Harry's parents.

I still hadn't decided what to do about Lily and James Potter, or if I should do anything at all. I wanted to save Harry's parents, but if Lily didn't sacrifice herself, then Voldemort would never be defeated the first time and Harry would never be the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived – the one destined to defeat Voldemort the second time.

Luckily, I still had a few years to figure that one out. Lily and James died in 1981. In the meantime, I figured that the best thing I could be doing was learning everything that I could that might be helpful in the coming war. So I was collecting books and training. I studied the dark arts, defensive spells, wards, and all manner of deceptive magics. Though it was grueling and often extremely annoying, I cast all of my spells nonverbally as soon as I had managed to do it traditionally. Eventually, it became easier, and I no longer had to remind myself to do it. I also practiced so simple wandless magic, such as accio, expelliarmus, and hover charms along with a few hexes. These were incredibly difficult, as wandless magic always was, but I'd been unfortunate enough to be in a dangerous situation without my wand before. With a few simple wandless spells, I could protect myself briefly and hopefully retrieve my wand. It was necessary, so I forced myself to do it.

I also practiced Occlumency. If I was going to go back into the wizarding world and pass for anything other than who and what I truly was, I needed some assurance that anyone with a scrap of skill in Legilimency couldn't simply lift the truth from my mind. It wasn't exactly something that was easy to learn from a book, but I figured that I would learn as much as I could and worry about finding a partner to practice with later. As a worst case scenario, I'd practice the hard way when someone tried to steal the secrets from my mind.

With reading and practicing crammed in between my two jobs, I found myself terminally exhausted, but it was a small price to pay for being better prepared for what was coming. I'd considered quitting the diner many times when my bed was looking so much better than work, but in the end, I'd decided against it.

While I'd only just finished my sixth year at Hogwarts, my time with the time turner had aged me roughly a year more than I'd have otherwise been. So I figured that I was about eighteen already. Nearly nineteen. I was an adult. I had no parents or friends to rely upon for anything. I was completely on my own for everything. I needed to get some money saved up. I changed small sums at Gringotts when I went to Diagon Alley, but I'd decided to keep the bulk of my money in a muggle bank. While they weren't nearly as secure, they were plentiful and it was unlikely that any wizard – including or perhaps particularly Voldemort – would ever think to look for my money there.

~.~.{o}.~.~

After a month and a half of debating, I finally decided that I wanted to try to finish out my final year of Hogwarts. I'd come to accept that I was stuck in this timeline now, and less than two months in the muggle world had convinced me that I definitely didn't want to spend the rest of my life there. With the war, it was easy to forget about other things, but I knew that someday I was going to want to have NEWT scores to show to potential employers, and I wasn't going to get them unless I went back to Hogwarts.

And though it was more difficult to admit, I was lonely. I had become something like friends with some of my coworkers, but the lack of free time which I allowed myself made it virtually impossible to see any of these friends outside of work. Besides, I was wary of growing too close. They, being muggles, could never see where I lived, which would eventually seem odd if a friendship grew personal. Yes, I was lonely, almost desperate to be in the company of witches and wizards again.

Deciding that the worst that could happen would be to be denied, I carefully worked up a story to explain how I'd managed to avoid entering Hogwarts sooner and why I wished to enter now, then headed for the Ministry to do something that I'd been putting off for far too long.

I stepped out of the phone booth into the Ministry atrium and stopped by the visitor's desk to get my wand checked, giving the name Hermione Wilkins, then headed for level six for my appointment at the Apparation Test Center.

"Name," a grumpy wizard grunted as soon as I entered the smallish room.

"Hermione Wilkins," I supplied.

He glanced down at his appointments book, then shoved a parchment and quill across the desk. "Fill that out."

I accepted it without bothering to smile and stepped aside to fill out the requested information. I listed that I had been born in Australia to explain my lack of British birth record – those were harder to fake in the wizarding world than the muggle one – but added that my parents had emigrated when I was very young to explain my accent. It was an effort to remain calm while I worked, praying that no one would become suspicious about the fact that I'd seemed to just spring up out of thin air.

I turned in the completed parchment and had to wait only a couple minutes before I was called into the testing rooms. There were three rooms in all. One was long with the other adjacent to each other along one long wall. The impeding wall seemed to be enchanted into a window.

"Have you successfully apparated before?" a woman asked as I entered. The woman was so cheerful that the comparison to the man outside was comical.

"Yes," I nodded. "My mother taught me last spring. Before she died."

"I'm so sorry," the woman offered genuinely.

I swallowed hard, trying to deal with the fact that I may never see my real parents again. "Thank you," I nodded.

"Well, if you've done it before, the test should be fairly easy. Essentially, we just want to make sure that you can be trusted not to splinch yourself," her mood seemed completely recovered already. "Just step into this room here and apparate to the one next to it."

I had picked up apparation very quickly and had no difficulty with it since. I wasn't at all worried about the test, though I still had some apprehension regarding the paperwork. I took a breath and spun on the spot, appearing right in the middle of the second room. I realized then that there was a window from this side into the first room, and a glowing blue ring had appeared on the floor of the first.

"Now apparate back and try to land in the ring," I was instructed a moment before the wall became opaque once more, forcing me to remember where the ring had been and get there blindly.

I apparated back and forth about a dozen times, each time landing in a smaller ring until the last one was barely large enough to stand in. The tingles never got too bad, but my head felt ready to explode by the time I was done.

"Extremely well done, Miss Wilkins," the woman congratulated when I was at last invited to leave the little rooms. "Only about one in fifty can hit every single ring without any mistakes. Your mother taught you well."

"Thank you," I acknowledged, wondering belatedly if I shouldn't have done quite so well. If only one in fifty managed all the rings, obviously it wasn't required to get a license. This was all quite a bit different from when I'd gotten my first license, as that had been done at Hogwarts with the older sixth years and younger seventh years.

Oh well, I decided. Too late now.

When I returned to the atrium, it was a relief to be able to leave via the apparation area rather than taking the telephone booth back up, even with my headache.

With a nervous fluttering in my stomach, I spun and apparated to Hogwarts. I grimaced as the pain in my head increased, but worked through the breathing exercises I'd been practicing over the summer and soon it began to recede enough to be tolerable.

I turned my gaze up to the castle and felt my eyes sting with tears. It looked virtually identical to the last time I'd seen it. I knew in that moment that I had made the right choice in coming. I felt like I'd come home. It was the most peaceful I'd yet felt in this time.

I approached the three owls currently dozing on a covered perch near the gate and used the available parchment and quill to scratch out a quick letter, feeling very odd indeed as I'd never before been to Hogwarts as a guest.

_Headmaster Dumbledore,_

_My name is Hermione Wilkins. I am nearly eighteen years old and I would like to speak with you regarding the possibility of attending Hogwarts this fall. Please advise me of your earliest convenience to meet with me._

_Most Sincerely,_

_Hermione Wilkins_

It seemed a little redundant to put my name at the beginning of the letter and in the salutation, but I wanted it to be a properly polite letter, so I did it anyway.

"Would one of you take this to the headmaster for me?" I asked the owls.

A large, pale brown owl perked up at my request, spread its wings as though stretching, then offered its foot for the letter.

I fastened the rolled parchment carefully. "Thank you," I smiled. "To Headmaster Dumbledore, please."

The bird leapt from the roost and soared off toward the headmaster's tower.

I watched until it disappeared against the sky, then started pacing in front of the gate. If Dumbledore was in, I was pretty sure that he would send a reply directly. At least, the Dumbledore that I had known could be counted on to do that. I really wasn't entirely sure what to expect of Dumbledore twenty years younger. Still, the man couldn't have changed that much from ninety five to one hundred fifteen, could he?

I wasn't really surprised, but I was relieved when the bird returned quite shortly with a missive on his leg.

I thanked him politely as I retrieved the letter and unrolled it.

_Miss Wilkins,_

_Please meet me at the main entrance._

_Headmaster Dumbledore_

Short and to the point, but it said everything that I wanted to hear. By the time I'd slipped the note into my pocket, the gates were swinging open to admit me. I hurried through and soon found myself fighting tears again as I absorbed the familiar grounds while I walked the path that had so often carried me on my many trips to Hogsmeade with my dearest friends, usually laughing and joking at my side, raving about Malfoy, or quietly plotting about something that went against many school rules and had as much potential to get us killed as expelled.

I wiped surreptitiously at my eyes as I neared the main entrance and stepped inside the entry hall just as Dumbledore appeared from around the corner at the other end. There was a little auburn in his graying hair and a few less wrinkles around his kind eyes, but he otherwise looked just as I remembered him.

Seeing him alive again hit me much harder than the familiar castle and grounds and I had to fight the urge to run across the hall and wrap my arms around him, even though we'd never really been on hugging terms.

"Miss Wilkins?" he inquired.

"Hermione," I offered.

He smiled kindly as he looked over my robes, which had begun to look a little worn from such frequent transfiguration. What I wore was one of three sets of clothes that I used for work, exercise, and even pajamas. "Why don't we adjourn to my office?" he suggested.

"Yes, sir," I agreed, falling into step at his side as he started to lead the way, though I was careful to keep myself half a step back as though I might not know the way to his office. After a month and a half pretending to be something other than I really was, I was learning to mind the details.

"Chocolate frogs," he informed the gargoyle guarding his office.

I smiled slightly behind his back as I followed him onto the revolving staircase. His office, I discovered, looked very much as it had been – or rather _would be _– in my time. Clockwork devices whirred away all around us. The sorting hat sat on one shelf near the sword of Griffindor, and the portraits of former headmasters looked down on me curiously. I could see the cabinet where he kept his pensieve. There was even a dish of lemon drops on his desk.

"Now, Miss Wilkins, why don't you have a seat and tell me about your education thus far," Dumbledore offered politely.

My teeth dug into her lower lip as I settled myself. Being faced with the most powerful wizard in the world once more was suddenly making me doubt the wisdom of my plan.

"Is there a problem?" he asked kindly.

"No, sir," I said pensively, then made a reckless decision. "My name is not Wilkins. It's Granger."

His brow rose. "Is there a reason that you felt the need to keep that from me?" he asked kindly, though I could practically see the wheels spinning away behind his eyes.

"Yes, sir," I admitted. "The truth is that I have been educated at Hogwarts for the last six years."

He studied me silently.

My eyes settled on the phoenix on his perch behind Dumbledore and there was something in the way he was looking at me that was almost… knowing.

"I… I realize that this is going to sound improbable at best," I admitted, forcing my eyes back to Dumbledore, "but I completed my sixth year at Hogwarts in the year 1997."

His brow shot up again. "Nineteen _ninety _seven?"

"Yes, sir," I nodded.

"Then you are from the future," he noted without any visible opinion.

"I realize that this is highly irregular," I conceded, "and I cannot even offer an explanation, as there was no time turner or any other device from the time room. All I know-"

He held up a hand to forestall me. "The time room?"

I blushed when I realized what I'd said. I'd thought I was better at guarding myself, but being faced with Professor Dumbledore was oddly disorienting. "Yes, sir," I said quietly. "The time room at the Ministry."

"In the Department of Mysteries," he gathered and I nodded. "Few have been in that room," he noted.

"It's a rather long story," I hedged, "and utterly unrelated to my time travel."

He studied me a moment longer, then nodded, gesturing for me to continue.

"As I was saying," I proceeded more slowly, trying to consider each word before it left my mouth. "All I know is that I went to bed on the last day of my sixth year here at Hogwarts, and I woke the following morning in a park in Muggle London, exactly twenty years in the past."

He was silent for another long moment, his expression pensive. "Surely you've come to at least one theory," he reasoned.

My eyes were drawn to the phoenix again. "Yes, sir. My best theory is that it was in some way related to Fawkes."

Just one eyebrow rose this time. After a moment, he lifted his hand over his shoulder and Fawkes leapt off his perch, alighting on the edge of the desk.

I studied the amazing bird, stuck between affection for him and hatred for what I suspected that he'd done to me. After a moment, I extended my hand toward him tentatively, as I'd done that night.

Fawkes immediately leaned down to embrace my touch and I stroked his plumage softly.

Dumbledore watched it all thoughtfully, finally leaning back in his chair, his eyes on my hand where it touched his familiar.

"You do know me, don't you, Fawkes," I said quietly, to which the bird trilled a tune similar to the one he'd given that night, comforting me. Despite the calming effect, I frowned at him, "Oh, you'll not get off that easily," I assured the phoenix.

He didn't seem to react at all to my mild threat.

"Exactly what happened with Fawkes to make you suspect his involvement?" Dumbledore questioned.

"He came to my room that night," I admitted, removing my hand from the phoenix to lean back in my chair. "I was very upset. I'd been crying almost all day. He allowed me to pet him then, as he did just now, and.. he cried."

"Were you injured?" Dumbledore asked, intensity rising in his eyes.

"No, sir. Not physically, at least."

"Can you tell me why you were upset?" he posed.

"I'd rather not," I grimaced. "Not today, at least."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Very well. You said that Fawkes cried. That is extremely rare. Do you understand the properties of phoenix tears?"

"As well as anyone, I expect," I admitted. "I researched it rather extensively after my second year. Fawkes had offered his tears to save the life of one of my best friends. I have heard theories relating to phoenix tears and time, but nothing substantial. Phoenix are rare enough that any research related to them is minimal, of course, but the relation to time was considerably thinner than anything else I discovered."

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully, but he was watching me closely again. "I was still headmaster in your time?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you understand the ramifications of meddling with time?"

"Intimately, sir," I assured him. "In my third year, I was approved for the use of a time turner so that I could take extra classes."

His brow rose. "That, in itself, is incredibly rare for any student, much less a third year."

"Professor McGonagall helped me, sir, and I was at the head of my class. I was incredibly grateful for the opportunity, but I didn't choose to use it again. It was exceptionally exhausting."

His eyes were twinkling now in a way that made me smile. "So what are your plans for the future? Do you truly intend to return to Hogwarts?"

"Yes, sir. I've given it a lot of thought, and I understand that I cannot return to my own time – at least not for another twenty years. I'd like to move on with a completed education."

He nodded. "Yes, I see. How are you dealing with your situation?"

"I'm dealing, sir," I assured him.

That made his eyes twinkle even more. "So, you were at the head of your class going into your third year. How did you fare the rest of your years?"

"I was always first in my class, sir."

His brow rose and something in his eyes made me blush when I realized how that sounded.

"And your OWLs?"

"All Outstanding except for Defense. I exceeded expectations in that."

"Well, I can imagine no reason that you wouldn't be a credit to Hogwarts' graduating class then, though I would have to ask you to retake your OWLs in order to place you for your NEWT classes," he added apologetically.

"Oh, I don't mind, sir," I assured him. "I wasn't entirely pleased with the results the first time, and I'm certain that I could do much better now."

He smiled like an indulgent grandfather and it warmed me right to my toes. I'd been so alone for what already felt an eternity.

"I'll schedule your OWLs for Monday then," he concluded. "That will allow time for them to be graded before the start of term. Is that enough time for you to be ready?"

"Oh, yes, sir. I think I remember everything, but I would appreciate it if you could give me a list of some of the fifth year books so that I can be sure that the curriculum hasn't changed significantly."

"You'll take all the required OWLs, of course, but are there any elective ones you'd like?"

"All of them," I said immediately. "Except for Divination," I added quickly.

He smirked at that. "While your enthusiasm is impressive, are you certain that you wish to take all of them? Even Muggle Studies and Arithmancy?"

"Oh yes. I enjoy Arithmancy very much," I smiled, "and I'm muggleborn, so I don't expect Muggle Studies to be difficult."

"You're muggleborn?" he asked innocently, but I could see the concern in his eyes.

"Yes, sir," I admitted quietly, "though I've been pretending to be half-blood. I thought it would be best considering… Well, Voldemort."

His brow rose, "There are few brave enough to say that name in this time. How much do you know about him?"

"A great deal," I admitted. "More than most, I'd wager."

"Tell me about him," he suggested.

"Well, I know that he was born a half-blood, his real name was Tom Riddle, and he was the heir of Salazar Slytherin…"

His eyes widened, "Is this common knowledge in your time?"

"No, sir. I was…" I hesitated, unsure how much to divulge. "I've been fighting Voldemort and his Death Eaters since I was eleven years old, sir."

His eyes grew troubled. "He is not defeated in twenty years?"

"I fought him during his second rise, sir," I admitted.

"Perhaps I shouldn't hear anymore," he said with some reluctance.

I nodded, relieved.

He was silent for a few minutes as he seemed to compose himself. "Well, we can't very well explain you as being from the future, so do you have a plausible explanation, Miss _Wilkins_?"

"Yes, sir," I dug into my pocket and retrieved the parchments I'd brought. "This is the information I gave the Ministry when I applied for an Apparation License this morning."

He looked it over thoughtfully. "Very thorough, Miss Wilkins."

I smiled.

"So you were born in Australia, raised and home educated in Muggle London until the death of your parents this spring, at which point you choose to enroll at Hogwarts. I applaud your tenacity in concealing your muggle heritage, as you do not strike me as the sort to be ashamed of it."

"No, sir," I frowned.

"And if what you've told me about your academic achievements is true, you are a shining example of just how wrong Tom is."

"I've heard that before, sir," I agreed severely.

"Well, everything appears to be in order. I assume there's no need to tell you to that the truth of your situation must remain between the two of us."

"I understand completely, sir," I agreed. "I know exactly what Voldemort would do if he discovered that there existed someone with knowledge of the future."

Dumbledore nodded, evidently satisfied with my understanding. "Well then, let's just get you sorted into a house and I believe we'll be done for today."

"Sorted," I blinked in surprise. "I've already been sorted."

"No," he corrected. "If I understand correctly, you'll be sorted in 1991. As of now, you've never been a part of any Hogwarts house. And I don't think you'd like to go through it in front of the school with the first years."

"Right," I frowned. It was difficult to remember that my past had taken place in the future. I got up and retrieved the hat from its shelf. When Dumbledore nodded, I slipped it onto my head, noting that it no longer fell down over my eyes as it once had.

"Hmmm…" I heard the hat say. "Interesting. Very interesting. Plenty of courage. Plenty indeed. And a great deal of intelligence. I see loyalty as well. There is cunning… Wit and ambition… very resourceful. Hmmm…"

I waited impatiently for the hat to get it over with and announce Gryffindor.

"Gryffindor?" it muttered. "You certainly have the bravery, but you have the intelligence of a Ravenclaw and the loyalty of a Hufflepuff."

I couldn't help but sniff at that. I'd be a Hufflepuff when Draco Malfoy was.

"No, certainly not Hufflepuff," the hat agreed, "and not Ravenclaw either. You are most definitely Slytherin."

I ripped the hat off my head and dropped it onto Dumbledore's desk, staring at it in enraged disbelief. "Slytherin?!" I demanded. "That is absolutely ridiculous! I have always been a Gryffindor!"

"Once, perhaps," the hat allowed. "But I didn't sort you then. I'm sorting you now, and you're a Slytherin."

"I'm afraid it is incredibly tenacious," Dumbledore noted. "You won't change its mind."

"It doesn't have a mind!" I raged. "It's a hat! And I'm a Gryffindor."

Dumbledore shook his head slowly, his face portraying sympathy even while his eyes twinkled away madly.

"You were a Gryffindor, sir, surely you can do something!" I pleaded.

"I'm afraid not," Dumbledore sighed. "The sorting hat has been around long before me and it will be sorting students long after time has forgotten me."

"You may overestimate the lifespan of leather, sir," I muttered gloomily. I couldn't imagine the world ever forgetting Albus Dumbledore.

He chuckled merrily.

"_Slytherin_?" I asked in disbelief. "There'll be no place for me there. I'm not _nearly_ evil enough!"

Dumbledore laughed openly, "It is clear to me that you've spent the last six years as a Gryffindor. That kind of innate animosity could come from no other source. Still, I imagine that you'll get along better than you think. After all, you've managed to adapt quite well to your current circumstance. You've been cunning enough to concoct a believable life history that I dare say will fool the Ministry quite effectively. You're resourceful enough to have gotten along when thrust unexpectedly twenty years into your past. And from what you've told me of your studies, you are very ambitious. I'm not at all surprised that you were sorted into Slytherin."

"But Slytherins are rude, cheating, despicable people prone to the dark arts!" I protested.

"They can be," he allowed. "It doesn't mean that you have to be."

I sighed in defeat. Clearly I wasn't making any headway in my case. "Fine," I agreed. "It's only one year, and as I survived Death Eaters, I imagine that I can survive a house full of Slytherins."

"Excellent," he smiled jovially.

I frowned at him, though it seemed to have no effect on his intrepid cheerfulness. "I'll not promise the same of them, however."

His eyes twinkled maddeningly, but he didn't comment on that. "Now then, if you would prefer, you could stay here at Hogwarts until start of term," he suggested with concern in his eyes that suggested he was worried I had nowhere else to go.

"Thank you, sir," I offered appreciatively, "but I have to be at work in…" I glanced at his standup clock, "Wow, half an hour. I should be going."

"You have a job?" he asked conversationally, though I could see the surprise in his eyes.

"Two," I chuckled. "I'll have to put in my notice now that I know I'll be coming back to school."

"Resourceful," he smiled.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"The list of texts that you requested," he offered, tapping his wand on a piece of parchment before handing it to me.

I looked over it then laughed softly, "Professor McGonagall's curriculum doesn't seem to have changed much."

"Will you able to afford all of those?" he wondered. "You will have school supplies to buy soon."

"Oh, Mr. Renfield at Flourish and Blotts will let me return them when I'm done, I'm certain. I spend a rather considerable amount of money in his store."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Very well, then. If there is nothing else, I wouldn't want to keep you from your work."

"I think that will be all," I nodded. "What time should I be here on Monday?"

"Report to the Great Hall at seven sharp. The wards will recognize you. You can join myself and the rest of the staff for breakfast and then begin your OWLs. Plan to spend the whole day as you'll have a lot to do. Actually," he reflected, "if you wish to take as many OWLs as you say, plan for Tuesday as well."

"I'll be here," I promised.

"I assume that you can find your way out?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"Very well. Have a lovely weekend, Miss Wilkins."

* * *

**All right. I hope you're enjoying so far. Severus will enter the story in the next chapter. Promise.**


	3. Back to Hogwarts

**Author's Note: **Okay, so I'm trying something a bit different with this fic. I really wanted to write it in first person, but rather than leaping between Hermione and Severus POV, I've decided to write two versions of it. The second is titled "When A Phoenix Cries: Severus" and will be updating in parallel to this one from this point on. The primary plot will follow Hermione but if you fancy getting a peek into Severus' head, hop over and check out the companion fic. The chapter numbers won't line up, but the chapter titles will. Please note that, due to this arrangement, some chapters may run significantly long or short as the content dictates. If I've not explained this adequately, feel free to ask any questions in your review or PM me and I'll try to clear it up.

Severus POV fic should be up within the hour. I hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter III - Back to Hogwarts**

I was almost dancing through the diner that night. I hadn't realized just how depressed I'd become until faced with the knowledge that I'd soon be returning to Hogwarts. Even as a Slytherin, I'd be surrounded by other people, I may make a few friends, and I'd be learning! For the first time since I'd found myself in the past, I felt like I had a future.

I didn't work Monday or Tuesday at the diner and I managed to switch my shifts with another docent for the museum. Mr. Rosewood lamented my leaving and offered me a position for the following summer. I told him that I'd keep it in mind though I wasn't sure what the next year would bring. In truth, that was more to placate him than anything. I didn't expect to be returning to any muggle workforce after graduation unless I had no other choice.

The weekend passed quickly as I spent the entire thing paging through books. It really wasn't that difficult since I already knew most of it. I just had to identify anything that looked a little bit unfamiliar and review the few things that I hadn't used much since fifth year.

By Monday morning, I felt confident that I was prepared.

The Hogwarts wards admitted me as promised and since I was a few minutes early, I walked up to the castle slowly, reveling in the warm morning air and all of my familiar old haunts that I could see from the walk. Looking up at Gryffindor Tower was a bit depressing as I'd not be returning there.

Dumbledore greeted me warmly when I entered the startlingly empty great hall, and introduced me to the handful of teachers that were present. McGonagall was there, as was Slughorn, and Madam Pomfrey, though she was simply introduced as Poppy as she was only an apprentice at present. There were also a few that I hadn't met before. Madam Wynsor, the mediwitch in charge of the hospital wing, was a kindly older woman of around Dumbledore's age with very warm brown eyes and a motherly smile. Professor Birch was the Herbology professor, a lanky, middle aged wizard with eyes the color of soft, healthy grass and a mop of light brown hair that was messy enough to remind me of Harry. Professor Fame was the Arithmancy professor. He carried his weight as well as he carried his advancing years and was polite enough though he seemed terminally distracted, as though he was constantly running complex calculations in his mind.

"Miss Wilkins will be in your house, Horace," Dumbledore smiled warmly.

"Is that the case?" Slughorn chuckled happily. "We're happy to have you, Miss Wilkins. Tell me, do you play Quidditch at all?"

Hermione grimaced, "No, Professor. I've never been much of a flyer."

"Oh," he visibly deflated. "That's too bad. We're in need of a new keeper…"

"She's an exceptionally bright witch, Horace," Dumbledore twinkled. "I've no doubt she'll be a credit to the Slytherin house."

It took absolutely everything I had to avoid cringing at that thought, and the suddenly predatory look in Slughorn's eye didn't help any. I remembered being one of his "favorites".

I was extremely glad when the meal at last ended and Dumbledore conjured the table for my testing. I'd spent the entire meal politely dodging Slughorn's evidently well-intentioned questions. I had managed to shut him up for a whole five minutes when he'd asked about my family and I'd told him bluntly that my parents had recently died.

I at last settled down at the table with an unfamiliar instructor to begin my first OWL. Defense. I was glad that it had come first and wondered if Dumbledore had planned it that way so that I could address it while my mind was still as fresh as possible.

I flew through the written portion in half the allotted time, which allowed me to spend more time on the essay at the end. I'd come a long way in Defense since my fifth year, and personally I suspected that Harry's exemplary skill had made mine look worse than it was. I was determined to get a better grade this time, and while I suspected that I was perfectly capable of it, I wasn't taking anything for granted.

There was no maximum length for the essay, so I completed a full two feet of parchment. I could have gone further, but the rather alarmed instructor had advised me to wrap it up in the next two inches when he'd noticed the length.

The practical portion wasn't difficult either since I'd had so much more time to practice the spells since the end of my fifth year. When I'd completed Expelliarmus, Impedimenta, Incarcerus, and Lumos to "perfection" – the instructor's word – I asked if I could do any more advanced spells for extra credit. He let me choose which one, so I summoned my patronus.

He seemed greatly impressed by that, watching my silvery otter hop around his feet with evident glee.

I was tempted to do a few more, but I didn't want to push my luck and go from being talented and enterprising to an annoying know-it-all.

As the day progressed, I continued to feel confident about my successes. Potions was the last test before I broke for lunch and I noticed with some trepidation that Slughorn showed up in time to observe my practical test.

I made a calming draught and I was certain that it had turned out perfectly even before Slughorn began singing my praises. The best part was that the fumes helped to keep me calm while I was brewing it.

And so my entire dinner was spent listening to Slughorn go on and on about how brilliant I was and what promise I had in a future as a potions' mistress. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled through the entire bloody meal.

I discovered that day that exams didn't make me as nervous as they used to. I suspected that that was in part due to the fact that I was a sixth year graduate taking OWLs for the second time, but I realized that it also had something to do with the predicament that my life had become. It was hard to get too worked up over exams in the face of the fact that my entire life had been turned upside down by a meddlesome phoenix, I may never see my parents or Ron and Harry again, and I was going to be twenty years old when I was born. Oh, and of course Voldemort was building followers and preparing to try to take over the wizarding world even while I took my tests.

By the time I got home that night, I did nothing but fall into bed and pass out.

I woke up at a quarter to seven and gaped at my clock before throwing myself out of bed and casting charms as quickly as I could to fix my hair and clean my clothes and press the wrinkles out of them. Then I apparated directly from my house to Hogwarts. Thanks to my books on wards, I had figured out how to create wards that allowed only specific people to pass through them. Mine allowed only me.

As soon as I appeared at the castle, I started running and I ran all the way to the Great Hall before I paused, doubling over with my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath in the couple minutes I had to spare before entering.

"Miss Wilkins?" a familiar sharp voice inquired.

I straightened up and nodded, glad for all the running I'd done over the last couple months as my breathing was already beginning to slow. "Hello, Professor McGonagall."

"Are you okay, dear?" the surprisingly young professor inquired.

"I'm afraid I had a bit of a lie in this morning," I smiled, "but I made it."

McGonagall's lips curled into the smallest smile, "I see that. Well, come on in. We won't find any food out here."

I nodded and fell into step with her.

"You have Transfiguration first thing this morning," she noted with a sidelong glance.

"Oh great!" I said enthusiastically. "I love transfiguration."

She smiled another small but kind smile. "Have you had much luck with it?"

I couldn't help but laugh. To her curious look, I gestured to my robes. "This started as pajamas."

She actually chuckled softly at that. "Well, I suppose I won't hold it against you that you're in a rival house, then."

My smile faltered as I remembered that. Professor McGonagall had always been like a surrogate mother to me. Now I was stuck with Horace Slughorn.

"That was a joke, dear," she said quickly.

"Oh, it wasn't you," I assured her. "It's just… Well, I've read _Hogwarts: A History_. I always imagined myself a Gryffindor. I argued quite profusely with the sorting hat, but to no avail."

She laughed again, "Don't worry yourself, dear. I'm sure you'll make an admiral Slytherin."

I sincerely hoped not.

Transfiguration was a breeze and Arithmancy went smoothly. Those were followed by Muggle Studies, which I completed with significant ease. Blessedly, Professor McGonagall seemed keen to talk to me today, saving me from some of Slughorn's attentions.

"You have quite the talent for transfigurations, Miss Wilkins," she noted, having stopped by to watch my practical portion. "Do you intend to continue at the NEWT level?"

"Absolutely," I assured her.

"Having seen what I did, I'm sure you'll pass," she assured me. "I'll be glad to have you."

"Thank you, Professor," I smiled.

"What classes are you planning to take?" Dumbledore questioned from the other side of McGonagall. "Obviously you won't be able to take all that classes in which you're taking OWLs."

I nodded my agreement. "Yes, sir. I'd like to take Transfiguration, Charms, Arithmancy, Defense, Potions, Ancient Runes, and Herbology."

He looked thoughtful, "An interesting list. More than most NEWT students undertake, though that doesn't surprise me."

"I like to stay busy, sir."

"Well, you'll certainly manage it with that list."

"You understand how demanding NEWT classes can be, Miss Wilkins?" Professor McGonagall asked with some concern.

"Yes, Professor," I nodded. "I've always enjoyed studying. I don't expect it will be a problem."

Slughorn chuckled and took advantage of the way I'd been leaning forward to talk to Dumbledore to slap a chubby hand across my back. "Enjoys studying! I love this girl!" he declared.

I muffled my resulting cough and tried to smile through my grimace. My headache wasn't severe today, but it seemed omnipresent, as it often had since I'd arrived in 1977. The fact that the headaches seemed to be decreasing slightly in severity helped to assuage my fears regarding any true danger indicated by them. I expected that perhaps I was merely adjusting to my new place in time and that they would eventually go away entirely.

I completed my exams after lunch and sat down to dinner with my professors one last time before returning to Muggle London. I couldn't help but notice how very empty my house felt now. It made me wonder what would happen when the school year ended. Would I go back to being alone? I had hoped that I might make a few real friends that I could take away from the year, but being placed in Slytherin didn't give me much hope. Thinking back to my own time at Hogwarts, I couldn't imagine any Slytherin worth knowing, much less befriending.

I made a trip to Diagon Alley after work on Wednesday morning and purchased some of my school things so that I'd have something to distract myself. I wouldn't actually get my list until my OWL scores came back in another week, but I felt confident enough in my scores to shop for the classes I'd told Dumbledore that I wanted – I knew that he wouldn't have forgotten.

At Flourish and Blotts, Mr Renfield was happy to take back the books I'd purchased to prepare for my OWLs, and quite eager to redirect my attention to the seventh year books for the classes that I wanted.

I shrunk my stack of books and tucked them into an expanded pocket, turning to call another thanks to Mr. Renfield as I neared the door. My back collided with something warm and rather soft and I lost my balance.

A pair of long, slim hands closed around my waist, steadying me. I spun around, spouting apologies. "I'm so sorry, I…" I trailed off when I got a good look at the young man I'd nearly trampled. He looked about my age and at first I nearly thought it was Draco Malfoy. His platinum hair was long though, and I realized that I was face to face with a very young _Lucius_ Malfoy.

"Not at all," he dismissed my stammered apology, his voice as rich as I remembered it, but for once not tinged in malice or disgust. "I don't believe that we've met, Miss…"

I swallowed hard and forced my lips into a small smile. Hermione Wilkins had never met Lucius Malfoy. There was absolutely no legitimate excuse for me to loathe everything about him. I'd have to be nice until he gave me a reason to hate him. Surely it couldn't take that long. "Wilkins," I managed, my voice stronger than I'd feared. "Hermione Wilkins."

"Hermione," he leered. "What an absolutely lovely name. I'm Lucius. Lucius Malfoy."

I didn't let myself react to his name, hoping it would irk him to think I'd never heard of him. "How do you do, Mr. Malfoy," I said politely as I started to edge past him.

"Lucius, please," he corrected, moving subtly to obstruct my escape route.

"Lucius then," I allowed. "I'm afraid I really must be going. I have a lot more shopping to do today."

"Do you not go to Hogwarts?" he asked curiously, ignoring my attempts to leave.

I took a step back, relenting for the moment to his persistence. "I've been taught at home, but I'll be starting Hogwarts this year."

"Are you a seventh year?"

"Yes," I said, trying not to seem as impatient to be away from him as I was.

"So am I," he smiled as though it were the most delightful coincidence.

"Imagine that," I sighed.

"Do you know which house you're in?"

"Slytherin," I admitted grudgingly.

His smooth smile broadened, "My kind of girl. I'm Slytherin as well."

"I guessed that," I nodded.

He looked curious.

"Your cloak pin," I nodded toward the silver serpent with emerald eyes, its fangs holding his cloak on.

"Smart girl," he congratulated.

"Observant," I corrected. "Very little intelligence was required to make the leap."

"And witty," he practically purred.

"It was very nice to meet you, Lucius," I smiled, certain that it didn't touch my eyes but unable to care. I closed my hands around his forearms and physically turned him aside so that I had a clear route to the door.

I did not look back, slipping quickly into the crowded street and beyond his sight. I had not even considered that I may very well know some of my classmates. I wasn't sure why, but I hadn't. I didn't want to think about who else I might know. Lucius Malfoy was bad enough.

I stopped by Madam Malkin's next since I knew I'd be needing school robes and I wanted to pick up some more casual stuff as well. Apart from books, I hadn't really allowed myself much for luxuries since I'd been in 1977, instead saving as much as I possibly could. Now, well, I didn't want to waste the money, but neither did I want to start my last year at Hogwarts in threadbare clothes. I bought one set of school robes and several bolts of fine material that I could transfigure into more robes at considerably less cost. After being distracted by a very pretty set of dress robes, I bought some even finer material with plans for dress robes, and a few extra bolts of durable material that I'd use for casual robes. I didn't imagine that spending the weekend in muggle clothes would go over very well in the Slytherin common room.

I deliberately avoided buying anything emerald green, but I ruefully sidestepped crimson as well. It really wouldn't do to be seen supporting Slytherin's rival even if I was certain that I wouldn't go out of my way to support Slytherin either. Of course the charms for changing the color of my clothes were relatively simple, but it was the thought that counted.

I decided that I'd have to wait on my letter to buy my class specific supplies. There really was no sense buying a caldron, for example, until I knew which size and material that Slughorn wanted for his seventh years.

I missed the magical world so much that I ended up stopping at Florean Fortescue's, which was evidently very new. I got an icecream and sat outside to eat it slowly in the warm sun, watching the witches and wizards going about their business along Diagon Alley.

Finally, I knew that it was time to get back. With a sigh, I paid my bill and apparated back home. I enlarged the items that I'd purchased and settled down on my little sofa to begin reading my school books. I couldn't conceive of starting the term without having read at least the first few chapters of each.

~.~.{o}.~.~

Between reading and working, the days passed quickly for me and soon there was an owl pecking at my window. Breath catching, I threw myself out of my seat, nearly sending my book to the floor as I rushed to get the window.

"Hello there," I greeted the owl, quickly locating the tin of owl treats that I'd bought. I gave the owl two and snatched up the letter. As expected, it was my OWL results.

I was convinced that I'd done well, but I was still ridiculously nervous as I tore the paper open.

I scanned down the list and couldn't help but squeal with delight. O's, all the way down. Of course, they were fifth year tests, but I was proud of myself anyway, particularly considering just how many OWLs I'd taken and in how short a time. Twelve outstanding OWLs. That was going to look fantastic on my résumé. Now I just had to get my NEWTs to look close to that good and I'd be in great shape for whatever I decided to do after Hogwarts – assuming the war allowed.

The following day, I made another trip to Diagon Alley to collect the rest of my supplies. I was suddenly very glad that I'd been saving every spare knut all summer long, and that I'd worked two full-time jobs. Slughorn's class alone was going to set me back considerably. Crystal phials, brass caldron, silver knives, the most accurate scales, dragon wing gloves… None of that was cheap. I'd need an abacus for Arithmancy, a wakeful eye monocle for Ancient Runes, and the thicker dragonhide gloves Herbology.

Trying not to wince, I purchased the items and piled them all into my new trunk before shrinking it down to put it in my pocket. At least I didn't have to buy a wand, I reflected. And if I'd spent more than half of my savings, well, my expenses would be minimal throughout the school year. Hopefully I could find a job when I graduated. At worst, I expected I'd be able to find a job at a shop in Diagon Alley or something of the sort to get me by when I'd graduated.

I decided not to worry about it too much for now. I had almost a year before I had to face that, and it definitely couldn't get any worse than the beginning of my summer had been when I'd been completely broke, homeless, _and_ friendless.

Now that I had purchased everything I'd need, my time suddenly seemed precious. I had so much more reading to do! I didn't linger this time, instead heading directly home and pouring myself into my books.

~.~.{o}.~.~

September 1st seemed to come out of nowhere. I placed the strongest wards I could find around my home, hoping that nothing would happen to it while I was gone all year. With any luck, I'd still have a home come spring. If not… Well, I'd built something from nothing once.

I was glad that I had a knack for the reducing spell as I shrunk down virtually everything that I owned and packed it into my school trunk. I wouldn't be able to shrink the trunk when its contents had already been shrunk, but at least they all fit.

I did one more quick walk through the familiar and homey rooms to be sure that I had everything, then used a lightening charm to reduce my load and carried the trunk out to meet the taxi I'd hired to take me to the train station.

I loaded the trunk into the backseat myself and gazed out the window, watching the muggle world go by and feeling my heart lightening with every block.

King's Cross station was another study in refreshing familiarity. I quickly loaded my trunk onto a trolley to avoid drawing attention from the muggles as I carried the cumbersome thing through the station. I'd purposefully arrived fully twenty minutes early in hopes of finding an open compartment. The only one of my classmates that I'd met was Lucius Malfoy and I thoroughly intended to avoid him at all costs.

Once I'd passed through the barrier, I levitated my trunk and stowed the trolley. Leaving the trunk with the others to be loaded onto the train, I climbed on board, a smile stretching my lips even while a pang of sadness gripped my heart to know that I wouldn't be meeting Harry or Ron for the ride. My head was throbbing mildly from all the packing I'd done that morning, but I'd become so accustomed to that that I hardly even noticed it anymore.

I quickly chose a compartment and settled down by the window. I dug into my pocket for the book I'd brought to read on the way and enlarged it. I'd chosen Slughorn's textbook for reading material since I had a feeling that he was going to be expecting more of me than any of the other teachers. Plus, it _was_ interesting.

I'd read only a handful of pages when the compartment door opened. I turned to see a wide-eyed boy – probably a third year – staring at me nervously. "You can join me if you'd like," I offered with a reassuring smile.

He smiled then too, nervously, and slipped inside, tucking himself onto the opposite bench as far from me as the compartment allowed. I repressed the urge to make small talk about the school, reminding myself that this boy was supposed to know more about the school than I did. Instead, I just went back to reading. Two pages later, the door opened again and a few more kids came in, eyeing me uncertainly before they settled down and began chatting with the first boy.

I found myself watching them over my book. They talked animatedly about their summer and how much they'd missed each other and everything that the new year would bring. It reminded me painfully of the friends that I no longer had.

Forcing myself to ignore them, I went back to my book.

A few minutes after the train left the station, the compartment door opened again, this time to reveal a girl that must have been a second year. "Hermione Wilkins?" she squeaked.

"That's me," I nodded.

The girl took a couple quick steps into the room and held a letter out at the full extent of her arm.

"Thank you," I offered as I took it, cringing when I saw the seal. I'd mostly expected this, but that didn't mean that I had to like it. I opened the letter and was not surprised to find that Professor Slughorn had invited me to join him.

I sighed heavily. There really wasn't any way to politely decline, so I silently reduced my book and slipped it back into my pocket with the invitation.

I moved forward along the train until I came to the compartment mentioned in the invitation. I slid the door open and noted that I was far from the first to arrive. That poor second year probably had a hard time finding me. I recognized Lucius lounged next to Slughorn and Lily Evans on his opposite side. She really was pretty. Another boy looked familiar, but it wasn't until he smiled at me that I was able to place him. Regulus Black. Sirius' little brother. I remembered his face from the Black family tapestry at Grimmauld Place now, but it was his likeness to his brother that had first stood out. The only other person in the room was a boy hunched down in the corner diagonally opposite from Lily, his long black hair obscuring his face.

"Hermione!" Slughorn bellowed, rising to grip my shoulder like we were dear old friends. "Glad you could make it, my dear!"

I very carefully _didn't_ point out that I hadn't really had a choice.

Lucius was grinning at me like I'd shown up just to see him. "It's good to see you again, Hermione," the prat purred at me. "There's an open spot here by me."

I suppressed the urge to draw my wand and instead, very pointedly, sat between Regulus and the boy who hadn't yet shown his face.

"You're a terrible tease, Miss Wilkins," Lucius smirked, utterly undaunted.

"I see that you two have met!" Slughorn declared as though it were wonderful news.

"She _bumped _into me in Diagon Alley last week," Lucius supplied. "Flirting ensued. Naturally."

"Lucius evidently can't miss a chance to be rejected," I returned.

Slughorn chuckled merrily, "Ah, the fire of young love!" he declared.

Lucius looked smug while I wondered if I looked as green as I was feeling. I was already praying for this to end.

Blessedly, Slughorn was distracted by more students arriving, particularly a strutting first year named Rabastan Lestrange.

I looked out the window and tried not to tally how many future Death Eaters surrounded me. As the compartment filled, we became increasingly squished together. Regulus edged closer to me, and his left sleeve slid up. I barely maintained my composure when I saw the ugly black mark branded onto his pale flesh. I did, however, adjust myself slightly closer to the quiet boy in the corner. Given how little space there was, "slightly closer" caused my hip to meet his. I felt him tense a bit but he otherwise gave no indication that he was aware of it.

Once everyone was settled, Slughorn began making introductions for my sake and that of the young Lestrange.

He doted on Lucius like a proud uncle and I did my best not to roll my eyes as he described the illustrious Malfoy family. Lily was introduced as a Gryffindor, a credit to muggleborns everywhere for her intellect and impressive talent for potions. Like Lucius, the Lestrange boy had nothing but his family name and reputation to recommend him. When Dirk Cresswell was introduced, I recalled he had been the head of the Goblin Liaison Office at the Ministry in my time. Slughorn did in fact note that the boy was fluent in Gobbledegook. He was a sixth year Ravenclaw – not surprising – and a muggleborn as well. Regulus Black was noted for his position as an excellent Slytherin seeker.

"And, of course, this year's unexpected jewel," he glowed at me. "Miss Hermione Wilkins is new to Hogwarts this year, and I've honestly never seen a more impressive student. She got _twelve_ outstanding OWLs!"

I fought a blush and lost, "I took them a year late," I offered to the room in general, hoping that made me seem slightly less of a know-it-all. Honestly, classes hadn't even started and I was already back to my old stereotype.

Slughorn laughed heartily at that. "You be proud of that, my girl! I don't think Slytherin's ever seen a student with twelve outstanding OWLs before!"

I smiled back at him, though I knew it wasn't a particularly pleasant smile.

"And of course, last but not least," Slughorn concluded, gesturing toward the boy that I was all but crushing. I suddenly found myself praying that he wasn't about to announce the name of another of Voldemort's eventual inner circle. I shouldn't have been surprised that my prayers weren't answered.

"Severus Snape!"

I jumped a little, but was unable to move away as I was unwilling to be closer to the only one in the room that I was sure was already a Death Eater.

"The brightest potioneer to ever come through my class!" Slughorn declared.

Snape peered around his hair at the room in general, his eyes lingering on me for a moment before returning to Slughorn.

"Severus, my boy, you and Miss Wilkins should get along splendidly. She has quite an eye for potions as well."

Snape glanced at me again but didn't say anything.

Quiet didn't surprise me about my former – future? – potions professor, but the timid posture certainly did. It made me wonder when he'd found such confidence that he portrayed in his classes. When he was a Death Eater? When he became a spy? I didn't know how to feel about this Severus Snape. The last I remembered of him, he'd murdered Dumbledore.

Though Harry had sworn that he'd seen it with his own eyes, I couldn't help but think that he must have missed something vital. Some reason why Snape would do that. At the very least, I expected that perhaps he'd believed that he couldn't help Dumbledore and had perhaps killed him to save him from being tortured by Voldemort. I didn't know. What I did know was that Snape had had so many chances to kill or betray Harry over the years, Harry would never have survived if Snape hadn't truly been on the side of good. It could be argued that he'd been maintaining his cover, but I couldn't believe that. Voldemort would have willingly sacrificed a well-placed spy in exchange for Harry Potter on a silver platter. Of that, I was absolutely convinced.

I also had to remember that this young man sitting next to me was not the same Severus Snape who had killed Dumbledore. A great many years of pain and solitude lay between this boy and that man.

With an effort, I drew myself back to the present to see Snape – no, I corrected myself, Severus – eyeing me warily around his hair. I offered him a small smile and told myself not to stare as part of me wanted nothing more than to catalogue every way in which he looked so different from the last time I'd seen my potions' professor.

Slughorn's little luncheon seemed to last forever. I adopted a "grin and bear it" attitude through most of it, trying to stay out of the discussion whenever possible and giving short, closed answers when I couldn't.

When we were finally released, I all but ran to the toilet, certain that I'd have to deal with Lucius if he found a way to corner me in the hall. The only thing that could make the day worse would be to end up stuck in a compartment with him for the rest of the trip.

I waited until I was fairly certain that Slughorn's party would have dispersed back to their compartments before exiting the loo. Unfortunately, I discovered a small knot of boys my age blocking the hall between me and the compartment I'd meant to reach.

As I neared them, I realized that I recognized them. The short, pudgy wormtail lingered, snickering near the rear, followed by Remus Lupin minus the gray hair and with fewer scars. That would make the long haired boy in the compartment door Sirius Black, and… the haughty voice inside must be James Potter. I remembered how upset Harry had been when he'd learned that his father had been a bully in school. It made me glad that he wasn't here to see this.

"Come on, Snivellus!" James was goading rather loudly. "Do you have something to say about it?"

Snivellus. That had been Snape's hated nickname in school.

Well, hell. Not even at school yet and I already felt the need to protect the man who'd tormented me through my potions classes. Well, I reflected, I'd have felt that way about anyone being bullied. I did not like bullies.

Now I just had to figure out what I was going to do about it. I could swoop in and hex the annoying rats, I reasoned. James and Sirius had been pretty talented from what I'd heard, and probably Lupin as well, but they'd yet to fight for their lives. I was pretty sure that I could take them if I had surprise on my side.

Of course, there were a few drawbacks to that plan. First, hexing four Gryffindors in the middle of the train may very well begin my year with a hefty list of detentions. Second, there was always the chance that one of them would get some hits in. Third… Well, no matter how timid Snape was, I just couldn't imagine a world in which he wasn't prideful. How would he feel about being so dramatically rescued by a girl…?

No, Gryffindor nerve wasn't the solution here. I needed to – dare I say it – channel my inner Slytherin.

* * *

**Yay! Severus is back! And I know that Lucius was like 6 years older than Severus in canon, but I couldn't resist modifying his age to give him more of a role in this fic. He may not be the only instance of my taking liberties with adjusting ages to fit my whims.**

**Oh, and I am looking for a beta for this story if anyone is interested.**


	4. New Acquaintance

**Author's Note: **So sorry about that rather impolite cliffie I left you with yesterday, so here's the next chapter. Severus' POV will be up in a few minutes.

* * *

**Chapter IV - New Acquaintance**

With a quiet sigh, I cast a silent _protego_ – just in case – then disillusioned myself and added a _muffliato_ for good measure. I slipped slowly and carefully between the gaggle of boys and into the compartment. Lupin stiffened a bit and I saw his nose twitch when I passed him. Damn. I needed to learn a spell to mask my scent if I was going to be sneaking around him. I slipped passed him before he could decide to do anything about smelling me.

I walked around behind where James was facing down Snape, and I lounged across the seat opposite Snape with my back against the outer wall, then hit James with a silent spell before revealing myself.

Everyone was focused on Snape, so he was the only one who noticed my sudden appearance. His eyes widened slightly but he quickly returned his attention to James, who was beginning to turn Slytherin green with silver hair – it was the biggest insult I could think of that wouldn't actually harm him. Snape's smile grew as the colors intensified.

"What's so funny, Snivellus?" James demanded. "Is there a mirror in here? Catch a glimpse of your nose, did you?"

"Bloody hell!" Sirius exclaimed, finally noticing his friend.

"What?" James demanded.

Sirius grabbed his hand and lifted it for James to see.

"What the sodding hell?" James sputtered, turning his glare on Severus and reaching for his wand.

I had been expecting it. I flicked my wand out and disarmed him without difficulty as he hadn't even become aware of me. I caught it and smiled innocently as all eyes at last turned to me. "Hello, boys," I greeted.

"Who are you?" James demanded.

"Hermione Wilkins," I offered. "And you are?"

"Green!" he shouted. "Did you do this?"

"Hexing is against school rules," I informed him innocently.

"You _did_!" he accused. "What did I ever do to you?"

"Well, you were being rather impolite to my dear friend, Severus," I offered. Had anyone been looking at Snape at that point, they'd have seen the utter incredulity on his face. Happily, I held everyone's attention.

"Give me my wand!" he demanded.

"Of course," I replied easily, handing it back to him.

The dolt immediately pointed it at me, opening his mouth to threaten me no doubt, but it may have been a hex on his tongue.

I flicked my wand with another silent e_xpelliarmus_ and the wand leapt into my hand again.

"You should be careful where you point that," I informed him while he stared at his wand as if it had betrayed him. "Someone less understanding than myself might take it for a threat." I returned his wand to him once more. This time, he allowed the tip to dip toward the floor.

"Fix this!" he insisted, gesturing vaguely to his body.

I chuckled. I couldn't help it. "I'm sorry, there are so many ways I could take that. To what exactly are you referring? I'm afraid I don't know any spells to make one less of a prat."

His jaw clenched, "You bloody well know what I mean!"

"I think green suits you," I smiled. "Regardless, it'll wear off in a couple days."

"DAYS!"

"Run along now. This cabin's full." I accentuated my point by raising my wand slightly.

"Fine. I'll see you later, Snivellus!" he barked, though the effect was somewhat lost as he wasn't brave enough to look away from me for more than a second.

James' friends were crowing with laughter as he retreated back into the hall. Sirius lingered in the doorway.

"Would you like to match your friend?" I offered him. "The two of you would make an adorable couple in Slytherin green."

"No, thanks, love," Sirius grinned rakishly. "I prefer witches," he said as he backed out of the room. "Feisty ones!" he added before disappearing.

I flicked my wand once more to slam the door shut behind them, then fished my book out of my pocket and enlarged it before tucking my wand back into my sleeve.

"How long have you been there?" Snape asked warily.

"Oh, I just popped in," I smirked.

"Thank you," he said quietly – uncomfortably – a moment later.

"For that?" I asked with a glance toward the door before looking at him again. "Forget it," I waved dismissively. "That was fun." Surprisingly, it actually had been. Though part of me disparaged it, it truly had been much more fun to pick on them like that than the emotional, heated confrontations I'd faced with the bullies of my past.

Snape smiled a little. "Is it really going to last two days?"

"Unless he goes to the hospital wing," I shrugged. "There's a potion that can remove it, but I hear it's not exactly pleasant. So he'll either be green at the feast or he'll miss it. Either works for me."

Snape chuckled. "It was Hermione, right?"

I nodded.

"You should be careful with James Potter," he cautioned after a moment. "He's not going to forget this, and he's always surrounded by his lackeys."

I couldn't help but laugh. After years of fighting Death Eaters, amongst other things, James Potter was nothing less than a laughable adversary. "Trust me, I've dealt with worse."

I knew that he was studying me, but I allowed it, turning my attention to the book in my lap. I could not, for the life of me, understand why I felt the need to be so nice to Severus Snape, but I did. Perhaps I related to him because James teased him the way Draco Malfoy had teased me. Perhaps it was because I knew that he was intelligent – akin to me on that level. Or perhaps… Well, perhaps it was simply because he was one of the few people my age who'd been decent to me in this time without trying to get into my knickers. Maybe he just seemed like a good person.

"Is that Slughorn's book?" he asked after a moment.

I nodded. "It looks like we'll learn some interesting potions this year."

"I noticed that too," he agreed, leaning forward in his seat and becoming truly animated for the first time I'd seen. "Slughorn said you were good with potions."

I shrugged, "I can follow a recipe. How about you? The best potioneer Slughorn's ever had in his class? Do you plan to become a potions' master?"

He blushed a little and I found myself staring. For some stupid reason, I hadn't been sure the man was capable of blushing. "Yeah, that's I want to do."

"I'm sure you'll be great," I smiled. "From what I hear, Slughorn surrounds himself with only the best."

He chuckled, "Was that a compliment or a boast?"

I laughed out loud at that, "I meant it as a compliment."

"Then thank you," he smirked. "What's your favorite subject?"

I sighed thoughtfully. "Defense, I suppose."

"That's obvious from what you did to Potter," he noted.

"I like most subjects though. Especially Transfiguration and Charms."

"Really?" he asked, obviously interested. "Transfigure something."

I smiled at the challenge and sought something that wasn't too simple. My eyes fell on my book. With a smirk, I drew my wand and transfigured the book into a pointed hat, slipping it onto my head.

"Impressive," he congratulated.

I tipped my hat at him, at which he laughed.

"And a charm?" he suggested.

My head was already starting to hurt between the encounter with James and then Snape's request, but I was having fun, so I ignored my head. I twirled my wand and set off a series of small, silent fireworks that flitted around the ceiling in circles. "What about you?" I challenged.

"Oh, I don't know anything that flashy," he dismissed immediately and I let it go.

Surprisingly, the last hour of the ride was passed in easy conversation with Severus. It was amazing how easy he was to talk to. I'd have never imagined that Severus Snape could have been a conversationalist at any age, but I discovered that I very much enjoyed conversing with him.

When the train finally pulled in at the Hogsmeade station, I followed Severus off the train.

I paused before boarding a carriage, taking a moment to pet one of the thestrals. They were not pretty creatures by any stretch of the imagination, but, having ridden them a few times, I recognized just how magnificent they were.

I heard Snape's voice behind me after a moment, "Can you see them?" he asked very quietly hesitantly.

"Yes," I replied just as softly, images of death flashing behind my eyes when I blinked. Sirius had been the first. Then a Death Eater during the fight in the Department of Mysteries. Then a Ravenclaw girl in the battle at Hogwarts when Dumbledore had been killed. I couldn't even remember ever learning her name. That struck me as wrong on so many levels.

The thestral snorted softly, its milky white eyes boring into me with something that I couldn't quite define. Understanding, perhaps.

"Most people don't even believe that they're real," I noted with a glance back at Snape – Severus. If I didn't stop thinking of him as Snape, I was going to call him that, which would be wrong. Truly though, I couldn't see that much of my old professor in this young man. The man from my time would always be Snape to me, but I didn't think it would be that hard to know this one as Severus. This bright, fascinating young man who was capable of smiling when it wasn't at someone else's expense.

"I've read about them," he explained. "There seems plenty of evidence to prove that they exist. I find it rather annoying that so many people can claim that something doesn't exist just because they can't see it. You'd think in a world filled with magic, people would be more open-minded."

I smiled sadly. "It's not that they can't see it. They don't want to believe in something that can only be revealed through death. It frightens them, so they shut their eyes and hope it goes away. Like children in the dark." While it applied to thestrals in general, it was really the Ministry's awful refusal to admit it when Voldemort came back that inspired my words.

The carriages were starting to move now, so I turned away from the thestral and climbed into the nearest carriage, across from some younger students that seemed keen to ignore me. Severus climbed up after me and we rode to the school in silence. I could practically feel his gaze on me and I was sure that he was wondering who I had watched die, but that was something that I didn't want to talk about – even if I had been able to come up with a believable explanation outside the truth.

When we reached the school, I looked up at the beautiful starry sky and meandered my way toward the school, absorbing what would be my last trip into the start of term feast. My slow pace soon made me one of the last students, but Severus didn't go on ahead. Surprisingly, he remained at my side, leaving enough distance to avoid disturbing me. He didn't say anything and I didn't feel like talking, so we walked together in silence until the din of the full Great Hall enveloped us.

I felt my spirits rising again as I saw the Great Hall so full of life as it was meant to be. Despite the lack of familiar, friendly faces, I almost started toward the Gryffindor table before I stopped myself and turned instead toward the Slytherin table near the opposite wall.

"Hermione!" Lucius' voice carried over the general commotion.

I didn't look at him but could tell through my peripherals that he seemed to be trying to wave me over.

Severus sat down near the end of the table, not looking at me.

"Hermione! I saved you a seat!" Lucius called again.

Pretending that I couldn't hear his bellowing seemed childish, so I finally lifted my face to him. I quirked an eyebrow doubtfully at the seat he was trying to get me to accept, then sat down next to Severus, who looked at me in surprise.

"You're not sitting with Lucius?" he asked warily.

"Not if there is any way to avoid it," I assured him.

Severus studied me for a moment. "Really?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?" I demanded.

"Because he's Lucius Malfoy," Severus said as though that should make it perfectly obvious.

"We clearly have differing opinions of that boy," I noted, stressing the last word slightly. Of age or not, it seemed obvious to me that he was still very much a boy.

I don't know if Severus meant to respond, but he didn't get the chance as Dumbledore called the room to order when the nervous first years approached the sorting hat. I found myself glaring at the hat as it sat on the stool at the head of the room. I'd probably never forgive it for putting me in Slytherin. Though I wasn't sure that sharing a common room with James Potter would have been that enjoyable, I was absolutely certain that sharing one with Lucius Malfoy and Regulus Black would be even less so.

I fiddled with the two rings that I wore and didn't pay much attention to the sorting or the hat's subsequent song. I didn't actually lift my head to the front of the room again until Dumbledore stood once more to begin the feast.

I ate then with more appetite than I'd realized I had. Working at the diner had provided me with a decent variety of good food over the summer. That had been a blessing as the cooking charms I'd worked on at home had not been going well. The charms weren't any more difficult than any other charm I'd mastered. The problem was that you actually had to know something about cooking in order to apply the charms effectively. I'd never been able to cook more than the very basic, even using the muggle techniques that my mother had long ago given up trying to teach me.

Regardless of my diet over the summer, there just wasn't anything quite like the amazing delicacies that the Hogwarts' house elves could put together.

When the meal ended, I was stuffed and content as Dumbledore addressed the students once more, introducing us to the new Defense professor. It rather amazed me to think that there would be twenty more staff changes for that position in the next twenty years as Voldemort's curse prevented anyone from holding the job two years in a row. This professor was tall and probably almost as old as Dumbledore, but clean-shaven, straight-backed, and still fairly strong. Dumbledore introduced him as Professor Moody, a retired auror. That startled me for a moment until I recalled that Alastor Moody had come from a long line of aurors. The fact that I was probably looking at his grandfather or great uncle gave me hope for the man's competence.

Dumbledore continued, giving the usual advisements about the Forbidden Forest and curfew before dismissing us to our common rooms.

"Did you see Potter?" Severus asked quietly as we rose from the table.

I turned my eyes toward the Gryffindor table and spotted a shiny silver mess of hair among them. I smirked. The prat _would_ be too proud to go to the hospital wing.

As James' group neared us, I couldn't restrain myself from calling out to him. "I see you're finally showing your true colors, Potter!"

There was much grumbling from the Gryffindors, but I did hear one laugh erupt among them. A laugh that I recognized as Sirius. It made me wonder if he simply enjoyed his friend's consternation that much or if his threat from the train was actually going to be carried through and he truly meant to join Lucius in trying to seduce me.

"I'll show you to the common room," Severus offered at my side.

"Oh, thanks," I smiled. Of course I knew the way to the Slytherin common room – as a means of avoiding that particular stretch of dungeon hall if nothing else – but I'd nearly forgotten that I couldn't easily explain that knowledge.

The quiet halls brought me a surprising amount of peace despite the fact that I was descending to the den of the Slytherins. After two months alone and scrambling to stay sane while preparing for a future that I couldn't even fully imagine yet, I finally felt like my life was starting to make sense now that I was back at Hogwarts.

"Insidious," Severus informed the blank stretch of wall and it parted for us.

I looked at him curiously, wondering how he'd gotten the password. I had forgotten all about it until we'd actually reached the "door".

"Slughorn told us after the others left. You were out the door too quickly to hear it."

"Avoiding Lucius," I admitted somewhat sheepishly.

"What do you hate so much about him?" he posed.

"Nothing," I lied, "apart from the fact that he was convinced from the moment he met me that he was my heart's deepest desire."

"Well, he thinks that because it's generally true," Severus reasoned.

"Oh please don't tell me you're one of his fans," I sighed.

He shrugged uncomfortably, "He doesn't really acknowledge me unless he needs help with homework," he admitted without looking at me.

"You have no idea how much I envy you," I laughed.

He looked at me again and his smile was a bit relieved.

I turned my attention away from him finally, examining my new common room. It was a long room with uncut stone walls. I shivered slightly at the dark and foreboding atmosphere, wondering if I'd ever get used to it.

"It's not that bad," Severus offered, reminding me that he was still there.

"It feels like a cave," I pointed out.

He looked around and nodded slightly, not denying it. "At least it's better than being near Gryffindor Tower," he suggested.

Though my heart rebelled at that statement, thoughts of James Potter and his posse allowed me to nod agreement without completely lying. The less often I had to meet James and Sirius – and Peter! – in the halls, the happier I'd be.

"You really should be careful with Potter," he said again, quietly. "He's vindictive, and if he doesn't think he can take you in a duel, he'll find another way – like attacking when your back is turned."

It sounded disturbingly like Severus had personal experience with that, but I decided not to mention it. "He's a bully," I shrugged, "That's what they do. I'm not worried."

Severus nodded, but he looked unconvinced.

The door opened again then and the prefects arrived, leading the first years. That seemed to be the cue as Severus started toward the back of the room. "Your room will be down there," he pointed down one hall while he headed for the next.

"Severus," I called after him, causing him to turn back to me curiously. "It was really nice to meet you," I said honestly.

He looked suspicious for a moment before he nodded slowly. "You too, Hermione."

Not eager to wait around for Lucius to show up, I started down the narrow hall to discover, rather than a dorm room as in Gryffindor Tower, individual rooms. I supposed that made sense as Slytherins weren't well known for amiable camaraderie. Each door had a little silver nameplate affixed to it. Mine was at the end of the hall.

I opened the door to a very small room with a shelf against one wall and a small chest of drawers against the opposite. The bed didn't have the curtains that I was accustomed to, but I supposed they wouldn't be needed in a private room. My trunk was already sitting at the foot of my bed.

The first thing I did was turn back to my door and set wards on it, sealing it against intrusion, then setting a subtler ward to function as an alarm both sonorous and psychic so that if anyone did breach the room, I would know about it whether I was here, elsewhere in the castle, or in Australia. As an afterthought, I added a rather nasty ward that would inflict a hex upon anyone that got in, causing them to break out in very painful but not life-threatening boils.

I almost left it at that, but the possibility of at some point needing to send someone to my room to get something for me made me add another layer to my wards. A password that would allow someone other than me to pass through unmolested. After a moment of thought, I chose "Gratia Dei, sum quod sum". It was a saying that my father had favored and of which I had grown increasingly fond. It simply meant, by the grace of God, I am what I am. It was about accepting oneself – the good and the bad. Fitting for a muggleborn know-it-all.

Perhaps being in the heart of the snake pit was making me a bit paranoid, but I felt much better once my wards were in place, finally feeling secure to turn my back on the door and open my trunk.

I started by moving my textbooks and other class supplies to the shelf. Considering the lack of space, I left everything reduced, stacking the tiny items along the narrow shelves. I moved onto my clothes next, leaving those reduced as well as I fit them into the small drawers. Any students not so versed in reduction charms would probably have had to leave most of their things in their trunk.

When I placed my alarm clock on the little table by the bed, I finally noticed the slip of parchment waiting there. It was my class schedule. I sat down on the bed as I scanned it with interest. It was definitely going to be a busy year but I was sure that I could handle it. Staying busy would be good for me.

After committing the list to memory, I grabbed my wand and made a few copies, tucking the extras into a drawer for safe-keeping. I didn't think I'd forget anything, but I did hate to be unprepared.

I finished unpacking my trunk, inserting extra shelves between the existing ones and lining them with my small library of tiny books, then looked around the dark, bland space and decided to do a little decorating. I located one book and enlarged it, flipping through the pages until I found what I wanted. Glad that I'd picked up the home decorating book over the summer, I set about making myself at home.

I wasn't sure if the castle would allow it, but I decided that it was worth a try. I cast an enlargement charm and watched as the room doubled in size. Thrilled at the much more comfortable room, I did it again. I expanded the bed to a cozy queen size and added a cushioning charm to make it more comfortable. I transfigured my trunk into a spacious sofa, of which I could lift the seat to access the interior of the trunk. I enlarged the tiny rug that had graced the middle of the tiny room so that it stretched across the majority of the floor, and changed the emerald green color to a pleasant beige.

I ended up spending a couple hours experimenting with decorating charms, but I was very pleased with the end result, even if my head did ache by the time I was done. The wall sconces I lightened from dark cast-iron to shiny silver and transfigured the serpentine angles into a vine-like pattern accented by leafy points. The walls themselves I changed from dark stone to warm pine paneling. For the ceiling, I borrowed inspiration from the Great Hall. Of course, the false sky in the Great Hall was an incredibly complex bit of magic. I used a considerably simpler version, instead just charming paint to move across the ceiling in a facsimile of the sky. I charmed it to connect to my clock so that it would be bright blue with sporadic drifting clouds during the day and dark and starry at night rather than truly mimicking the weather outside. Then I took the canopy off my bed so that I could watch the ceiling when I lay down.

By the time my room was finished, I was exhausted and it was getting quite late, so I changed into my night shirt and crawled into bed.

Though I was very tired, my mind didn't seem ready to settle down. My thoughts wandered to my strange day. Somehow I'd gone back in time just far enough to put me in the same year with Severus Snape, James and Lily, and the others. That could not possibly be a coincidence. I wondered if Fawkes had done that intentionally or if there was another factor, like my relationship with Harry of my familiarity with Professor Snape.

It made me wish that this kind of time travel was better documented. I'd never read anything about someone going back as far as I had. Ever. The most I'd ever come across was just less than a year. People simply didn't go back further than that. Most accepted the fact that it was too dangerous – when even small actions could drastically impact the timeline.

Just before falling asleep, I decided to have a look in the restricted section of the library and see what I could find about it. As I was of age now, I would be allowed there.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I woke with a smile at my ceiling, which was portraying a breathtaking pink sunrise. I sent my night shirt to the laundry and got dressed. The idea of walking around the Slytherin common room before washing up was unpleasant enough that I decided to take care of that in my room. I conjured a bowl of water and brushed my teeth and washed my face, then turned my attention to my hair.

I'd found an amazing cosmetic charms book over the summer. It had done wonders for my self-esteem the first time I looked in the mirror at a mane of bouncy, vibrant curls rather than a ratty, unmanageable mess. I could admit to myself now that I was pretty, even if it wasn't in a particularly traditional sense. Weeks of experimenting with the charms for makeup had given me more confidence in that as well. I caught myself thinking about the look on Ron's face if he could see me now, and then I had to fight away tears. What I'd had with Ron and Harry was gone forever. When I met them again, I would be an adult and they children. The most I could hope to be to them was a mentor.

When I felt confident that I looked as good as I was going to, I located the book bag that I'd purchased over the summer and packed everything that I'd need for the day's classes into the magically enlarged space within. I enlarged most of it first, just leaving the more bulky items, like the caldron and scales reduced. Finally, I looked in the mirror and willed the sadness away from my features before I left my room and headed for breakfast, comfortable that my wards would protect my room from unwanted visitors.

The only person in the common room was Regulus. After a glance at where he was sitting in the corner, I ignored him on my way through. I knew that he would eventually lose his life defying Voldemort, but right now, he was in Voldemort's service. That was enough to convince me to keep my distance.

I cut my way through side passages and quickly reached the Great Hall without meeting anyone along the way. Once again, I caught myself starting toward the Gryffindor table and redirected toward Slytherin.

I spotted Severus sitting by himself at the far end of the table and started toward him. I'd nearly reached him when Lucius stepped in front of me.

"You look positively mouthwatering this morning, Hermione," he greeted in that way that he obviously thought was charming.

"What can I do for you, Lucius?" I sighed impatiently.

"So many things," he crooned. "For now, you could sit with me."

"No thanks," I said politely, moving to step around him.

He _slithered _into my path once more. "You'd honestly rather sit with Snape?" he asked doubtfully.

I made a mental note to never call Severus that after hearing Lucius say it with such derision. "I would," I said sincerely.

He frowned as though he couldn't begin to fathom a world in which any woman would choose to sit with Severus over him. "What does he have that I don't?" he challenged, "besides an overabundance of nose?"

He said that as though Severus couldn't hear every word we were saying. Rage flashed through me and I ached to draw my wand, but I restrained myself. Hexing him in full view of the teachers at the head table seemed foolish, and I was certain that giving in to my anger with Lucius would not be the way to defeat him – not today, at least.

"A personality?" I suggested flatly.

Lucius pouted unconvincingly, "Now you've hurt my feelings, darling."

Instead of snarling at him, I smiled and leaned in intimately close to conceal the wand I was drawing from my sleeve. I moved my lips near his ear and suppressed the need to cringe as he boldly closed his hands over my hips. "Lucius, I know twenty-seven curses that could severely reduce the chances of you ever reproducing," I whispered seductively into his ear, then accentuated my point by tapping the tip of my wand against his crotch.

He literally leapt away from me when my wand touched him, but I was already tucking it back into my sleeve.

I quirked an eyebrow in response to his astounded gape, and settled myself at the table next to Severus. "Good morning, Severus," I greeted with a smile. That really had been fun. I was a little disappointed in myself to discover how much I was enjoying what I thought of as my Slytherin tactics.

Severus waited until Lucius retreated toward the other side of the table before leaning closer to me and asking quietly, "What did you say to him?"

"I threatened to curse the family jewels," I said innocently, sipping at my pumpkin juice while Severus snorted in amusement.

"You sure know how to pick enemies, Hermione, I'll give you that. The Gryffindor golden boy and the Slytherin prince and classes haven't even started yet."

I laughed softly as I turned my attention toward my breakfast. "I've already told you what I think of Potter," I reminded him, "and Lucius is just an entitled prat who desperately needs a lesson in manners. Unfortunately, I doubt that he's been dissuaded, but hopefully he'll at least find a more original tactic."

Severus shook his head a little and we ate in silence for a time.

"What's your first class?" I inquired when it was nearly time to leave.

"Defense," he replied, producing his class schedule from his robe.

I leaned closer to read it over his shoulder, and smiled. We had almost every class together. I supposed that wasn't too surprising. Considering what he turned out like in the future, it was obvious that he'd taken Defense and potions. Herbology was another fairly obvious class for the future potions' master. One class did surprise me though.

"You're taking Arithmancy?" I asked curiously.

He turned to look at me and seemed to notice for the first time how close I was as he closed his mouth before speaking.

Smiling sheepishly, I gave him some space.

"I like Arithmancy," he finally answered, his tone somewhat guarded, as if he expected me to ridicule him for it.

"So do I," I smiled, digging my own schedule out of my book bag and offering it to him.

He took it and looked it over curiously. "I probably shouldn't be surprised," he noted after a moment. "Considering your twelve outstanding OWLs," he smirked dryly.

"You're making fun of me!" I complained, elbowing him lightly in the arm.

"Honestly, I'm jealous," he admitted.

"Don't be!" I retorted immediately. "I took my OWLs two weeks ago. You probably could have scored the same if you took them now."

He looked a little doubtful, but not enough to continue the argument. His eyes fell to my schedule again. "I can't believe you're taking Ancient Runes as well. Do you have any idea how much work you'll be doing when it gets close to exam time?"

"I'm aware," I shrugged. "I like to study, and I'm not a great fan of too much free time."

He frowned a little at that. "Neither am I."

I grinned, "We're a perfect pair! Perhaps we could study together."

His smile came back, though it was small and guarded, "I'd like that," he admitted.

"Good," I declared, snatching my schedule back and tucking it into my bag. "Now we'd best get going. I've never met Professor Moody, but I doubt a former Auror would be impressed by tardiness."

"True," Severus conceded, hefting his own bag onto his shoulder as he rose.

"You should use a lightening charm on that bag," I noted, eyeing the way the strap cut into his shoulder.

He glanced at my bag and frowned. "I don't know that one," he admitted.

I drew my wand, swirled it in a half circle high to low, then jerked it upward toward his bag, speaking the charm aloud so that he could learn it. "_Pinnata pondus_."

I could see that it had taken effect as the bag no longer hung heavily and it swayed easily as he moved. "Thanks," he said with surprise. "Where'd you learn that one?"

"_All In a Day's Charms_ by Augustus Grippus," I smiled as we started toward the Defense Tower again. "You can borrow it if you want."

"Thanks," he nodded thoughtfully, walking much more easily now that he wasn't so weighted down. In fact, I could see the smooth gait that I had grudgingly admired in an older Severus Snape.

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**Okay, chapter four. Please review. You'll make me smile.**


	5. A Duel and A Lie

**Author's Note: **This chapter is dedicated to JollyLoser, whose wonderful review inspired me to get this one out today rather than tomorrow as I had planned. There were many other lovely reviews as well. Notable mentions go to pamplemousse39, bluefirefly5, and Montara. I love all of you guys, and I do appreciate every review. Please keep them coming!

BTW, I do hope this is properly edited. I did so at a rather obscene hour last night.

**Severus' POV will be up shortly.**

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**Chapter V - A Duel and A Lie**

When we entered the Defense classroom, I realized that we were sharing the class with Gryffindors. James was seated next to Lily in the back row with Sirius and Remus right in front of them and Peter at an adjacent desk next to a small girl who seemed to be trying to blend in with her desk. James was no longer green, so he must have gone to the hospital wing after dinner last night.

James looked at me then like he could feel my attention and he glared so furiously that I was convinced that potion had been as unpleasant as I'd heard.

"Good morning, boys," I smiled pleasantly, "Lily," I nodded though she looked nearly as angry as James.

Sirius spun at the sound of my voice, his eyes raking my body from head to toe. "Good morning, love," he greeted in return.

I just quirked an eyebrow at him before passing them. I hoped that they wouldn't be bold enough to try anything in class, but I was careful not to let on my concern. Bullies were like wolves in my experience. They always traveled in packs, and they could smell fear.

I paused when I reached the table Severus had claimed at the front of the room. "Do you mind if I sit here?" I inquired, gesturing to the chair next to him.

He looked surprised, "Why would I mind?"

I shrugged, "I thought you might want to sit by one of your friends from last year," I admitted. He had to have at least one friend, didn't he?

His lips twisted a little in distaste and he shook his head, "No. Please, sit."

"Thanks," I smiled, sliding my bag onto my lap while he dug out his text.

I rifled around in my bag for a little while, shifting around books and supplies. Annoyed, I finally drew my wand and tapped it on the lip of the bag with a silent _accio_ to summon the right book.

When I repeated the process for a quill, ink, and parchment, I noticed that Severus was looking at me strangely. "What?" I asked curiously, sliding the bag down to lean against the table leg.

"Did you just _accio_ that out of your bag?" he asked incredulously.

I laughed as I understood. I picked up my bag again and opened the top so that he could peer inside. His eyes widened as he looked into the cavernous space.

"An extension charm?" he blinked at me. "Was that in that book too?"

"No," I assured him. "That book mostly had basic, everyday charms. I learned extension charms in a more advanced book called _Matters of Space_ by Edward Rivers."

"Silence," the mild though commanding voice of Professor Moody rang through the room, ending quiet conversations and drawing all eyes to where he stood at the front of the room. He looked rather impressive in dark green robes of a fine cut, his long gray hair tied back at his neck. His steely gray eyes swept across the room quickly, but it seemed that he made eye contact with each individual student along the way.

"Welcome to seventh year Advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts," he continued in that understated tone. "In this class, I will tolerate nothing but your complete focus. There is nothing amusing about this class. There is nothing that I will teach you here that is not important. What you learn in this room may save your life one day. What you fail to learn here, may well cost it. I will not hesitate to take your house points without impunity, and I am rather looking forward to giving detentions.

"Keep those things in mind should my lessons seem tedious."

He let his gaze sweep the room once more, presumably to see that his words had had the desired effect. "Then let us begin. Put your books away. You may take notes if you wish, but your books will not be opened in this room."

Exchanging a glance with Severus, I dropped my book back into my bag and returned my attention to the professor.

"To begin, I would like to get a sense of each of your current skill," Moody went on when the shuffling of books had ceased. "To that end, I will duel each of you briefly. There is no need to be alarmed. As I am only assessing your skill, I will not actually be fighting to win. You will approach the front of the room, one at a time alphabetically by your last name to face me. Ashleigh, you're first."

The small Gryffindor girl that had been sitting next to Wormtail approached the front of the room and stood looking at the professor nervously.

Moody waited a moment, then sighed. "Do you intend to duel me without your wand, child?"

Ashleigh started and quickly fished in her robe, checking at least three pockets before she located it.

"First lesson, and I will say this only once," Moody said sharply, addressing the entire class, "It should never take you more than one second to draw your wand. I don't care if you're just waking up, sitting down to breakfast, or shopping! Your wand is your life! Anyone who cannot master this lesson by the end of the week need not return to this room."

I couldn't help but smirk a little. There was no longer the slightest doubt that Professor Moody was related to Mad-eye.

"I am going to attack you. You are going to defend yourself," he continued as if speaking to a first-year. "I will not ask if you are ready or warn you that the attack is coming."

Ashleigh nodded quickly.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Moody called loudly before she'd finished nodding and her wand flew from her hand. He sighed as though he was disappointed, but not really surprised.

Ashleigh looked mortified.

"Do you feel that there is any hope of improving on that or shall we move on?" he asked as she scurried to retrieve her wand.

"I can do better…"

"Expelliarmus!"

"Prot-"

Her wand flew from her hand once more before she could get the word out.

He frowned. "Let's move on."

I watched the rather tedious exercise with interest, judging each of my classmates' skill, strength, and weaknesses. I didn't think that I'd ever duel most of them, but it didn't hurt to be prepared.

"Black!" Moody called.

Both Sirius and Narcissa stood, glowering at each other as only family could.

"The pretty one!" Moody snapped, pointing to Narcissa.

Preening beneath the brusque compliment, she strode to the front of the room with her chin aimed at the ceiling. She produced her wand from a pocket at her waist, not rushing but accomplishing it in about one second, probably just to insult the Gryffindor girl.

She held her own a lot better than Ashleigh had, I noted. All of her spells were executed with the precise poise of a trained dancer, but I could tell that there was little power behind most of them. Spells required intent as much as form and annunciation. No doubt she'd learn that soon enough.

Moody gave her the first lesson in this when his _Impedimenta _blasted right through her weak shield, staggering her.

"The other Black!"

Narcissa returned to her seat, still poised but with a sour twist to her lips that made me smile.

Sirius strode to the front of the room, whipping his wand out of his pocket with a flourish and striking a pose that was more show than actual preparedness as his weight was centered too far forward. He made out about as well as Narcissa, but that was their only similarity. He was all power and little poise or precision.

As I'd expected, Sirius was good, but he still had a long way to go to be anything like the man I had known.

A few more students had their turn, none quite as impressive as Narcissa or Sirius, though most were smart enough to have their wand easily at hand before they reached the front of the room.

"Evans!"

Severus straightened up a little as Lily approached the front of the room and I scolded myself for not remembering that they had a history.

Lily reminded me of myself a few years ago as she focused furiously and performed with knowledge but not experience. She managed to last a little longer than Sirius, but only after several very close calls. I noticed that Severus winced when Lily was at last hit and stumbled back.

When Alice Ferris approached the front of the room, I recognized the thin young woman with close cropped hair. A quick glance around the room confirmed it when I spotted Frank Longbottom at the table where Alice had been sitting. Neville's parents.

She and Frank both did fairly well.

When it was Lupin's turn, I noticed the quiet weight to the way he moved, and I remembered that he was already a werewolf. That had to be a heavy burden to bear for a teenager. He fought the same way that he moved, everything quiet and understated. He seemed to be nearly as good as Sirius. Though he didn't have quite as much power behind his magic, he was less reckless and it allowed him to last longer than Sirius had.

Malfoy strutted to the front next and performed much as Narcissa – no doubt they both received private tutoring at home over the summers. He was better than Narcissa though. Probably the best in the class thus far. I remembered far too clearly how good he'd be twenty years from now. Of course, he'd also be in Azkaban, so it wasn't all bad.

In the end, I was not surprised that it was his arrogance that got him. Moody had fallen into a pattern in his attacks and Lucius was taken by surprise when the pattern was broken by a very quick attack.

I found myself glowering as Wormtail scurried up to the front of the room, attempted to draw his wand and dropped it. I wondered how he'd managed to pass his OWL and could only guess that the Defense professor last year must have been admitting anyone who managed an acceptable.

He didn't last any longer than Ashleigh had and I heartily joined the other Slytherins in laughing when he was hit by an _impedimenta_, lost his balance, and landed in a sprawl on his overly large rear.

"Potter!" he called finally and James rose, cloaked in his self-assurance, as always. The worst of it was that he actually did well. Better than Malfoy. He preened beneath the professor's praise that followed, but it was like Moody could sense it. He followed the praise almost immediately by a reminder that he wouldn't last a minute in a real fight against a trained Auror.

I shared a smile with Severus at that.

"Snape!"

"Good luck," I offered quietly as Severus got up.

I found myself anxiously gripping my own wand as Severus dueled, biting my lip and wincing every time he reacted in a way that didn't seem the best choice to me. In the end, Moody hit him with several attacks in rapid succession and I held by breath as he deflected each by an increasingly narrow margin.

At last, one got through and I winced as it landed.

"Wilkins!"

I jumped up and smiled consolingly at Severus as I passed him.

I faced Moody and drew my wand, surprised by how anxious I was. My heart pounded though I ruthlessly fought the memories of the last time I'd dueled. Moody said something but I couldn't hear it over the screams in my head.

Then his wand twitched and I reacted as though I wasn't fighting a panic attack.

Moody blocked the spell that I'd reflected and he lowered his wand.

As he left his aggressive pose, my mind began to clear and I could think again. I realized that I was trembling.

"Are you okay?" Moody asked with concern.

I nodded stiffly.

He eyed me a moment more, then looked at the rest of the class. "Did anyone catch what she just did? It was something that no one else in this room even attempted."

A few hands went up but I wasn't paying that much attention. I was still trying to get my heart to slow down into a relatively normal range. I was appalled at my reaction. Would I have reacted the same way in a real duel? After months of practicing and borderline paranoia, it was extremely unnerving to realize that I could fall apart like that in the face of a fight. All the knowledge in the world did no good if I panicked the first time someone raised a wand against me.

"She used a nonverbal spell," I heard Malfoy saying.

"Yes, she did. Nonverbals are considerably more difficult, but extremely useful, as you saw. By foregoing the verbal component of the spell, Miss Wilkins was able to react much more quickly. What else did she do?"

"She reflected the spell instead of merely deflecting it." Lily, I thought.

"That's right, Miss Evans. While either one will protect you, reflection sends the spell back on the caster, forcing him to protect himself instead of attacking you again immediately." He turned back to me at last and his eyes were measuring me.

I realized that he hadn't only paused to make a point to the other students but to give me a moment to collect myself. I nodded slightly.

One groomed white eyebrow rose appraisingly, then he set himself to attack again.

I was better prepared this time. The memories still came, but I was able to hold them at bay.

"_Expelliarmus_!"

I reflected again and he blocked before immediately launching an _impedimenta_ at me.

We went back and forth that way for at least twice as long as anyone else in the room before he really started to pick up the pace.

The memories faded further as my focus increased. Unlike Severus, who had allowed himself to be overwhelmed, I dodged a few spells here and there in order to keep up.

My instincts were screaming at me to move, duck behind something, fight back, anything to tip the scales of this battle that I knew I wasn't going to win straight up but I fought them, focusing on the parameters of the lesson.

Finally, Moody began throwing nonverbals at me.

My instincts got the better of me. I met his eyes and used a silent Legilimens. I hadn't had much practice and he did have some skill with Occlumency, but I got enough of a purchase to buy me an extra fraction of a second on his attacks. I could also tell that he was aware of what I was doing, but he didn't comment on it. He did, however, increase his pace even further.

Outside considerations completely disappeared, including the class that was observing as I poured every scrap of my attention into the battle, struggling to last one second at a time, searching for my opening to strike back.

And then he just stopped.

I stared at him warily, waiting for a trick, something, anything.

"That's all for today," he announced to the class without taking his eyes off me. "You're dismissed."

Gradually, my pulse began to slow and I remembered where I was and what I was doing. I quickly tucked my wand back into my sleeve and hurried toward my table.

"A word, Miss Wilkins," Moody called, stopping me just as I reached my table.

Severus was staring at me kind of strangely. "I'll see you in potions," he offered before leaving with the rest of the class.

I turned back to the professor.

He flicked his wand to close the door, then leaned against his desk as I approached him.

"Do you know why I stopped the class?" he posed.

"Because the time was up?" I hoped.

He shook his head and my hopes plummeted. "I was never much for Legilimency, but I could see in your eyes that you were about to attack me. You were just waiting for an opening."

I looked at my feet.

"You're not in trouble," he assured me and I met his eyes again, warily. "When was the last time that you dueled?"

I swallowed hard. "Early this summer."

He nodded, "Was it a friendly duel?"

I shook my head.

"That's what I thought," he sighed. "What happened?"

I thought quickly. "I'm a half-blood, sir, but my family always lived primarily in the muggle world."

He nodded to show that he was following.

"We were attacked by… dark wizards."

His eyes narrowed. "Death Eaters?"

I nodded.

"You fought them?"

"Yes, sir."

"What happened?"

"My parents died," I said quietly, thinking of those who really had died that day.

He sighed heavily. "You should have told me that," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that in front of the class."

I shook my head quickly, "It's okay. I… I've been studying hard all summer – practicing. I don't know why… I shouldn't have reacted like that. If it had been a real fight, I'd be dead."

He nodded slowly, "And that understanding right there is what makes you so much better than everyone else in your class. Don't misunderstand me, you have skill and power. You know your spells very well. But you defended yourself with the tenacity of a woman fighting for her life. Everyone else that faced me did so with the comforting knowledge that they'd be nothing more than embarrassed if they failed.

"What happened to you was a terrible tragedy. You've used it to make yourself stronger rather than living in fear. I respect that, Miss Wilkins." He straightened up. "Now I won't keep you from your next class, but I would like to continue this conversation later. May I see your schedule?"

Despite my acutely throbbing head, I used an accio to fetch it from my bag where it sat by my desk and handed it to him.

He smiled slightly, "You're incredibly skilled with silent spells."

"I've been casting all my spells nonverbally all summer," I admitted.

He nodded, his eyes on my schedule. After a moment, he handed it back to me. "Meet me back here at five tonight."

"Yes, sir," I nodded and fled the room, my mind still reeling from my reaction to that duel. I hadn't had this problem before, even after the battle in the Department of Mysteries. Of course, I didn't usually have friendly duels with intimidating strangers. Regardless, I didn't like it. I resolved to ask Professor Moody if he could help me to overcome it.

"Hermione!" Slughorn bellowed when I tried to sneak into the potions lab late.

"Sorry, sir," I called immediately. "Professor Moody kept me after class."

"Not getting into trouble, I hope," he smiled fondly.

"No, sir," I assured him, twisting my lips into a smile.

"Well, I'm sure that Severus can fill you in on what you've missed," he offered, gesturing toward the only person in the room in need of a partner.

I sidled up to Severus, offering him a grateful smile. "So what are we doing?" I asked, trying to shake my melancholy while I summoned my supplies from my bag and enlarged those that were still reduced.

Severus glanced around the room to where I knew all eyes were trained on me. More than half the students around us had been in Defense with us. The rest had likely been filled in on the happenings by now. "Langdon's Lament," he said after a moment of hesitation. "It protects against or cures most poisons."

"Excellent," I said with a little more enthusiasm than the project probably warranted. "Let's get to work."

Double Potions had always been a dreaded class for me, but it passed in no time at all today. Working with Severus was astonishingly calming. He was so obviously in his element while brewing, his every movement smooth and deliberate. When he talked it was nearly hypnotic, low and soft and as deliberate as every subtle twitch of his fingers. For the first time in my life I found myself working with a partner who outshone me completely.

I'd have expected that seeing him here, brewing potions would have reminded me strongly of my old professor, but it was just the opposite. The differences had never been greater. He wasn't teaching now, he was brewing. I'd always looked at brewing as a very precise science, but he made it an art, making adjustments to the recipe as he felt was warranted.

I'd protested the first time he'd deviated from the instructions but he'd assured me that it was "better this way" with such confidence that I'd said no more about it. As the potion developed, I found myself believing him. He decreased the stirring by a quarter turn here or added an extra turn in the opposite direction there.

When it was finally time for our creations to be graded, Slughorn examined ours carefully, even going so far as to cast a couple diagnostic spells before his hand went to his belly and he laughed heartily, declaring it "better than I could have made it".

And I didn't doubt it, though I knew Slughorn deserved his potions' mastery.

I positively beamed at Severus. I was still complimenting his skill with potions as we left the Potion's lab when Sirius Black suddenly cut into our path.

"Please don't hex me, love!" he said hastily to me. "I just wanted to say that I thought your display in Defense was absolutely beautiful!" If it hadn't been for the way he leered, that may have been a pleasant compliment. "I've never seen wand work like that before." He stepped up close to my side opposite Severus, throwing an arm over my shoulders and completely ignoring the other man. "I know of a little place we can sneak away to if you'd deign to show me some of your tricks," he said suggestively.

"Oh, we don't have to go anywhere, Sirius Black," I purred in response while I discreetly drew my wand. "I can show you a few tricks right here," I offered, lightly pressing my wand into the bottom of his chin.

He coughed nervously when he felt the wand point. "Ah, yes," he said with a strained smile. "Perhaps later, love."

"Oh, count on it," I threatened pleasantly.

He swallowed kind of hard as he removed his arm and hastened to disappear into the crowd.

I glanced at Severus to see that he was smirking and shaking his head. "I love how you're always so pleasant about it even as you torment them," he admitted.

"Honestly?" I grimaced, "If I didn't keep smiling, I'd probably lose my temper. As satisfying as it would be to see the lot of them in the hospital wing, I'm not all that fond of detentions."

"Good to know," he nodded. "I'll make sure I'm far away if you ever look seriously angry."

I smiled at him.

After a moment of hesitation, he broached the subject that had clearly been on his mind. "That _was_ pretty amazing, what you did in Defense," he said quietly, looking straight ahead instead of at me.

I sighed, "Yeah, I got a little carried away."

"Carried away?" he asked in surprise. "You did exactly what we were supposed to do. You defended yourself. And a lot better than the rest of us," he noted with some evident self-loathing.

I nodded, but didn't comment.

"Where did you learn all that?" he asked warily as we ascended to the ground floor and started toward the greenhouses for Herbology.

"I had some really good teachers," I admitted quietly. "And I've had some experience."

"What kind of experience?" he asked hesitantly.

I didn't really want to get into it, but I recalled that Severus had joined the Death Eaters of his own free will not too long from now. I might be able to change his mind…

"My parents were killed last summer, Severus," I admitted quietly as we stepped out into the bright, sunny day. It was unseasonably warm today. It was all much too cheerful for such a discussion.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

I nodded, gnawing my lower lip to hold back the tears that always tried to come when I allowed myself to think about those I'd left behind when I came here.

He very pointedly did not ask me any questions about it, but I'd decided to forge ahead before bringing it up.

"I'm a half-blood," I lied, sticking with my story though I did feel a little guilty lying to Severus. He was starting to feel surprisingly like a friend.

He didn't comment, but he was looking at me with interest now.

"My mother married a muggle, and we've always lived mostly in the muggle world, restricting magic to behind closed doors and our infrequent trips into the wizarding world." It was bothering me a bit how easily these lies came to my lips. Maybe I really did deserve to be in Slytherin. "We were attacked last summer. By Death Eaters."

His eyes rounded in shock and he stopped walking. "Death Eaters?" he barely whispered.

I stopped too, nodding and turning to face him. I was certain that my eyes were perfectly sincere. I was lying, but I had seen what Death Eaters did to muggleborns and their families. It didn't feel like that much of a lie. "Mother and I fought. Both my parents were killed. I killed one of them before I escaped."

He looked completely blindsided by what I'd told him. I couldn't understand how he hadn't seen that the Death Eaters were capable of that kind of barbarity.

"Just because your mother married a muggle?" he demanded, though I didn't think that the question was really directed toward me.

"They called her a blood traitor," I supplied.

"She was pureblood?!" he gaped, as though that made it worse.

"From Australia. Her family's not known around here. We left because she wanted to get away from her family. I was too little to remember them much." God, the lies just kept piling up!

"Come on. We'll be late," I said quietly after he'd stood there for over a minute lost in thought. I took his elbow lightly and started him moving again.

I noted that James and his friends passed us without a word. They were afraid of me, I gathered, but I didn't doubt that they'd rally once they'd had time to get used to what they'd seen from me that morning.

~.~.{o}.~.~

Severus was pensive all through Herbology and I had to quietly prompt him a few times to keep him from making a really obvious mistake – I was used to that from classes with Ron. I silently prayed that he would take my words to heart and forget any fond feelings for the Death Eaters.

"Are you okay?" I asked him quietly as we left the greenhouses, again without a word from James and his friends.

He blinked and looked at me. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've been really quiet and kind of distracted since… Since I told you about my parents. I didn't mean to upset you-"

"Upset _me_?" he asked incredulously. "_I'm_ the one who's sorry! I'm sorry that I made you talk about that-"

"It's okay," I assured him. "Really. You didn't force me to tell you. I'm perfectly capable of evading or ignoring a question, Severus."

He looked duly chastened. "Right. I know that. I just… That's just so… horrible."

I nodded. It helped with my guilt that I could very easily have been telling someone's story, even if it wasn't my own. Plus, it wasn't as though I hadn't been through my share of horrible things. And I had lost my parents, if not quite in that way. I was getting good at justifying my lies. Another Slytherin trait, I suspected.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it anymore," I announced. "Let's just go have lunch, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded, and we walked all the way into the Great Hall without saying another word.

For the first time since arriving at Hogwarts for the term, I was able to sit down with Severus without Lucius saying anything to me. I couldn't help but notice that he was watching me though, his silvery eyes studying me like I was an intriguing puzzle he'd just discovered. I really hoped that didn't bode ill, but I suspected that it did.

Severus didn't have much to say over lunch and I suspected that he was still thinking. It seemed I'd really managed to skew his entire world view with just a few sentences.

When we arrived in the Charms room, Severus took the seat next to me without any apparent thought. Blessedly, we were sharing the room with Ravenclaws this time, so James and his friends were nowhere in evidence. Lucius wasn't there either. I supposed that he didn't take Advanced Charms.

I smiled when Professor Flitwick began the class. He looked really young, as did everyone that I'd known in my time, but he was very much as I remembered.

Severus seemed like he was getting back to himself more throughout the class, for which I was sincerely glad when we were ordered to turn to our partners and spend the last few minutes of the class practicing the charm we'd learned on each other.

"You were listening to the lecture, right?" I teased warily when he lifted his wand toward me.

In response, he flicked his wand at my face with a muttered word.

I started slightly but it hadn't hurt and I could still see fine.

Severus picked up one of the little mirrors we'd been given for the lesson and held it up for me to see that my irises were… pure white!

"That's horrible!" I scolded, punching his shoulder lightly. "Pick something else!"

He rolled his eyes and cast the charm again, but he was smiling a bit – finally.

I watched as my eyes darkened to Slytherin green and grinned. They still didn't suit me, but they were much preferable to white.

"Well, you made my eyes white, shall I make yours black?" I couldn't help but smirk.

"Clever," he drawled in a way that reminded me very strongly of an older Severus.

"Yes, I know," I waved dismissively, then snapped my wand at him.

He took the mirror warily and turned it toward his face, his lemon yellow eyes narrowing when he caught his reflection. He opened his mouth – to chastise me, no doubt – but I cast the charm again before he could say anything.

His eyes flicked back to the mirror and calmed when he saw the dark blue color I'd picked.

We spent several minutes playing with the charm, trying to outdo each other for the most offensive color. When the professor came to check on us, my eyes were vomit green and Severus' eyes were screaming pink. Flitwick smiled, pleased, and moved on.

Before the class ended, I changed his eyes to my toffee brown and he made mine black. After carefully examining ourselves in the mirror, we each took back our natural colors.

The carefree Charms class spilled into the hallway as we chatted about other charms and humorous ways that they could be applied.

Our laughter was quickly staunched, however, when Professor McGonagall frowned at our entrance to her room. Once we were passed her, I leaned closer to Severus to whisper, "Look, Lucius again. Smashing."

Severus chuckled as we bravely took seats at the front of the room.

Despite our play though, we both took our classes very seriously and thus had no difficulty readying our texts and getting parchment, quill, and ink ready to take notes before the class started.

McGonagall let her eyes sweep over the room, pausing briefly to send a smile my way, then brought the class to order.

After taking notes while she lectured through most of the class, we finally got the chance to ply our skills in the last ten minutes. We each collected an old chipped teacup from the front of the room and returned to our desks.

McGonagall demonstrated, of course. Tapping the cup three times, she flicked her wand and spoke the words, "Et eam quod rosae". And the cup became a blooming red rose.

When she instructed us to begin, I stared at my cup, trying to decide what I wanted it to be. That was the challenge of the lesson. We each had to pick something different and figure out how to make it into that. Of course, I'd spent the entire summer perfecting my transfiguration just to fill my empty house, so this was rather old hat for me.

I heard Severus mutter something next to me and looked over to see his cup become a silver dagger.

"Nice," I smiled at him.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

I frowned, "I don't know. That's why I haven't done it yet." I stared at it a moment longer, and I could practically feel McGonagall's eyes on me, waiting to see me do the spell. I did the first thing that popped into my head.

My teacup became a music box, tinkling out my favorite tune.

"Very good, Miss Wilkins," McGonagall said as she approached, picking up the music box and examining it critically. "Very impressive detail, several different materials, and clock-work gears." Her eyes rose to mine and she lowered her voice, "And you did it nonverbally."

I blushed when I realized that. "I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I've been practicing nonverbal magic all summer. I didn't even think about it."

"Oh, don't apologize, Miss Wilkins," she came back immediately. "It was very impressive."

She set the box down in front of me again and headed toward the back of the room, scolding someone who'd evidently failed to cast the spell properly.

I smiled slightly after her. I'd really missed her. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I looked at Severus, who looked annoyed.

"Sorry," I said quietly. "I really wasn't trying to make you look bad or anything."

He glanced at me. "Don't worry about it," he said unconvincingly.

My shoulders fell, my good mood fading. I'd always strived to be the best, and Ron and Harry had mostly been content to admit from the start that I was better than they were at spells and stuff. I suddenly felt like I was eleven years old again, shunned for being an insufferable know-it-all.

I heard Severus mutter something under his breath and turned to see his silver dagger become a miniaturized standup clock.

"Now _that's_ clockwork gears," he said with satisfaction.

A smile tugged my lips wide as I watched the tiny swinging pendulum. Severus may not take it as well when I outdid him, I realized, but he was up to fighting back. I was so happy I'd have hugged him if I wasn't sure that it would be terribly embarrassing for both of us.

He noticed my smile and returned it, though not quite as wide. He shrugged a bit sheepishly, "I've been at the top of this class for six years," he admitted. "You're really going to make me work for it though."

I laughed and suggested, "Okay, how about this. Let's study together, and we'll see if we can tie for first."

He huffed in amused surprise. "Slytherins don't generally try to _tie_, if we can win," he informed me.

"From what I've heard, Slytherins don't generally have many good friends either," I noted. "So instead of competing all year until we hate each other, let's work together."

He sat back a little and studied me like he was trying to figure out what was in it for me.

"And if we share our strengths instead of coveting them, we'll both be even better. We may graduate with the highest scores in a hundred years," I offered to sweeten the pot that he clearly thought may well be poisoned.

"Oh, my," McGonagall's voice interrupted as she caught sight of Severus' clock. "This is very nice work, Mr. Snape. Ten points to Slytherin for each of you for superb work."

Severus smiled at me, then extended his hand. I returned his smile and shook his hand firmly. This year might not be so bad after all…

* * *

**For anyone that has not yet done so, don't forget to check out the companion fic "When A Phoenix Cries: Severus". I hear it's actually pretty entertaining! ;-)**


	6. A Friend

**Author's Note: **Ha, I bet you didn't think I was gonna post today, didja? Well, you can thank my nocturnal plot bunnies and copious amounts of coffee for today's chapters. All right, Day 1 Part 2. I do hope you enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter VI – A Friend**

"You've got a free period now, right?" Severus asked as we left the Transfiguration room.

I nodded.

"Where are you off to?" he asked without looking at me.

"I was thinking of heading back to my room to do some reading," I admitted.

He nodded indifferently. Maybe a bit _too _indifferently.

"Why don't you come with me?" I suggested. "You could borrow those books I mentioned earlier."

He looked surprised by the first question, but nodded to the second.

We proceeded down to the Slytherin common room together and both ignored the younger Slytherins gathered there.

I opened my door and wandlessly disabled the wards long enough for him to enter behind me.

"Bloody hell…" I heard Severus mutter and turned to see his eyes trailing around the room in amazement.

I blushed. I hadn't even thought about what I'd done to my room when I'd invited him.

"My room is tiny," he complained, eyes following a cloud's lazy drift across the ceiling.

"This was too," I admitted, locating _Matter of Space_ on my bookshelf and enlarging it. I offered it to Severus, who took it with intent interest. "I expanded it, and the bed, transfigured some of the other furniture, and used charms to decorate."

"It's really impressive," he noted sincerely as he lowered himself onto one end of the sofa and started paging through the book.

"Thanks," I smiled, scanning the shelf until I found a book that I wanted to read. I took it back to the sofa, sat on the opposite end from Severus, and flipped through to the part I was looking for.

It was probably almost half an hour before either of us spoke again. "The Power and Pitfalls of Darkness?" His voice was wary.

He'd finally noticed the title of my book.

I looked at him innocently and nodded. "That's right."

He shook his head slowly, "I honestly wouldn't have taken you for one to be interested in… that sort of thing."

"And why not?" I asked quietly, my tone solemn. "Because _Avada Kedavra_ killed my mother?"

His eyes widened and his face turned vaguely pink. He looked frustrated.

"Sometimes the dark arts are necessary," I explained, softening my tone. "You can't always fight dark wizards with stunning spells. When they're trying to kill you, you try to kill them right back. Believe me."

He looked down at his book but his face was pensive and his eyes didn't move over the words.

"Even when you're not using dark magic, the more you know about it, the better," I continued, my voice taking on more of a lecturing tone.

He looked at me again, his eyes still wary.

"It helps to know what to expect – what someone might try to do to you, and hopefully how to deal with it if it happens. I've never used the Unforgiveables myself and I won't use dark magic unless I feel that I have no other choice, but I will be prepared."

He nodded silently and after a moment we both went back to reading until it was time for me to get to my Ancient Runes class – my last of the day and the only class that I didn't share with Severus.

I borrowed him the book he'd been reading and _All In a Day's Charms_ and I followed him out of the room.

"I have to meet with Professor Moody after Ancient Runes, but I'll see you at dinner," I offered as we started through the common room.

His brow drew down, "Did you get in trouble this morning?" he asked with concern.

"No, nothing like that," I assured him. "He just said that he wanted to talk to me."

Severus nodded, still looking concerned, and I left him in the common room as I set a fast pace for my last class.

I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed having Severus in classes with me until I sat a whole class without him. I really didn't know anyone else, and I was guessing that rumors of my duel with Moody that morning had spread since all five of my classmates were looking at me with wary curiosity. I mostly just tried to keep my head down, ignore the looks, and focus on my work.

When the class finally ended, I made my way to the Defense room. I paused outside the door and took a deep breath, preparing myself mentally to spin more lies for the concerned professor.

I stepped into the room to find Professor Moody busily rearranging the room with his wand. I stopped just inside and waited for him to acknowledge me.

"Close the door, Miss Wilkins," he said after a moment.

I complied and then waited another minute until he'd finished sliding all the tables against the walls and stacking the chairs on top of them, then he finally turned to face me. "I've given some thought to your situation," he explained, gesturing me toward two chairs facing each other in front of his desk.

I sat in one and he took the other, facing me with about a foot of space between our knees.

"I don't want to you come to Defense class anymore."

My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up a hand to forestall me.

"I'm not removing you from my class and I will still make sure that you are prepared for your Defense NEWT, but from what I saw this morning, you probably already know most of what I intend to teach this year anyway."

I frowned uncertainly, trying to understand where he was going with this.

"I'd like to teach you privately," he explained.

My frown deepened, "Sir, I wouldn't ask you to give up your personal time for-"

"You didn't," he interrupted, "I'm offering. No," he corrected, "I'm _insisting_. Miss Wilkins, you have potential in this subject that I've never seen before and I don't think I need to remind you of your OWL grade."

I nodded warily.

"If you continue to set your mind to it, you could be a witch of nearly unrivaled skill. Do you know what you intend to do when you graduate?"

"I haven't really gotten that far," I admitted.

He nodded, "Well, considering the classes that you're taking, I'd say you're primed to enter auror training when you graduate."

My eyes widened at that. Of course I'd thought about it, but not really since leaving my own time.

"Just something to think about," he offered. "The aurors could use someone like you."

I nodded mutely.

"So, from now on, take first period as a free period and meet me here at five o'clock."

"Okay," I said quietly. "What exactly are you going to teach me?"

"Well, regardless of what you decide to do when you graduate, I'll catch you up on the curriculum for this year, anything that you don't already know, and then I'll move on to the lessons normally taught during the first year of auror training."

My eyes widened and I smiled involuntarily. This was exactly what I needed.

He noticed my smile and returned it. "I take it you have no objection to that?"

"No, sir," I said immediately.

"Good. Get your text and we'll start going through it. If you already know it, you can show it to me, and if I'm satisfied in your grasp of it, we'll move on.

We got more than a quarter of the way through the textbook before dinner.

"I have to ask," he said as I was packing my book away.

I looked at him curiously.

"Where did you learn all of this?"

"Some of it I learned from reading on my own," I admitted. "Well, a good bit of it. For the rest, I had some really remarkable teachers."

"But why?" he pressed. "Why were you trained in these things?"

I sobered. "Because there's a war coming, Professor Moody. Pretending that it is otherwise will not change that."

"You've been training to fight in a war?" he frowned. "You're just a kid."

"I'm older than some that Voldemort has recruited."

Impressively, he didn't flinch at the name. "If you truly wish to fight, you should do so with the aurors," he implored.

"I may," I nodded. "I should get to dinner, Professor."

He nodded and I left the room, sighing heavily once I was certain that I was too far away to be heard. I spent the walk to the Great Hall replaying in my mind everything that had been said in the last hour, committing every lie to memory to ensure that they'd remain consistent.

I was a few minutes late to dinner and Severus was already eating when I sat down at his side. "Did you miss me?" I grinned at him.

"Honestly, I spent the last two hours weeping," he deadpanned.

I laughed out loud, relieved by his easy company.

He was silent for a moment before asking quietly, "How'd it go with Professor Moody?"

"Well, we won't have defense together anymore," I admitted.

His eyes widened, "Did he kick you out of the class?!"

"In a manner of speaking," I shrugged. "He's going to give me private lessons in the afternoon."

"Private lessons?" he asked, surprised. "Why?"

I debated on how to answer. To give one answer, I'd sound like I was bragging. To give the other… Well, I wasn't quite comfortable enough with Severus to admit that kind of vulnerability. "He's trying to convince me to enter auror training when I graduate," I hedged, "so he's started me on a sort of _advanced_ Advanced Defense."

He was thoughtful for a moment, then nodded, "I guess that makes sense. You did kind of put the rest of us to shame this morning."

I blushed and turned my attention to my plate.

"So why are you taking Ancient Runes?" he asked after I'd filled my plate and taken a few bites.

Glad that he'd changed the subject, I smiled, "Believe it or not, the ability to read ancient runes has come in handy a few times."

He looked so doubtful that I had to laugh at him.

"Honestly, Severus," I chastised. "I've figured out that you respect the value of books. You can't find a translation for every book, and the ones you do find are always iffy. It's impossible to know the accuracy of the translations, and translation spells aren't any better, particularly when it comes to ancient runes. The runes carry a magic of their own, which makes the translation spells go a bit haywire…" I trailed off when I noticed the way he was smirking at me. "What?" I demanded.

He shook his head slowly, "You just sounded a lot like I do when talking about potions."

I shrugged self-consciously.

"I like it," he assured me, his cheeks coloring a bit when I stared at him.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "Most people find it annoying when I go on about something like that."

"Oh, you are quite annoying," Severus agreed, then winced when I elbowed him. "But you've been putting up with me all day, so I suppose I can overlook it," he finished.

He'd clearly meant that as a joke, but I caught the vulnerability that flashed in his eyes when he mentioned that I'd been "putting up" with him.

I sighed and looked at him earnestly, "Severus, you're my only friend in this whole ruddy school."

He looked surprised to hear that.

"You have no idea how bad my Ancient Runes class was," I went on, trying to impress on him how much I valued his company. "Everyone was staring at me and no one talked to me at all."

He frowned unhappily.

There didn't really seem to be anything else to say, so I turned back to my food and left him to his thoughts.

"You are a bit intimidating," he said after a moment. "I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends once people get to know you."

"I'm not so sure," I admitted after giving it a moment of thought. "I'm really not that much fun. I spend most of my free time reading or doing homework."

We both concentrated on our food after that.

"Where are you headed now?" Severus asked lightly as we got up from dinner.

"I don't know," I lied. "I think I'd just like to be alone for a little while. I lived alone all summer, so I'm guess I'm just used to it."

He nodded. "Okay, then. I'll see you at breakfast?"

"Who else would I sit with?" I smiled.

He returned my smile a bit uncertainly and I watched him stroll toward the dungeons. It wasn't quite the smooth gait I remembered yet – it was lacking in confidence – but I could see it getting there.

Once he was out of sight, I took a round-about way up to the seventh floor, using secret passages and retracing my steps when necessary to be sure that no one was following me out of curiosity or a more malign intent, such as James Potter looking for a little payback. I had to remember to be careful or I was going to find myself bright red.

That thought made me smile. I wouldn't mind showing my inner Gryffindor – even if the house was evidently full of prats at the moment.

I stopped in front of the portrait of trolls attempting ballet and considered what I wanted. I knew that it was necessary to be quite specific about one's needs when seeking the Room of Requirement. _I need a place to train where no one can find me, _I thought, pacing in front of the blank stretch of wall that concealed the room. I repeated the thought three times as I paced the hall, then turned to see that a door had appeared.

Smiling, I opened it and my jaw dropped. It was even better than I'd expected. With one more glance around to make sure no one saw me, I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. The room was huge, filled with everything I could imagine wanting in a practice room. There was even a jogging track circling around the oval-shaped walls.

I started in the middle of the room, with the practice dummies. They were just like the ones we'd used during our practice with Dumbledore, McGonagall, Lupin, and the others over the years. We'd used the Room of Requirement then as well, but our teachers had always created it, so it had always looked and functioned as they wished it to.

I took a deep breath, drew my wand, and called, "Ready!"

The dummy swung into motion, launching a combination of _expelliarmus_ and _impedimenta_ at random and defending itself by blocking, deflecting, and reflecting.

This wasn't causing the flashbacks and accompanying panic, I noticed almost immediately. I was fighting a dummy rather than a real person, and I knew that it wouldn't attack me with anything more dangerous because it couldn't. It wasn't the same at all, but at least there was a give and take that I hadn't had during all my hours of practice and study over the summer. It was a start.

After an hour of nearly constant dueling with one or more dummies, using the simulated terrain for cover and variety, I put my wand away, transfigured my robes into shorts and a t-shirt, and made use of the jogging track. The track, I discovered, even had convenient markers every hundred meters totaling a full kilometer all the way around. I ran laps until I couldn't run anymore, then discovered the very convenient bathing area behind screens tucked away on one side.

I filled a massive tub and soaked until my muscles stopped shaking and cramping and my headache had calmed to a dull throbbing. I started to get drowsy. I finally washed, dried magically and fixed my hair, then cleaned by clothes and transfigured them back into robes before getting dressed.

I was feeling much better when I snuck out of the room after curfew. I disillusioned myself and silenced my steps to avoid being caught in the halls, and it was a good thing that I had as I passed Professor McGonagall on the way. She may like me well enough for my skill in Transfigurations, but I had no doubt that she'd be happy to take points from Slytherin and maybe assign me a detention as well.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I was safely back in my common room. Movement in the room drew my attention and I automatically drew my wand as I spun toward it.

Severus was sprawled across one side of the sofa in front of the fireplace, his hand on his wand as he looked toward the wall that had just opened and closed for no evident reason. "Hermione?" he said cautiously.

I smiled as I removed the disillusionment. "How'd you know?" I asked as I moved to join him.

"You're the only Slytherin I know that can disappear that well," he admitted, moving his feet so that I could sit on the opposite end of the sofa. "You're also the only one I know of that's out after curfew."

"That makes sense," I smirked.

"Where were you?" he wondered.

"I went for a run," I said, figuring that half a lie was better than average for me lately.

"A run?" he asked as though he didn't understand the concept.

"Yes. A run," I laughed.

"Why?" He looked positively bewildered.

"Because you can't count on magic for everything. Sometimes you just have to run, and if that time ever comes, you'd better hope you can run fast," I smiled, reciting the explanation that Lupin had given us in our third year when he'd started us on the physical routine.

He looked at my curiously, "Sounds like a lesson."

"One of my tutors," I nodded. "He was a very smart man and he always knew what he was talking about."

Severus nodded thoughtfully, "There aren't many wizards who endorse doing things the muggle way. My mother would say there's a spell for everything the muggles can do."

"Running for your life is universal," I pointed out. "All the spells in the world won't do you any good if you're wandless or your magic is otherwise inhibited."

"True," he allowed.

I got up and stretched my arms toward the ceiling, arching my back until I could feel the pull all down my stomach. When I was done, I muffled a yawn. "Well, I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted."

"Good night, Hermione," he called without getting up.

"Good night, Severus," I smiled over my shoulder before starting down the hall to my room.

* * *

**Severus POV should be up in a few minutes. Please review. Hearing your thoughts is wonderful inspiration to keep writing.**


	7. In Broad Daylight

**Author's Note: **Okay. Long chapter. As promised.

* * *

**Chapter VII - In Broad Daylight**

The first few weeks back at Hogwarts were an odd combination of peace and stress for me. Severus, I was somewhat surprised to find, was the best part by far. True to our pact, we spent hours studying together, generally either in the library or my room as the common room provided too many distractions between Lucius' almost constant staring, Reg's skulking in corners, and the younger students' generally raucous presence. Lately, Lucius' posse of pompous slives had taken to staring as well. A couple seemed to prefer leering, but they rarely approached. Still, it was… disconcerting.

I tutored Severus in Defense while he returned the favor for Potions. Everything else was more give and take, with each of us having specific strengths and weaknesses in each subject.

Rather than simply doing the homework and practicing the spells as I'd done with Ron and Harry, Severus and I pushed each other for more. Always more as we struggled to best each other at everything. If he did a charm well, I'd feel compelled to perfect it, and which point, he would be forced to improve it, and so on. The essays were no different. If I made a compelling argument, he'd have to discover a counter argument. We barely left the library on the weekends, always searching for a new, better, more intuitive reference to guide us.

I'd never in my life felt so intellectually challenged.

My private lessons with Professor Moody were more difficult. I made it through the seventh year text by the end of the first full week of classes as I had learned the vast majority of it – or at least some version of it – during the lessons given us by the Order members. The second week brought us back to dueling as I had practically begged him to help me overcome my "issues" with it.

The first few days were filled with brief bouts of dueling punctuated by his halting the lessons so that I could calm down. I began to overcome the feeling of panic fairly quickly, but maintaining control for more than a few minutes during a duel was incredibly difficult.

"Instincts are very important in a duel, Miss Wilkins," he informed me when he forced a break midway through the week. "They can protect you during a fight – help you to make the right decision when you don't have time to think about it. If you can't control them, however, they can also be a detriment."

I nodded wearily, devoting most of my energy to not clutching at my aching head and giving myself away.

"React on instinct alone at the wrong time, and it could get you killed," he continued, his tone solemn but even and somehow comforting. "You may not see a trap until it is too late, or you may even react to a false threat, and then you may hurt someone who meant you no harm."

I nodded slowly, letting his words sink into me and engrave themselves on my mind. If I could truly convince myself on a base level that acting on instinct alone was more dangerous than beneficial, I knew that I could learn to control it. I fought the urge to wince as I pushed myself back to my feet and lifted my wand to indicate that I was ready to go again.

My control did begin to improve from there, but it was not my greatest concern. Using so much magic every day in my classes – particularly Defense as we worked through an hour of dueling each day – was taking its toll on my body. My headache seemed permanent and the sparks of pain brought on by casting spells gradually grew stronger throughout each day. Fighting the winces and groans was exhausting, and the pain itself seemed to weaken my muscles until I could barely make it back to my bed each night.

I began sneaking away in the evenings and during meals to plunder the stacks in the library for everything that I could find on time travel theory and anything that provided any correlation between pain, headaches, and the use of magic. Despite sifting through dozens of books, my search did not prove very fruitful. I didn't think there existed a book describing a situation like mine, and the pain and headaches that were mentioned were always in relation to specific spells rather than general use of magic – mostly Legilimency and Occlumency or other forms of mind magic.

And that was not even the worst of my budding issues. On top of everything else, the nightmares were coming back. Nightmares of watching my friends die because I'd abandoned them in the future as well as reliving memories from my past. Sirius falling through the veil, curses flying, striking, screaming, prophecies shattering, panic, desperation, death…

I woke screaming, shaking, sobbing at all hours of the night, my body and head aching from the stresses of the past day that I had been unable to sleep off.

When pacing my room became unbearably tedious, I took to sneaking out and pacing the halls. I disillusioned myself when I felt well enough to manage the spell. The rest of the time, I was just very careful – mindful of my surroundings, careful of my steps, and always, always aware of the nearest place to which I could slink away should I find myself no longer alone.

As my common room was now in the dungeons, I found myself spending more time down there than I ever had before. I discovered parts of the castle that I had never known existed when the Slytherin common room and the intimidating specter of Professor Snape had kept me away. I found classrooms that didn't look to have been touched in centuries and secret passageways that I was certain the Marauders had never discovered as they'd not been on their map.

Wandering soon became exploring, and the distraction was a welcome one, helping to ease away my memories and draw me from the depression induced by living with almost continual pain.

To top everything off, I was constantly on high alert for the Marauders. If the caustic looks I was getting from James and Lily were anything to go by, my color-changing charm had been neither forgiven nor forgotten. Though my display in Defense of the first day seemed to have threatened them enough that they avoided challenging me directly, I was always expecting some sort of trap. The fact that none came as the days passed only concerned me further.

During the daylight hours, Severus was my salvation. It was truly impossible to feel too depressed when he was around. Though I'd known him in this time for only a few weeks, I rarely found myself equating him to my professor any longer.

It was on the evening of Friday the 16th when a knock came on my door.

With a groan, I pulled myself out of the bath I'd conjured to ease my aching muscles, promising myself that I would return soon. I wrapped my heavy dressing gown around me and tied it tightly before drawing my wand and going to the door.

I opened it just enough to peek out. I'd mostly expected it to be Severus, so I wasn't surprised when I saw him. I drew the door the rest of the way open and temporarily lowered the wards to allow him entrance. His eyes widened when he saw me, and he didn't move.

"Are you coming in?" I snapped, irritated that he was making me hold the wards when it was making my headache worse and sending micro-flashes of pain through my arms and legs.

He started slightly and quickly stepped inside. Of course, it wasn't his fault. I hadn't told him about my problems with my magic. I hadn't told anyone. Severus couldn't help me since I couldn't explain to him what was causing it and I wouldn't risk telling Dumbledore. He might restrict my use of magic, and that would be unacceptable.

"Did you need something, Severus?" I asked more politely as I closed the door.

He stood facing the tub for a moment, then turned back to me quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt…" he stammered. "I mean, I didn't know… Most students use the wash rooms…"

I smiled wearily as I moved to sink into the sofa. "I guess I'm shy," I smirked.

He blushed faintly and nodded.

"Did you just come by to see what I was doing?" I prompted lightly, pretending that I didn't want to just fall into my bed and die.

"Uh, no," he said quickly. "I actually came to talk to you about expansion charms."

I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"Well, I've cast the spell successfully several times," he explained. "But when I tried it on my room, it didn't work."

I sighed, struggling to kick my weary brain into gear as I thought about his problem. "Well, the larger the space, the more complex an expansion charm becomes," I reasoned.

"I know that," he frowned. "I did read the book, Hermione."

I nodded and stifled a yawn.

His brow drew down. "Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow. You look pretty tired."

I shook my head and forced myself onto my feet. "No, it's okay," I fought another yawn, "I've got a few minutes left in me."

He didn't look very convinced, but he nodded.

"Why don't I give it a try?" I suggested, resisting the urge to wince at the idea of working that spell tonight. "Then we'll know if it's you or something else."

"Okay," he agreed, already heading for the door.

I smiled after him. He was kind of adorable when he got distracted by his thoughts. It reminded me of a younger, less jaded version of myself. From before I'd learned the potentially fatal danger of such distraction and been conditioned to always maintain my awareness – even when I was so exhausted I could barely speak.

It was late and the common room was blessedly empty as I followed him to his room in my dressing gown. I could only imagine the rumors that would be sparked from _that_…

He opened his door and I waited patiently for him to invite me since I didn't want to inadvertently breach his wards. I didn't imagine that his were any more polite than mine. When he waved me through, I stepped inside and looked around the small, neat space curiously. It was the first time I'd actually been into his room. It looked much as mine had before I'd expanded and decorated. Small and utilitarian. He'd clearly put some effort into making it his own however. The ugly carpet had been enlarged and now sparkled in brilliant emerald embroidered with silver thread. His blankets and bed canopy matched, the former being black with green and silver serpentine lines. The wood of all the furniture had been darkened to nearly black. It actually looked nice, if a little dark. Then again, this was Severus Snape. Of course it was dark.

I tried to order my wayward mind as he turned to look at me, and drew my wand, focusing on the intricate workings of the spell. I swished my wand and whispered the incantation since nonverbal magic was a bit more painful for me.

My head instantly began to pound with new fervor and my free hand twitched with the minor eruptions of pain despite my best efforts to conceal them. Blessedly, Severus didn't seem to notice. The charm spread across the room and I could feel it try to take effect. Then there was an outside resistance and the magic faded.

I blinked in surprise as I examined the phenomenon. Something had counteracted the charm. My legs felt like they were going to give out and I automatically walked around Severus and sank down onto his surprisingly comfortable bed. He'd clearly made use of a cushioning charm as well.

"I think the castle is preventing it," I said when my brain finally managed to produce the answer that I had subconsciously known from the moment I cast the spell.

Severus frowned uncertainly and began pacing the small space. "But why would it work in your room? Does it not like me or something?"

I smiled wearily, "I don't think that the castle plays favorites, Severus."

He raised an eyebrow doubtfully and my smile grew slightly.

"There are many reasons it may not allow it," I promised him. "Perhaps this area has simply been expanded to capacity already. Perhaps it only allows the girls to expand their rooms."

His eyes narrowed in annoyance.

I chuckled softly, "Oh, you're so easy to rile."

"And you so love to tease," he added disparagingly.

I nodded agreement, then covered my mouth as a yawn made my jaw creak.

"All right," Severus sighed, walking around the bed to take my arm and gently drag me back to my feet. "You need to get into your own bed before you pass out in mine."

"Yeah, that's fair," I agreed, blinking my dry eyes rapidly in an attempt to make them stay open. He opened the door for me and I stepped out. "Good night, Severus."

"Good evening, Hermione," he nodded.

It was an effort to walk in a straight line all the way back to my room, but I kept my hand on my wand. Being so very weary was making me feel particularly vulnerable. Once I was safely behind my wards, I regretfully banished my bath. If I tried to get back in now, I'd end up falling asleep there, and I'd probably drown myself when I woke from the inevitable nightmare.

I lowered myself gingerly onto the bed, trying not to jar my body any more than absolutely necessary. I just had time to wonder why the castle wouldn't allow the same charm in Severus' room that had worked in mine, and then sleep swept in and claimed me.

~.~.{o}.~.~

"Harry, no!" I screamed, lurching up in my bed.

Realizing that it had, again, been a dream, I choked back the sobs that tried to continue and blinked hard against the tears. My head was still throbbing and my muscles ached even worse than before I'd lain down. I must have been thrashing in my sleep for a while.

Sleep would not come again tonight, I knew from experience, so I regretfully dragged myself out of my bed. My robes were wrinkled from sleeping in them, but I didn't have the energy to care. I didn't plan on seeing anyone else tonight anyway.

I bound my messy hair in a haphazard bun at my neck, habitually checked my wand in my sleeve, then left my room.

A walk about the castle did wonders to clear my head and limbered my muscles into a mild, constant ache rather than the agony of the muscle cramps to which I always woke. While I paid careful attention to where I was, I didn't realize where I was going until I saw the painting of the dancing trolls.

Deciding that perhaps a long soak in a large tub of water may be just the thing, I had just started to pace the hall when I heard the scuff of approaching footsteps. Weeks of skulking the nighttime corridors had taught me to be constantly alert for anything to indicate that I was not alone. I instantly slipped back into a dark alcove and waited apprehensively to see who would appear, praying that it wouldn't be Dumbledore. He was the one man in the school that I was certain would be able to find me regardless of what I did.

I could hear the footsteps, but I didn't see anyone as I peered out of the shadows. Then I saw a door appear in the wall. It was at that moment that I remembered Harry's invisibility cloak. James would have it in this time.

The door was opened by an invisible hand and I made a hasty decision. I knew that the odds of accessing that room once the door was closed were extremely slim, so I rushed out of concealment and caught the door silently just before it latched. I opened it slowly and slipped inside, looking at the floor where the cloaked person would be most likely to let himself be exposed.

I drew my wand warily, not sure how James would react to finding me there.

The quiet swish of the cloak was almost painfully familiar, but the person that appeared was not the one I was expecting.

I considered simply sneaking back out before he turned around and noticed me. He'd obviously realize that someone had been there when the door opened again, but I was pretty sure I could disappear along the secret passages before he discovered that it was me. Maybe it was the fact that the room I'd entered looked exactly like the Gryffindor common room except for the bed against the far wall – it was making me feel at once comfortable and homesick. Maybe it was the fact that I'd watched this man die. Whatever the reason, I didn't leave.

"Hello, Sirius," I said quietly, my wand held ready, just in case, but not exactly pointing at him.

He spun on the spot, his wand drawn and pointing at me. He had good reflexes even at this age.

"How did you get in here?" he snapped.

"The same way that you did," I gestured toward the door with my free hand. "I saw you come in," I admitted.

He cursed harshly under his breath, then eyed my wand. "Are you going to hex me?" he asked defiantly.

"I wasn't planning on it," I admitted. I watched his eyes for a moment. He looked as wrung out as I felt. It made me wonder if he was having nightmares too. After a moment, I put my wand away and walked over to the sofa in front of the fire. I couldn't help but smile a little as I sunk into it. It even felt like the sofa in the Gryffindor common room.

For a moment, there was silence behind me, then I heard a huff. "Well, make yourself at home," he grumbled, walking around the other side of the sofa to stare at me.

I ignored him, gazing into the crackling fire. Despite the fact that I never slept after a nightmare, I was suddenly feeling quite drowsy. I wasn't sure if it was something to do with the room he'd created or if it was just being in this copy of my old common room, but I wanted nothing more than to lie down and go to sleep.

"You're staying?" he asked sharply.

In answer, I stretched out across the sofa and ignored the painful tingles as I conjured a blanket and pillow.

"You'd sleep in the same room as me?" he asked doubtfully.

I nodded, "I'm too tired to argue with you tonight, Sirius. Of course, if you try anything I'll hex you so profusely that Narcissa really _will_ be the pretty one."

He stared at me a moment longer, then sighed, "Fine. I'm too tired to 'try anything' anyway."

I smiled a little as I heard him move over to the bed and crawl into it.

"Of course, this bed _is_ big enough for two," he offered a moment later. "We could just cuddle."

"Shut up, Sirius," I said flatly.

I heard him chuckle before I drifted away.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I woke to a voice I vaguely recognized and opened my eyes to see Sirius standing over me, grinning that stupid grin.

"You're simply gorgeous when you sleep, love," he said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

I groaned as I sat up. "You're even more annoying in the morning, Sirius."

He laughed and started to sit down next to me.

I whipped out my wand and pointed it at him and he stood again, moving to a nearby armchair instead.

"You're not a morning person, are you?" he asked.

"Not after a night like that," I growled menacingly despite the fact that I was feeling better than I had in a long time. My muscles didn't hurt for once and my headache was almost alarmingly absent.

His face softened a little. "This room's spelled to prevent nightmares."

That explained it. He'd asked for a room free of nightmares. That was actually a good idea. I was a bit disappointed in myself for not thinking of it. If he wasn't such a git, I'd have thanked him.

I stood up and lifted my wand. I smirked at Sirius when he looked worried. I cast a quick tempus and discovered that it was after ten. Luckily, it was Saturday, so I hadn't missed any classes.

"I was going to go into Hogsmeade for lunch at the Three Broomsticks. Wanna join me?" he asked, his mood evidently recovered.

"Not remotely," I frowned and started toward the door. Another thought occurred to me and I paused to look at him again. "And Sirius? This never happened."

He smiled innocently.

"If I hear a mere suggestion of this from anyone else, I promise that that libido of yours won't trouble you for at least a month."

He paled a little and I figured that I'd made myself clear.

I disillusioned myself and slipped out of the room.

Despite waking up to Sirius, my mood was soaring as I slipped into a secret passage and removed the disillusionment. I hadn't wanted to take a chance of anyone seeing me leave that room and maybe figuring out that I'd spent the night in there with Sirius. Considering his reputation with women, I had no doubt what rumors would spread from that, particularly considering the scandal raised by our house affiliations.

At this time of day on a Saturday, if Severus wasn't with me, I imagined that I would find him in the library, so I headed in that direction. Blessedly, I became aware of my appearance before I made it that far. My robes were wrinkled and my hair was a complete mess. I ducked into a bathroom and stood in front of one of the mirrors, casting the now familiar charms that had become my morning ritual. Hair, makeup, teeth, and then I cleaned my robes and pressed out the wrinkles with a couple more spells and considered my reflection. Satisfied, I resumed my trek to the library. A faint throbbing at the base of my skull had started up from the handful of spells, but it was so slight compared to the ones I endured later in the day that I didn't pay it any mind.

It took me a few minutes of searching the library before I found Severus, sitting on the floor between the stacks with a few books spread out around him. His brow was furrowed in concentration as his eyes flew rapidly across the page. I smiled as the sight of him elevated my mood a bit further. I dropped myself down in front of him and he jumped, black eyes shooting up to meet mine.

"Good morning," I smiled cheerfully.

He looked at me a little strangely. "Sleep well?" he asked hesitantly.

I couldn't help but sigh contentedly, "Very well."

He nodded slowly, glancing back down at his book.

"I was going to go into Hogsmeade today," I confessed. "I need to stop by the book shop."

He nodded again without looking up.

I frowned at him uncertainly. "I was wondering if you wanted to come along, but if you're busy I can…"

His head snapped back up and he looked confused, "You want me to come with you?"

"If you're not busy," I shrugged.

"Why?" he pressed.

I laughed, exasperated. "Honestly, Severus, has it not occurred to you that I may simply desire your company?"

He looked suspicious.

I sighed and conceded, "Very well, you've caught me. I am desperately in need of your advice regarding a book I wish to buy."

He relaxed a little. "Oh. All right then. I suppose I can tear myself away."

I smiled and helped him gather up the books and return those he wasn't going to check out.

After he'd secured the books he wanted, we walked back down to the common room together. And we nearly ran into Lucius who was on his way out. I tried to step around him but he intercepted me.

I sighed. "Ah, Lucius, just when I was getting used to you avoiding me." He really did seem to have been avoiding me since that first day in Defense. Despite a lot of staring, he'd not said one word to me.

"Well, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder," he crooned, clearly intent on picking up right where he'd left off.

"Really?" I asked, feigning surprise. "Well, I'm sure 'they' weren't thinking of you when they said it."

He grinned that slimy grin. "You know I admire the sharp edge of that tongue." His voice was probably meant to be seductive.

"Just be sure to do it from a distance," I frowned, pushing passed him firmly.

"As you wish, darling," he said from behind me. "I'll be around when you crave the attention of a real man."

Smiling sweetly, I stepped closer to Severus, who was lingering next to me, waiting out my verbal duel with Lucius. I slipped my arm around his waist and tucked myself in next to him without taking my eyes off Lucius. "Oh, I _have_ the attention of a real man," I assured him, my voice sweet enough to give me cavities.

The utter incredulity that slithered across Lucius' face before the wall slid shut on him was absolutely priceless.

As soon as I was sure that we were safe from him, I let go of Severus and doubled over, wheezing with laughter. "Oh, that was perfect!" I crowed. "Thank you for playing along, Severus," I moaned through my giggles, propping my rear against the back of a sofa while I struggled to collect myself. "Did you see the look on his face?"

I glanced up to see Severus smiling at me with a look in his eyes that questioned my sanity.

"Oh, come off it! You can't tell me that wasn't worth it," I insisted.

He nodded reluctantly. "It was pretty funny," he allowed, "even though he'll probably hex me the first chance he gets."

I shrugged it off, "Unlikely. If he did that, he'd have to admit that he actually sees you as competition – that his glaring powers of seduction may not be enough on their own."

He considered that a moment, then nodded his concession. "Now, if you're done tittering, shall we collect our things?"

"Right," I nodded stoutly and pushed myself off the sofa, still smirking. He headed toward his room while I made my way to mine. I collected my cloak. Everything else was already tucked into the little purse that I always kept on my waist. I'd been trained to always be ready to leave on a moment's notice and it had come in quite useful a few times – even if just for convenience. After going to sleep in my dorm at Hogwarts and waking up in 1977, I now slept with it as well.

I fastened my cloak and then summoned my little coin bag from my purse and dumped the contents into my hand. I frowned at the meager sum. It wouldn't be enough to pay for the book.

Severus was waiting for me in the common room when I returned.

"I need to go home and get some money," I admitted.

He frowned uncertainly, "Oh. Should I meet you in Hogsmeade then?"

I was about to agree, but then I had another idea. "You could come with me if you like," I suggested. "I'm pretty hungry anyway, and it would be nice to eat somewhere other than the Three Broomsticks."

He considered that with his trademark suspicion.

"It might be fun," I reasoned with a perfectly straight face.

His eyes narrowed and he nodded hesitantly. "All right."

"Good," I smirked and led him out of the common room.

"Who do you live with?" he asked, sounding a bit nervous as we left the school and started toward the gates.

My stomach clenched with a pang of regret. "I live alone, Severus," I admitted.

"Right," he said quietly.

We didn't speak anymore until we'd stepped outside the wards. "Have you done side-along apparation before?" he asked warily when I took his hand in mine.

I smirked, "Trust me, you're in no danger of being splinched."

He still looked a bit concerned.

I rolled my eyes and drew my wand. "Ready?"

He nodded warily.

I took a moment to gather my concentration. I wasn't worried about splinching us, but I was aware that this spell was fairly difficult and therefore it was going to be painful to cast. I prepared myself to conceal the discomfort and spun us.

The pain shot from my eyes, over the top of my skull, and straight into my spine, sending tingles like tiny stabbing needles rapidly through my torso and down my arms and legs. I may have tightened my hand slightly around his, but I otherwise restrained my reaction as I opened my eyes and looked around the oddly comforting sitting room in which I had spent so many hours reading and practicing over the summer.

I let go of his hand and started toward my bedroom, which had once been half of the first level dining room of the restaurant, so it was rather large. Well, I had more than enough space to fill my needs.

"This is your house?" he asked warily.

I nodded.

"It's really nice," I heard Severus comment from my bedroom doorway.

"Thanks," I smiled, tapping my wand on my bedroom wall, causing hidden steel door to appear. I pressed my hand against it, and let my magic flare from my hand, unformed. The magical lock recognized my particular magical signature, and clicked open to reveal the few notable possessions that I had not taken with me to Hogwarts. I pushed aside the muggle documents that I had forged, my name tags from my summer jobs, and a couple muggle pictures that my friend Louise had taken of us at work one day. I retrieved the bank card that I was looking for and tucked it into my pocket.

I closed the door again and the lock automatically reasserted itself. I concealed it once more, then turned to find Severus watching me curiously. "You didn't see that," I told him sternly.

A small smile curled his lips and he shrugged, "See what?"

I nodded, satisfied, and led the way toward the front door. I stopped before leaving the entry hall and turned toward him.

"Where are we going now?" he wondered.

"I need to use a cash machine," I admitted.

He frowned uncertainly.

"Right," I nodded. He probably had no idea what that was. "I still have to get the money. I'll explain when we get there."

"Where is 'there'?" he pressed.

"Muggle London," I admitted, gesturing toward the front door beyond which the muggle world awaited.

"Oh," he frowned, looking down at his robes.

I twirled my wand thoughtfully, then pointed it at him, "May I?" I inquired.

"As long as you can put everything back," he said warily.

I grinned and braced myself as I cast the spell, transfiguring his robes into muggle clothes.

He looked down at himself curiously, then finally back up at me. "At the last second there, I thought you'd put me in something… colorful."

I laughed, "I wouldn't dare," I assured him, though if not for my poor aching head, I may have put him in pink, just to see his reaction. I stepped back a bit to admire the job myself. It actually did look quite nice on him. A black button down shirt with black trousers, shoes, and a semi-formal fall jacket. As an afterthought, I flicked my wand again and his hair drew back and tied at his neck with a simple black cord.

His eyes widened as he reached back to feel what I'd done.

"You should wear your hair back more often," I noted critically. "It looks nice that way." I didn't really expect an answer, so I turned my attention to my own attire. Since I had been wearing muggle clothes almost all summer, I didn't have to think about mine. In a moment, with a suppressed grimace, I was wearing a snug pair of blue jeans, trainers, and a dark gray jumper, all suitably 1977 in style.

I looked up find Severus staring at me in surprise. Deciding that it might be better for my ego if I didn't try to decipher his expression, I tucked my wand back into my sleeve and turned toward the door, gesturing for him to join me. "Come on."

"Whoa," I heard as we stepped outside and I turned around to see him staring at the building we'd just left. The doors that had been solid mahogany from the inside were boarded over from this side, along with several of the windows. Faded graffiti spanned much of the walls from before my wards had started to keep people away. It definitely looked like an abandoned building.

He finally turned his surprised, questioning gaze on me and I shrugged uncomfortably.

"My house was destroyed when my parents died," I offered. "I didn't have anything but my wand and the clothes I was wearing."

His eyes widened. "Then, how…? You're always talking about buying books…"

"I worked two jobs all summer," I admitted. "Most everything in there," I gestured toward my house, "I transfigured or charmed."

He was pensive for a moment, then shook his head slowly, "No wonder you're so good in Transfiguration."

I chuckled quietly, but I was done with this conversation. "Come on," I urged. "I'm starving. Do you mind if we have a bit of an early lunch?"

"Not at all," he assured me, slowing to match my stride once he'd caught up with me on the sidewalk.

The cash machine that I usually used was about four blocks from my house. When we arrived there, Severus stared at it mistrustfully.

I smirked and motioned for him to watch over my shoulder while I went about getting my money.

He shook his head in disbelief. "I bet an _alohamora_ could open that right up."

I laughed, "I bet you're right, but just because we can take something, doesn't mean we should."

He looked at me like I'd just started speaking some unknowable language. I laughed as I tucked my money into my pocket and continued down the street.

"Where are we going now?" he wondered as he caught me up.

"The best diner in London," I boasted. "You'll see."

We drifted into discussion of our classes as we walked. It took me less than ten minutes when I used to jog it, but it took a bit longer to walk. I found that I didn't mind though. The conversation was pleasant and the day was quite a bit warmer here than it had been at Hogwarts.

When we finally arrived, I led him inside and my eyes trailed around the familiar dining room with a wistfulness that surprised me. I hadn't been all that fond of this job, but the company had been pleasant and the distraction of the busy diner had seemed my salvation some days.

"Hermione Wilkins?" an overly loud voice cried from across the diner.

I turned just in time to catch Louise's hug and did my best not to grimace when she tried to strangle me. At last, she pulled back, holding me at arm's length to study me. "You look fantastic, girl!" she declared after thorough perusal. "But I thought you were away at school?"

"Just back for the weekend," I smiled.

Her big blue eyes slid over to Severus and widened before turning back to me accusingly, "'Mione, you didn't tell me that you had a boyfriend!"

I laughed out loud at her misconception, "Severus is just a friend, Louise." I turned back to Severus and gestured him closer. "Severus, this is Louise. Louise, Severus."

"Pleased to meet you," he said stiffly clasping her small hand in his larger one.

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine, Severus," Louise practically purred, stepping in much closer to him than was really necessary as she led him toward the back corner booth that I favored. "So, if Mione isn't your girlfriend, I imagine it's because you're already taken," she reasoned as she lingered too close to him when we reached the booth.

"No," he said gruffly, gently removing her hand from his arm so that he could sit down. His eyes sought mine with a hint of panic in them and I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"Really?" Louise asked with intense interest. "Hm." She finally tore her eyes away from him to wink at me. "Well, what can I get you to drink?"

"I'll have tea," I said, my voice quivering with my restrained need to laugh.

"For me as well," Severus agreed, staring at the table rather hard.

"I'll be _right _back," Louise promised, then sauntered away, swinging her hips.

I finally gave in to a fit of muffled giggles.

Severus glared daggers at me, "What is so humorous, woman?"

"The look on your face," I admitted, trying to calm down. "You know that it's unlikely she'll literally attack you?"

He sat back rigidly and stared me down with a glare that I had endured many times as his student. Somehow, it did not have the same effect coming from "Severus" as it had had from "Professor Snape".

"I am aware of that," he snapped. "However, I am unaccustomed to such blatant… mockery from perfect strangers."

I sobered in pure surprise. "She's not mocking you, Severus," I assured him.

He frowned doubtfully.

"Trust me," I implored. "That was her flirting. She's not especially subtle."

His brow drew down a little further as he seemed to consider that.

"Honestly, if I thought a muggle would interest you, I'd tell you to go for it," I admitted. "She's very nice once you get to know her."

"Yes, well, she _is _a muggle," he said uncomfortably. "I will _not _make the same mistake my mother made."

I frowned, trying to recall anything I'd heard about his family situation. I knew that his mother had been a pureblood. Based on a conversation I'd overheard from Lupin once, I didn't think that he hadn't had a happy family life, but I wasn't sure exactly what the dynamic was.

He looked at me and his eyes softened. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I forgot that you're a half-blood as well."

Actually, for a moment, so had I. Good thing I hadn't mentioned anything about my muggle parents. I really had to be more careful.

Severus relaxed some after being assured that Louise wasn't mocking him. He resisted her advances somewhat uncomfortably, but she finally managed to draw a few small smiles out of him.

Oddly, I found that I didn't like the smiles he gave her. It was completely ludicrous, of course. I could never think of Severus Snape that way, but I suppose I'd gotten used to being the only one who made him smile like that. I dismissed my foolish thoughts irritably. I knew that he wouldn't actually respond to the advances of a muggle, but I should prepare myself for the fact that he may eventually get a girlfriend. It pained me to think of how that would cut into the time I got to spend with my best and only friend, but I wouldn't be much of a friend if I couldn't be happy for him.

I paid for the meal when we had finished, since Severus didn't have any muggle money, and gave Louise a hug to go with her fifty percent tip. She surprised me by brazenly securing a hug from Severus as well before we could escape. He looked close to panic when she wrapped her arms around him, but stiffly touched his hands to her back briefly before drawing himself away and wishing her a good day.

I managed to hold in my laugh until we were back on the street.

We walked a few blocks before finding a shaded alley in which we could apparate. I transfigured our clothes back into robes and took us to Diagon Alley, thanking God that I'd only have to do that one more time today. I usually tried to take it easy on my magic over the weekend, and I knew that I probably should have come alone since that would have been so much easier. I couldn't regret bringing Severus though. His company was well worth the rapidly growing headache.

He accompanied me into Gringotts to change my pounds into Galleons, and then we were finally ready to go to the bookstore back in Hogsmeade. We had just stepped out of the bank when Severus abruptly stopped walking. I looked at him curiously to see a peculiar look on his face.

I turned and followed his gaze and my breath hitched as my heart instantly began racing, pumping adrenaline through my body and temporarily relieving my headache and sore limbs. Shining in the sky not far down the alley was the hideous green skull and snake. The dark mark burning in the midday sky over Diagon Alley.

I latched my hand onto Severus' with an iron grip and yanked him along behind me as I sprinted to a shadowy recess at a storefront bordering the street.

"You know what that is?" I whispered, peeking out into the street where most people were staring dumbly up at the sky.

"I've seen pictures in the Prophet," he whispered in reply.

Several loud cracks abruptly rang out across the street and my heart all but stopped as masked Death Eaters prowled the street, and then my eyes settled on a handsome man in flowing black robes who strolled among them with ease, his face set in a cruel smile.

I swallowed a whimper of pure terror and spun on Severus. I wrapped my arms around him in a bear hug and disapparated us both.

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**All right. Longest chapter yet. Do hope you enjoyed, and please don't forget to review. They're more addictive than chocolate!**


	8. Happy Birthday, Hermione

**Author's Note: **Okay, so I meant to have this one out yesterday, but my daughter has come down with a cold. I had virtually no time to write yesterday. So, I'm posting Hermione's POV now. I'm not done with Severus' side yet, but it will definitely be up at some point today. Hopefully within the next couple hours.

* * *

**Chapter VIII – Happy Birthday, Hermione**

The pain lanced through me acutely in response to my hasty apparation and I cried out reflexively as my knees buckled.

Strong arms caught around my back and held me when I would have fallen. "Are you okay?" his voice was alarmed. "Did you get splinched?"

"No," I groaned, forcing my knees to function properly. My heart was still racing as fast as it ever had. Still feeling unsafe, I grabbed Severus' hand again and tugged him along with me back toward the castle that I'd brought us back to. It was the only place in the whole world that I felt at least marginally protected from Voldemort.

"Hermione, what happened?" he demanded, though at least he was following.

"Did you see him?" I demanded.

He shook his head uncertainly. "The Death Eaters?"

"Voldemort!" I snapped and he flinched away from the name.

"How do you know he was there?" he asked quietly.

"I saw him," I said with an involuntary shudder.

"How do you know what he looks like?" he pressed.

I shook my head, "I know the embodiment of evil when I see it, Severus."

He didn't say anything more as I led him into the school until we were climbing the staircase to the seventh floor. "Where are we going?" he asked, finally seeming to snap out of whatever thoughts had distracted him.

"Headmaster's office," I replied.

"Why?"

"Because I think he may want to know what we've just seen." I stopped in front of the gargoyle, hoping that he hadn't changed his password. "Chocolate frogs."

The gargoyle leapt aside and I led Severus up.

"How do you know the password?" he asked.

"I came up here before start of term," I replied, for once able to answer with complete honesty. "When I registered for classes, you know?"

"Right," he nodded.

I knocked heavily on the door.

"Come in," the headmaster's voice called.

I finally released Severus' hand as I entered and immediately dropped myself into a chair in front of his desk.

Dumbledore's brow rose curiously. "What has happened, child?"

"We've just come from Gringotts," I started.

Severus lowered himself slowly into a chair at my side, looking very uncertain.

"While we were there, the dark mark appeared in the sky over Diagon Alley," I continued, my hands beginning to shake.

"Oh dear," Dumbledore muttered, sitting back in his chair and steepling his fingers in his lap.

"I got us off the street just before masked Death Eaters apparated all around." I clasped my hands together hard and rode out the shudders trembling through my body. I knew that it was just the adrenaline and that it would pass, but it wasn't comfortable. "Voldemort was with them," I finished, noticing from the corner of my eye that Severus twitched slightly as I said the name again.

"You're certain?" the headmaster inquired with a fleeting glance toward Severus.

"Yes, sir," I nodded. "I've no doubt."

He nodded pensively. "I see. Then what happened?"

"As soon as I recognized him, I apparated us both back here, sir."

"Good," he nodded. "That was the right thing to do."

I nodded my agreement to the painfully obvious statement, which brought a slight twinkle to his eyes.

"Thank you for bringing this to me, Miss Wilkins," he concluded. "I think that, in the future, it may be best if you both stayed close to Hogwarts-"

"I absolutely refuse to hide out here like some criminal while that _monster_ walks the streets without impunity!" I snapped, surging out of my seat.

Dumbledore's brow rose again and Severus was looking at me as if I was insane.

I suddenly felt a bit foolish for my outburst. I knew that he was only thinking of my safety, but I refused to recant. "If there is nothing else, sir," I said more quietly.

"Perhaps you should go to the hospital wing and have Madam Wynsor take a look at you," he suggested mildly.

"Thank you, sir, but I'm perfectly fine. I just need a bit of rest," I declined.

"As you wish," he allowed. "You may both go."

I nodded and hurried back down the stairs. I didn't stop until I reached Barney the Barmy and I immediately began to pace. Severus was just catching up to me as the door appeared.

"What is that?" he asked as I approached the door.

"Come on," I suggested as I stepped inside.

"Bloody hell," Severus breathed. "How did I never know that this was here? How did _you _know that it was?"

"I kind of found it by accident," I hedged. "The room can become anything that you need." Currently it was my training room.

I was still trembling and increasingly agitated, and I didn't waste any more time before pacing into the center of the room. "You may wish to stand back or draw your wand," I advised before calling, "Ready!"

The spells began flying and I proceeded to pulverize half a dozen dummies in a relatively short amount of time, the pain of the casting was irrelevant at the moment. If I stopped moving, stopped acting, I was going to fall apart. Severus was shielding himself when necessary but not otherwise participating.

"Stop!" Severus cried at last and the spells ceased.

I spun on him in frustration, but then his arms were around me, holding me to his chest. I fought against his hold for a few minutes, but he was surprisingly strong despite a relatively slim frame. Finally, my will to fight just died and I dissolved into a fit of tears, fear, anger, and desperation warring for dominance inside me. I clung to him and he supported me when I otherwise would have collapsed.

I didn't realize that a sofa had appeared in the middle of the room until he sat down on it, drawing me with him. I curled up against his chest and cried away my fears and frustrations while his hand stroked my hair softly.

I felt horrid for the fact that I'd nearly forgotten about the war over the last few weeks. I'd been consumed with my new friendship with Severus, my new classes, and my personal issues with my magic. I'd allowed myself to ignore the fact that Voldemort was still out there, killing where it suited him and recruiting followers. I'd been terribly selfish and childish to let myself be so distracted. I'd honestly thought more of myself.

After a long time, my tears began to wane and my sobs quieted as I breathed in Severus' scent and allowed his touch to comfort me.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked, his voice soft as it rumbled beneath my ear.

"Yes," I said quietly, feeling the need to explain my sudden break-down. "It's just… These last two weeks have felt so… normal. It was almost like I might be able to be happy again. What happened today just proved how foolish it was to think that."

"Hermione, you _are_ allowed to be happy," he protested. "We're safe here…"

"For how much longer?" I argued but I didn't pull out of his arms. Despite everything that had happened, I was more comfortable in his arms than I'd been in a long time. "We can't stay here forever, Severus. We are at war whether the Ministry wants to admit it or not. Even Hogwarts cannot be a safe haven forever. We're going to have to fight. We need to be using this time to prepare."

His arms tightened around me a little and I closed my eyes to relish the moment even while my emotions roiled within me. "You can't take the weight of the world on your shoulders," he said quietly. "It's not fair. Even if it does come to war, there are a lot of people who will fight. It's not our job."

"I wish I could believe that," I sighed softly, fervently wishing for that very thing even though I knew it was futile. "Sometimes you don't get to decide whether it's your war. Sometimes all you can do is choose a side."

Severus gently pushed me away from him far enough that he could study my face, his dark eyes filled with concern. He gently brushed some of the tears from my cheek with his thumb.

I closed my eyes as I felt a sudden surge of compassion for this man. I opened my eyes again and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to his cheek. I lingered there for a moment, basking in his intoxicating scent. Lavender and ginger, and the musk of a steaming caldron all mixed together with a scent that was his alone.

I tensed when I realized that I was no longer feeling simple compassion for my friend, but something that very much resembled desire. I was used to having male friends, and I'd never seen Severus as anything else – it was difficult to do so with the memory of my surly potions professor firmly lodged in the back of my mind. But what I was feeling now was definitely not just friendship.

The idea that I might actually be attracted to Severus was jarring, to say the least. I drew away from him quickly, suddenly unable to meet his eyes, and curled my trembling hands into fists. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I just… I think maybe I'm just going to go rest," I finished quickly and almost leapt off the sofa, pacing quickly to the door and hurrying down toward the dungeons.

I disillusioned myself on the way despite the pain. I was absolutely unable to deal with running into Lucius or Sirius right now. Though I'd only used going to rest as an excuse to get away from Severus, when I reached my room that was exactly what I wanted to do.

I stripped out of my clothes wearily and tucked myself into my bed. Sleep claimed me almost instantly.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I woke to the tinkling bells of my alarm and realized two things. First, I'd slept half a day and the entire night. Second, that I'd slept without nightmares. The second surprised me the most by far, particularly after seeing Voldemort in the flesh yesterday. I was too grateful to question it too much.

As I went through my morning ritual, however, my thoughts drifted back to Severus. I was embarrassed by the way I'd fallen to pieces, no matter how good it had felt in his arms. And I was really confused about my feelings for him. It all seemed almost ridiculous now when I wasn't surrounded by his scent with my tears still drying on his chest.

By the time I'd made myself presentable, I knew that I couldn't face him this morning. Not until I'd sorted out my feelings for him. So I waited in my rooms until I was fairly certain that he'd have gone to breakfast, then disillusioned myself and snuck off to the kitchens to have breakfast there. The ever-accommodating house elves were happy to feed me.

After eating, I snuck back up to the library. I was desperately in need of a distraction and I had the perfect one. Seeing what I'd seen yesterday was a very pointed reminder of just how vulnerable I really was. I really needed to figure out what was happening with my magic and get it sorted. The next time that I ended up in a real duel, I didn't want to be distracted by shooting pains.

I managed to lose myself in that search until after lunch when Severus came looking for me. A flash of black across the library alerted me to his presence and I quickly disillusioned myself until he'd completed his search of the library and moved on. Perhaps it was juvenile to be avoiding him, I considered, but I really couldn't face him yet.

Finally relenting that I needed to think through my situation with him, I gave up my distraction for a while and let myself think. I examined my feelings carefully, but in the end I could only conclude that it had been a result of the circumstances. I'd been terribly emotional and he'd been there to lean on. I was sure that I didn't actually want him in _that_ way. Not really. I mean, I'd felt something similar for Ron from time to time, but when things had settled down, I'd always realized that it wasn't anything real.

That understanding took a huge weight off my shoulders, but I still stubbornly avoided the man for the rest of the day.

Nightmares invaded my rest again that night and I dragged my weary body up to the Room of Requirement sometime after two in the morning. Blessedly, Sirius wasn't there. I conjured up the room just as he had, adding bedding for the sofa. Knowing that I wouldn't want to be locked out of this room after waking from a nightmare, I created the room so that no one except Sirius could get in.

"Happy birthday, Hermione," I muttered grimly to myself before drifting off on the comfy sofa.

When I woke again, I felt as rejuvenated as I had the last time I'd slept in this room and I said a quiet thank you to the castle even though my mood remained grim. It was my eighteenth birthday. I was supposed to spend this day with Harry, Ron, my parents, maybe even the Weasleys. I was not supposed to be here, celebrating my eighteenth birthday two years before I was born.

I grimly cast my normal morning charms, glad that Sirius hadn't joined me in the night. I wasn't sure that I could deal with his flirting this morning. Finally, I made my way down to breakfast, too depressed to care about what had happened with Severus on Saturday afternoon.

I slouched onto the bench next to Severus and stared blankly at my plate for a couple minutes before I started collecting food. I could feel his eyes on me, but he didn't say anything, for which I was grateful. I just wanted to mope, but knowing that he was next to me – my only friend – actually did help me to feel a little bit better.

When the post arrived, I almost screamed when an unexpected package fell in the middle of my plate. I stared at it for a long moment, trying to make sense of it. Though I didn't think that anything truly nasty could make it through the Hogwarts wards, I still cast a couple discreet curse-detecting spells before I touched it. Severus would be the only one close enough to have noticed, and he didn't say anything.

When I finally picked the package up, I recognized the broad, flourished hand immediately, and glanced toward the head table. Dumbledore lifted his tea cup toward me as if in toast. Frowning curiously, I opened the letter.

_Miss Wilkins,_

_I wanted to give you something that may be of small comfort to you. I hope this gift suffices. And a very happy birthday to you, my dear._

_Albus Dumbledore_

I read through it twice, blinking back stupid tears at the fact that Dumbledore would think of me on my birthday. He was the only one in this time that even knew it. I opened the small box slowly, as if to savor it, and gasped softly when I discovered an antique pocket watch. It was absolutely gorgeous, black with a phoenix impressed into the center of the cover and ancient runes artfully wound around it. It took me a moment to decipher, and when I did, I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

_Heart of the Lion, Cunning of the Snake, Soul of the Phoenix_

There was a piece of parchment folded at the bottom of the box, so I opened that to find more of Dumbledore's handwriting.

_The hand of destiny can be cruel, but never wrong. None of us are here by chance. None without purpose. Those whose challenges rise most insurmountable often have the greatest destinies of all. Do not lose faith, my dear. I truly believe that you are exactly where you are meant to be._

_Under the circumstances, I thought a gift of time may be the most appropriate. Within you shall find those held dearest in your heart, and the future drawing ever nearer._

I set the parchment down and carefully opened the pocket watch. The face was beautiful, mother of pearl contrasting the dark setting, roman numerals inlaid into it, and a dial for the phases of the moon. Movement drew my eyes to the inside of the cover and I nearly dropped the watch when I saw my parents smiling back at me. More tears overflowed my eyes as the picture changed to Harry and Ron waving and smiling.

I lifted my watery eyes back to the head table and found Dumbledore watching me. I mouthed the words _Thank You_, and he nodded kindly before turning back to his breakfast.

"What's that?" Severus voice startled me, though it was soft and wary, as though he wasn't certain he had any right in asking.

"A gift," I smiled quietly.

"From the headmaster?" he wondered.

I nodded.

"Why?" he asked uncertainly.

"It's my birthday," I admitted, sniffling quietly as I briskly wiped tears from my face. I tucked the watch reverently into my pocket and pinned the chain to my robe before cleaning up the notes and box.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked quietly.

I glanced at him and realized that he actually looked hurt that I'd not told him. "I'm sorry, Severus," I said sincerely. "I… I was just really depressed about it. I…"

"I understand," he relented, placing a warm hand tentatively over mine.

I was glad that he hadn't made me go into an explanation. I didn't want to start crying again. "I'll see you in Potions," I offered before leaving the table and heading back down to the dungeons.

I spent the next hour curled up on my bed staring at the cycling pictures of my parents and my best friends, crying silently while I did so, and reading Dumbledore's cryptic message again. Though it was actually fairly meaningless philosophy, it somehow managed to make me feel better. It was comforting to think that I was here for a reason and not just the victim of some cruel and random chance. If I had a purpose, then maybe some good would come of all I'd been enduring and all that I had yet to endure.

When it was time to head to Potions, I used a glamor to conceal the red puffiness around my eyes, tucked the watch back into my pocket, and left my room. Next to my wand, that watch was now my most prized possession.

The inscription on the front made me smile again. Heart of the Lion, Cunning of the Snake, Soul of the Phoenix. I didn't doubt that he'd chosen those words specifically for me. He'd been there when I'd argued with the sorting hat about wanting to be in Gryffindor and he'd complimented me on my Slytherinesque cover story. I wasn't entirely sure what he meant by that last part. Maybe that my soul had risen again from the ashes of my former life? Or something more literal about my soul traveling through time thanks to the phoenix? Hah. Like Albus Dumbledore even knew _how_ to be literal.

I decided not to worry about what he'd meant for the moment. I had a Monday to get through.

After breakfast, the day actually passed uneventfully, which pleased me intensely. I had more than enough on my mind as it was. Aside from dwelling on the friends and family that I was missing so much, I found myself often staring at the cover of my new watch. More specifically, at the phoenix engraved into the center of it.

After dinner, I told Severus obscurely that I would see him later, then hurried up to the seventh floor, taking care that no one noted where I was going. I'm not sure why, but I was feeling extra paranoid today.

The gargoyle admitted me when I gave the password and I waited impatiently for the twisting staircase to carry me up to the door.

"Come in," Dumbledore replied to my brisk knock.

I closed the door behind me, swept my eyes quickly around the room to ensure that we were alone, then faced the headmaster directly. "Sir, I want to join the Order of the Phoenix."

His bushy brow just about hit his hairline. "And here I thought you'd come to thank me for your gift," he noted thoughtfully.

I blushed slightly, "Thank you for that, sir. Truly. It is the most amazing gift I have ever been given."

He smiled, but his eyes didn't twinkle. He leaned back in his chair and motioned for me to have a seat. The way that he was staring at me made me avert my eyes for fear that he was trying to read my mind. I stared over his shoulder at Fawkes instead.

"Your request is an interesting one, Miss Wilkins," he said after a moment. "Primarily because there is no such group as the Order of the Phoenix – though I have been considering starting a group with such a name."

I nodded my understanding.

"Of course, there is no need to ask you how you knew about it. I assume then that I did go through with this idea?"

"Yes, sir," I nodded. "It is imperative that you do so."

He nodded as though he wasn't really surprised. "I see. And you would like to be the first official member? Exactly what do you understand this group to be for?"

"Opposing Voldemort, sir. By any means available."

Just one eyebrow lifted thoughtfully. "A very dangerous task. One perhaps suited to older individuals."

I knew that he was baiting me, but I couldn't help but bristle at his suggestion. "Sir, I have been trained to fight Voldemort and his followers since I was twelve years old and I have done so on several occasions. Two days ago, he appeared in Diagon Alley, and I can only imagine what followed, but I don't believe it was anything innocent. You said yourself that I was here for a reason, and I cannot imagine what other reason there could be. Now I am eighteen years old, and by _your_ Defense Professor's declaration, I am the most skilled Defense student in this school. I will fight Voldemort, sir, with or without your help, but we both know that I could be of more use as a member of the Order."

"Well said, Miss Wilkins," the bastard twinkled at me. "Then I suppose this day marks the inception of the Order of the Phoenix, and its first official members." He leaned across the desk and offered me his hand.

I shook his firmly. "Thank you, sir," I said stiffly.

"I'm sure that your knowledge alone will make you a valued member," he noted.

"Sir, I can be of more use than just my knowledge," I balked. I absolutely refused to be his crystal ball.

"Miss Wilkins, while I applaud your enthusiasm and I do not question that you are very skilled for your age, you are still a student. Involving you in anything dangerous would suggest that I had questionable morals, to say the least."

"We cannot afford that kind of sentimentality, sir," I snapped. "Voldemort will not be bound by the same constraints, I can assure you. I know for a fact that there is at least one Death Eater already in my house, and he is younger than I."

That was when I realized that his eyes were still twinkling. I sighed in annoyance.

"Your passion is admirable, Miss Wilkins," he said with wane smile, "but I dare say I can sometimes see how you were sorted into Gryffindor."

"That funny," I said flatly, "because I've never understood how you were." Albus Dumbledore could have had Salazar Slytherin himself woven into his web in an hour's conversation, I was quite certain.

He smiled warmly despite my acerbic comment. "There she is," he said proudly. "In truth, I will need Gryffindors in the Order. They are incomparable on the front line. Hufflepuffs can be trusted with the gravest of confidences, and Ravenclaws can are excellent at gathering intelligence. Slytherins, however, are invaluable behind enemy lines and in plotting the most twisted of schemes."

_Case and point, sir_, I thought grimly.

"Ambition drives them, cunning protects them, and resourcefulness sees them right where they are most needed," he went on. "Rest assured, Miss Wilkins, you will be valued for more than your knowledge, though there is much to do before we enter the war in truth. I will contact you if I need anything."

Hearing the dismissal, I rose. "Understood, sir," I nodded, making a mental note to not let myself ever take his words at face value again.

I replayed everything that had been said in that office on my way back down to my common room, searching for hidden meanings in everything he'd said and searching my own responses for anything I may have inadvertently told him. It made me feel sorry for anyone else who had to deal with the man. Surely one had to be a Slytherin to have the slightest hope of keeping up with him in a conversation. I was going to make more of an effort to live up to my house name in future encounters.

I was examining the fact that I was suddenly a little proud of my new house when I entered the common room. My hand immediately went to my wand when I noted movement in the room, but I refrained from drawing it when I realized that Severus was the only one in the common room. I made an effort to conceal my stress as I smiled at him and was about to greet him when I noticed that he seemed a bit nervous. "Is everything okay?" I asked curiously.

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes. I, ah… I got you a gift," he admitted awkwardly, producing a book shaped package from his robe.

My smile returned as I crossed the room to accept the package.

"It's not much," he said quickly before I could open it. "Since you didn't tell me sooner, I didn't really have time to shop, but I thought you might like it."

I nodded uncertainly and untied the silver rope then unwrapped the emerald green paper to reveal a book that looked… quite old. The once-black cover was worn and scuffed with age, but the silver script inlaid across the front was still readable. It was in ancient runes.

"The Lost Arts," I translated, intrigued. I looked at Severus questioningly.

He looked like he was trying to decipher my expression. "I remembered that you appreciated books written in ancient runes over the translations," he admitted, "and I almost know this book by heart by now, so…"

"Where did you get this?" I breathed, opening it reverently and paging through slowly and carefully. It really did seem ancient rather than merely old.

"It was my mother's," he admitted. "A family heirloom, of sorts. One that she managed to pilfer when she was disowned by her family for marrying my father."

"An heirloom? Severus, I'm not sure that I can accept this-"

"Please," he interrupted quickly. "My mum doesn't care about it anymore, and I've never even met most of her family. I want you to have it."

I closed it carefully and felt tears sting my eyes yet again – I didn't think I'd ever cried so much on my birthday before. "Severus, I can't tell you how much this means to me. It's… amazing." I stepped forward and caught him in a one-armed hug while I cradled my precious book to my chest with the other.

His arms closed around me tentatively, then a bit more firmly.

I held on until his scent started to get to me again. I stepped back a bit awkwardly, and looked at my book again so that I wouldn't have to look at him. Merlin, why did he have to smell so good? "I can't believe that you even remembered me ranting on about ancient runes on our first day of classes," I said, mostly just because I suddenly felt the need to say something.

"You reminded me of me when I start going on about potions," he admitted.

I smiled, returning my eyes to his bottomless black ones. "I like listening to you talk about potions," I admitted. "And some day when you're the greatest potions' master in Britain, I'll be able to tell people that you taught me all your tricks in school."

He blushed a little, but didn't respond.

I sighed briskly, "Well, I'm exhausted. I think I'm just going to go to bed. Really though, I can't thank you enough for this book."

"I'm just glad that you like it," he smiled.

"Well, good night," I offered before turning toward my room.

I started down the steps and my smile fell away almost immediately. I didn't know why I bothered with any of it. My life had been over from the second that I woke up in 1977. I couldn't go back. Even if I waited twenty years, Harry would be different. Ron would be different. They couldn't know me as I remembered them. My own parents couldn't know me as their daughter. Severus felt like a friend, but really who was I kidding? Severus Snape? A friend? That was never going to happen. I didn't know why he'd been putting up with me, but I was sure that it wasn't going to last. Maybe he was just setting me up for some big public joke. Or he was planning to take me to Voldemort to earn his way into the Death Eaters.

And why was I joining the Order? Was I really that eager to be Dumbledore's puppet again, dancing on his strings and trusting blindly that the old man wasn't even worse than Voldemort? I knew that he was going to use me however he saw fit. Merlin, what was the point of any of it?

Sirius falling through the veil flashed before my eyes. That nameless girl who'd been killed during the battle at Hogwarts. Dumbledore's body being placed in his tomb. My parents weeping when I vanished without a trace. Ron and Harry falling into despair as the weeks passed without my return, believing that I'd been captured by Voldemort and killed, body destroyed or left to rot in some forsaken dungeon.

Tears stung my eyes and fell in hot drops down my cheeks.

And then it hit me. Where had this despair come from? It wasn't me. I didn't do this. Heart fluttering in panic, I searched for a happy memory. I kept one buried deep and safe for just such a situation. I yanked it out and let it fill me. The memory of when I'd received my first Hogwarts letter. When I'd discovered that I was a witch.

I flicked out my wand and used it before the memory could be tainted by the despair that surrounded me.

The otter exploded out of my wand in a flash of silver and began to hop around me in circles. The despair vanished almost immediately.

I looked up and down the hall and that was when I saw Narcissa looking rather disappointed where she peeked out of her room. I met her eyes, and I knew. She'd done this. She'd made me feel those awful things, relive those terrible memories.

Happy patronus influence or not, I was furious. More furious than I had been in this time.

Her eyes widened as I slashed my wand at her, launching the spell with the full force of my magic will behind it. The instant that the spell left me, my body exploded in pain worse than anything I had ever felt before. Utter agony lanced from my eyes back over my head and down my spine. My entire body felt like it was on fire. No, burning alive probably would have been less painful.

I vaguely heard a terrible scream and some part of me recognized it as my own, but I couldn't process it. The only thing real in my entire world was agony, and I hoped that I was dying so that it would end.

It may have been a second or an hour before darkness took me away.

* * *

**First off, please don't hate me. Hermione will get her feelings properly sorted soon. I promise.**

**As I said at the opening, Severus' side will hopefully be up within the next couple of hours. While you're waiting, you could always review! ;-)**


	9. Font

**Author's Note: **I know, it's been far too long! So sorry. I've really been trying to work on this all week, but my health has not been cooperating. Gods willing, I'll have the next chapter up in a more suitable time frame. This chapter is fairly focused on Hermione, and… Well, you'll see why.

* * *

Chapter IX - Font

I woke to pain. My head was throbbing terribly and the slightest movement sent fiery sparks of pain through every muscle. I moaned slightly, but that hurt my head worse, so I stopped.

"Drink this, dear," a kindly feminine voice instructed. "It will help you to feel better."

I cracked one eye open as little as possible to see who was speaking. I recognized Madam Pomfrey. I was in the hospital ward then. I looked at the potion in her hand and managed to whisper, "What is it?"

"Headache Draught, dear," she replied in a low whisper, presumably to avoid hurting my head any worse.

A paranoid little voice in the back of my mind told me not to take a potion until I had checked to make sure that it was what it was supposed to be and contained no poison. The voice sounded a lot like Mad-Eye. Considering that I was in Hogwarts being tended by the mediwitch, I made a judgment call to ignore that voice and opened my mouth for the potion.

She readily poured the foul concoction into my mouth and I swallowed it down, wondering who could possibly think that adding a hint of peppermint actually made that taste less deplorable. I let my eyes fall fully closed again and waited while the draught took the edge off my headache. As I had discovered over the last few weeks, Headache Draught provided little relief for the headaches brought on by my use of magic, but even that little bit was vastly better than nothing. This was the worst headache I'd had yet.

When I heard soft footsteps approaching, I opened my eyes again. Blessedly, the lighting was very dim around the bed. It must not have been morning yet. The headmaster was rather difficult to mistake, even with the lack of lighting, as he sat down at my side. The mediwitch was nowhere in sight. My eyes narrowed a bit in suspicion when Dumbledore cast a silencing charm around my bed.

"You know what happened to me," I assumed.

He nodded, "I believe so. First, however, I would like to note that I have explained your condition as a rare magical depletion. As it is true enough, there should be no questions. Now, what I believe happened to you exists only in theory, but considering what Mr. Snape told me of the circumstances leading up to your losing consciousness, and what I know of your… unique situation, I would say that this confirms the validity of the theory."

I grimaced, "Sir, I know how you enjoy speaking in convoluted riddles, but might you spare me this once and just tell me in plain words what the bloody hell you are talking about?" It had started respectfully but it ended up a growl as speaking so much was accentuating the pain in my head.

He didn't seem to take offense as he smiled at me. "Of course, I apologize. Some habits become engrained. In words as plain as I can make them, the theory suggests that traveling back through time to a period in which you have never before existed causes magic to become warped around you. Until now, you have existed here, but pulled your magic from your own time. If the theory is correct, that is quite painful."

I nodded as little as possible.

"This would not be the first time you've felt pain related to using your magic."

"Since I've been here. Always," I said quietly.

He nodded. "Why did you not say anything to me?"

"I'm a bit paranoid, sir. Speaking of my weaknesses does not come naturally," I took a slow, deep breath and swallowed painfully. My throat felt raw. "It seemed unlikely that you could help me."

He looked thoughtful. "I see," he said as though he'd heard a lot more than what I'd said. "Regardless. It would seem that your magic has now shifted into this time. The magic of our world has found a place for you, as it were. Theoretically, you should no longer feel pain when using magic."

"Theoretically," I muttered. I wanted badly for that to be true, but I just couldn't bring myself to trust that months of pain and headaches could truly be over. Just like that.

He nodded. "Of course, it is most likely that your magic will have changed in some way. The font from which you have drawn your magic, consciously or unconsciously, since the day you were born has changed entirely. One can only assume that there will be some repercussion."

I started to sigh, then stopped at the burning pain in my chest. "Is Narcissa okay?" I grudgingly asked, recalling that I'd meant to hit her with a really nasty Stupefy.

"She was not harmed," he replied. "Mr. Snape, however, was in quite a state by the time he arrived here. He evidently saw what happened and carried you up here. He's spent a lot of time at your bedside since then."

I frowned even though it made my face hurt, "How long have I been here?"

"Nearly a week."

I didn't have the energy to really respond to that, though I winced internally at the classes I'd missed and the homework I would have to make up.

"I've heard that you've grown rather close to Mr. Snape," he noted innocently.

"We're friends," I said sternly.

He smiled innocently, "I wasn't making presumptions, Miss Wilkins."

I just lifted an eyebrow doubtfully, which made him chuckle.

"I think it is wonderful, actually. Mr. Snape is a brilliant young man with a very bright future, I dare say. He's always been something of an outcast here, however, and I worried for him. If nothing else, your coming here has likely made his life a bit brighter."

"We have a lot in common," I admitted, reluctant to trust his words. "Though it is still a bit odd to get used to seeing Professor Snape as a schoolmate."

"He becomes a professor? Here?" Dumbledore inquired.

Another internal wince. I _had_ to guard my tongue better! I silently coached myself to think Slytherin thoughts as I continued. "It's a bit of a long story, sir."

He just nodded, not pressing, which surprised me a bit. He must have realized that I'd raised my guard again. "How are you feeling, Miss Wilkins?"

"Not very well at all," I admitted, "but I imagine it will pass."

"That was my thought about well," he agreed. "I wonder if you feel well enough to try a small bit of magic. I would like to see how your magic responds now."

"Okay," I agreed even though I was silently screaming a denial of his sadistic request.

He retrieved my wand from the bedside table and offered it to me. "A simple Lumos should suffice."

I ignored the protest in my arm as I accepted the wand and whispered the simple spell.

Rather than the pale, gentle glow lighting the end of my wand, a blinding light exploded from it, then vanished almost immediately.

All discomfort was forgotten as I stared at my wand blankly, trying to figure out what I had done wrong.

"Ah," he frowned. "If you are feeling well enough, perhaps we could continue this away from prying eyes."

I was far too unnerved by my magic betraying me to care anything about the pain. I pulled off the blanket and stepped out of bed, needing only a moment to steady myself. "Lead the way, sir."

The walk up to the seventh floor felt like a particularly evil form of torture, but I did notice that I seemed to be feeling a bit better than I had upon waking. I could only guess that stretching out my stiff muscles was helping. We were ascending the last staircase when it hit me that despite the alarming result of that Lumos, there had been no pain directly related to it. My heart lightened a bit at that, but I was still burning to understand why the spell hadn't done what it was supposed to do.

Rather than leading me to his office as I had assumed, Dumbledore stopped at the Room of Requirement and paced in front of it until the door appeared. He gestured for me to precede him and I did so. The room that I entered was almost alarmingly similar to the room that he'd conjured for training us in the future. It was a long rectangular room decorated in Gryffindor colors. Dummies were lined up along the long side of the room, and large cushions were stacked in one corner – the kind that were used to prevent cracked skulls when practicing things like Stupefy.

"You don't seem the smallest bit surprised by this room," Dumbledore noted while I was examining the room.

I turned a frown on him. "As if you don't know everything that happens in this castle, sir."

His eyes twinkled brightly. "Quite. Good answer, by the way."

It was an effort not to sneer at him. Clearly, he was already training me. It gave me some concern for exactly what he had in mind for me. "Why isn't my magic working properly?" I asked instead of rising to his bait.

"That I cannot say," he admitted. "If you're feeling well enough after the climb up here, I was hoping you could try a few more. I may have a better idea of what is happening if I can gage the reaction."

I nodded. "Any suggestions on what spell to use?"

He gestured toward the dummies. "Perhaps a _Stupefy_?"

I turned toward the dummy, taking a deep breath to calm myself. I was so afraid of what was going to happen…

I tried it nonverbally, and absolutely _nothing_ happened. My lungs tried to seize in panic, but I forced myself to remain calm. I tried again, speaking the word and putting everything that I had into it. A burst of red light exploded out of my wand but fizzled to nothing within a couple meters. There had been no pain though. In fact…

"_Incarcerous_!" I called. Instead of the ropes lashing out to wrap up the dummy, they kind of spurted out of my wand, then fell limply to the floor right in front of me, the rope itself crumbling before evidently evaporating into nothing. But I definitely felt stronger than I had before. The pain seemed to be lessening.

"_Defodio_!" A loud cracking sound, but nothing more.

"_Impedimenta! Expelliarmus! Reducto! CONFRIGO_!" I became more irritated with each spell that failed to perform the way that it should. The last one I practically screamed. Rather than the lackluster response of the previous spells, this one went to the other extreme. The dummy and those on each side of it exploded so violently that there wouldn't be enough of them left to identify and if Dumbledore hadn't shielded us both, there would have been some very uncomfortable splinters.

The plus side was that my headache was gone and my body felt fine again. All the pain that had been caused by my magic shifting had evidently been eliminated by my drawing on my new font of magic. That, at least, seemed proof that I truly wouldn't feel pain in relation to using magic anymore. Now I just had to figure out why my magic wasn't working right.

After staring at the remains of my last spell, I turned to look at Dumbledore, hoping fervently that he had learned something – anything – from what I'd just done.

His eyes also lingered on what little remained of the dummies for a moment before looking at me. I swear I could practically see the gears whirring away behind his eyes. "You'll need to keep practicing, I'm afraid," he said pensively. "Focus on one spell for the time being. Modify the way in which you cast it however feels right and see if you can get a better result – even just marginally closer to being correct."

"Sir, do you have any idea what is wrong with my magic?" I pressed when I sensed that he was going to leave it at that.

"Alas, my child, speculation on my part would not be beneficial to you at this time. Learn what you can while I see about some research. We will discuss this further when we both know more. Until you find better control, I will excuse you from your classes – recovering from an illness should be explanation enough. As there seems nothing wrong with your mind, I am certain that you will manage the homework just fine, so I will have a house elf bring that to your room at the end of each day."

I nodded grimly. I knew that he wasn't going to be pressed to change his mind right now, and he might have even been right. I hadn't quite decided yet.

He paused after stepping out the door and turned back to me with an uncharacteristically grave expression, "Miss Wilkins, be very careful to never use magic against another student in anger. I think we saw how badly that could go."

I nodded just as gravely. A spell that should have taken a chunk out of a dummy had completely obliterated three. So a Stupefy could possibly come out strong enough to kill with a single hit. I would most definitely be keeping that in mind. Even a stinging hex might be lethal with that kind of power behind it.

I left the room with him and watched him round the corner before summoning my own practice room. I spent the entire day in there, with just a quick trip to the kitchen for lunch. I was at once supremely frustrated that spells which had been so simple for me now utterly confounded me, and absolutely thrilled at being able to cast so many spells without any pain at all. In fact, I physically felt better than I had since coming to this time.

After many hours of working with a few simple spells, I finally began to truly understand what Dumbledore had meant when he'd said that my magic had "changed". The way in which I was attempting to draw on my magic did not seem to be the proper way any longer. It was like I had to learn it all over again.

When I finally became too frustrated to concentrate, I returned to the kitchens for a small dinner, then headed for my room. Severus was in the common room when I arrived and he practically leapt from his seat when he saw me. It made me feel bad that I'd frightened him so much. And that I'd not come sooner to let him know that I was okay. I motioned for him to follow me as I headed toward my room, ignoring the looks from the other Slytherins and thankful that Narcissa wasn't there.

The wards allowed me to pass, but I couldn't get ahold of them to lower them for Severus. Grimacing, I turned back to him. "Look, my magic is a little off right now. I'm still recovering. I can't get the wards down for you."

"Oh," he frowned. "Um, we could go to my room."

I thought about it a moment, then decided that there was no way Severus would try to steal from me or harm me, so I leaned in close to him and whispered the password in his ear.

His eyes were wide when I drew away from him, but after a moment, he said it quietly and the wards allowed him through. I went to the sofa and almost collapsed into it while Severus closed the door behind him. I vaguely noted a new parchment on my bedside table. My list of homework for the last week, I assumed.

"Are you okay?" he asked uncertainly.

"Just tired and a little weak," I lied.

"And your magic?" he pressed gently, moving to sit on the opposite side of the sofa.

"Just a temporary hiatus," I assured him, fervently hoping that I was telling the truth. "It might take a few days, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I heard that you carried me to the hospital wing," I added quietly. "Thank you."

He shrugged dismissively, "What else could I have done? What happened to you?"

"What did you see?" I wondered.

He shifted uncomfortably. "Well, it was the light of your patronus that made me realize something was wrong. I got there just in time to see that it looked like you tried to _stupefy_ Narcissa, but instead there was…" he looked like he was trying to decide how to describe it. "A flash of light – golden, not silver like your patronus – it just kind of exploded out of you. It shattered every ward in the hall except your own. And then you fell down, and then… You screamed," he grimaced.

"I only remember parts of that," I admitted.

"So what happened?" he pressed gently after a moment.

"I'm not exactly sure," I hedged. "Narcissa laid a despair trap for me, and… Have you ever experienced that before?"

He shook his head.

"It's just like the dementors," I confided. "Like all the happiness in the world is gone. You start to think the worst. Of yourself. Of everyone that you know. Of every decision you've ever made. You feel worthless. You just want to die. And then you vividly recall every one of your worst memories just like it's happening again."

He grimaced, "That sounds terrible."

"It is. When I saw Narcissa, I knew that it was her fault. She'd made me feel those things… Relive those memories," I shuddered involuntarily. "I was so angry with her, I'm a little surprised that I used s_tupefy_ rather than something more… lethal. But right when I cast the spell…" I cringed at the memory as phantom pain tingled through my body. "Pain. No, agony. The worst pain that I had ever felt before that didn't even come close. I felt like my body must be literally coming apart to cause such pain. And then I passed out.

"The headmaster was there when I woke up. He told me that I'd drained my magic," I added. "He didn't think that it would happen again. Evidently, it is quite rare."

Severus nodded thoughtfully, "I've never heard of it."

"I hadn't either," I quickly corroborated. "I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I have loads of homework to get caught up on, so I think I'm just going to do that until I'm ready for bed."

He looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, "Don't forget that we have a deal, and I don't plan to renege on it." I must have looked lost because he added, "Homework. We're supposed to do it together, remember?"

I smiled, grateful to have his company. Left to my own thoughts, I'd probably spend more time fretting about my magic than writing essays. "Fair enough," I agreed, getting up to retrieve the parchment near my bed before locating the texts I needed and settling back down to work.

Severus was actually a huge help since he'd attended the classes and was able to fill me in on everything that I'd missed while I went through the applicable texts. We ended up staying up late into the night, only giving up when our yawns outnumbered our intelligible sentences.

~.~.{o}.~.~

The next week was a waking nightmare. I couldn't even cast the simple spells I used for my hair and makeup. To avoid reverting to "the frizzy-haired girl", I wore my hair in buns or braids and hoped that my "illness" would be enough for people not to pay too much attention to the lack of makeup.

I used every spare moment I could find to sneak away to the Room of Requirement and practice with my magic. That was terribly frustrating. Magic had always come so easily to me. The very first spell that I had attempted had worked. The lack of pain came as a small but notable comfort, particularly after hours of continuous practicing.

By Sunday I'd figured out my morning ritual spells again and some other simple ones, though every single one was many times more difficult than anything I'd ever done before. I couldn't manage nonverbal spells at all, and I had to concentrate really hard to get even the simplest thing to work. Still, I was feeling that I was good enough to return to classes, so I informed Dumbledore and tried to imagine how I was going to deal with going from the top of the class in practical lessons to the bottom.

My frustration seemed constantly mounting, so when I rounded a corner on Sunday afternoon to find Severus pressed against the wall with James' wand at his throat, I wanted nothing more than to start flinging hexes. Remembering the destruction of those dummies, however, I checked my reaction. If anything happened to James, Harry could never exist, which was more than enough to cool my temper.

I took a slow breath, watching Severus' furious scowl at James before his eyes flicked toward me. I drew my wand as a bluff since I absolutely would not use it, and approached them in my best imitation of a casual stroll. "Well, well, well," I drawled blandly. "What have we here? Four lost lions, and not a witness in sight."

The Marauders spun on me, mostly ignoring Severus since James had his wand.

"You think you can win a duel four against one, Wilkins?" James demanded doubtfully.

"More like three to one," I countered with a sneer at Peter. "And you're the only one who'd actually be fighting me, James."

He scoffed at that.

I raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at Sirius, then Remus, both of whom slowly lowered their wands. Remus didn't have the temperament to fight a woman for no good reason, even at this age. Sirius and I had become something like grudging friends over our many nights and mornings in the Room of Requirement together, even though we pretended we weren't the rest of the time.

My eyes returned to James.

He looked between his two friends in disbelief. "Traitors! I can't believe you'd abandon me over a girl!" he gaped melodramatically.

"She hasn't attacked us, James," Remus reasoned.

"And she's not just a girl," Sirius added. "She's a hot girl."

James looked at me again and I thought for a moment he was going try to hex me anyway. After a moment, he just muttered an expletive and threw Severus' wand at his feet before storming off down the hall away from me. Peter scurried after him. Remus shrugged somewhat sheepishly before following and Sirius threw me a gaudy wink before joining them.

I sighed in annoyance and then looked at Severus. I didn't say anything, unsure how he'd feel about my rescue.

"Thanks," he muttered grumpily, snatching up his wand.

"Oh, you know me," I smirked. "Any opportunity to annoy that prat."

"How did you know that Lupin and Black wouldn't attack you?" he asked as he joined me.

"They're softer than they look," I smiled obscurely. "James isn't worth that much if you take out his lackeys."

"Fat chance for me," he smirked. "I'm not pretty enough."

"Ah, you're just not their type," I teased playfully, our banter like a balm on my frazzled nerves, as it always was.

~.~.{o}.~.~

**14 October 1977**

That Friday I received a note from Dumbledore inviting me up to his office after dinner. Severus was getting used to me abandoning him after dinner as I'd come to take that time to practice my magic in the Room of Requirement, so it wasn't difficult for me to get away.

"Bubblegum," I told the gargoyle, as Dumbledore's note had advised me of the change of password. I climbed the stairs and was just lifting my hand to knock when he called for me to enter. I closed the door behind me and took a seat in front of his desk, ignoring his seeming omniscience. His wards or the castle probably kept him appraised of anyone who so much as approached the gargoyle. I waited in silence while he finished what he was writing. I noticed that the format looked like a letter, but I didn't want to let on that I was paying attention, so I wasn't able to note the recipient or content.

I silently recited the vow I'd made after our last meeting to discuss the Order. I would treat the man like a venomous snake or I may well find myself bitten.

Finally, he put his quill down and rolled the parchment before tucking it into one voluminous pocket of his robes. "Now then, Miss Wilkins," he said pleasantly. "I imagine that you're wondering why I asked you here."

I nodded just slightly. I had a pretty good idea that it either had to do with my magic or the Order, but I didn't feel the need to mention that. The man as much as told me he was grooming me to become a spy or something similar. He could just deal with me acting like one. Even with him.

"The Order of the Phoenix is progressing well," he began. "Professor McGonagall has already agreed to join, and Professor Slughorn has consented to provide us with some extra potions, provided that he is not expected to participate in any other manner."

I couldn't help the undignified snort that slipped out at that. Slughorn was so lazy that I could only imagine Dumbledore had either bribed or threatened that much cooperation out of him. Perhaps both.

The headmaster's eyes twinkled, but he didn't openly agree with my sentiment nor call me down for it. "I've rounded up some others as well. Those most opposed to Tom and his… dogma. Most are former students. I've asked you here because I was rather curious if you had any suggestions for the Order."

I frowned at him. He didn't want the suggestions of a seventh year Slytherin, he wanted the suggestions of someone who'd known about the Order in the future. I considered my answer for a moment, focusing my eyes on his desk to minimize the odds that he'd pick my considerations right out of my head. After a moment, I decided to keep my "suggestions" restricted to recruiting for the time.

"I think we need to recruit among the students," I admitted, watching his reaction carefully.

His eyes narrowed slightly, "I still don't like the idea of involving students, Miss Wilkins, though I have seen the wisdom in making the exception with regard to you and your unique situation."

It was a tremendous effort to withhold a sigh. "Sir, I don't mean to be out of line, but we both know that is a load of crap."

His brow climbed his forehead in perfect surprise. Well, maybe that _had_ been a bit more blunt than necessary.

"I don't mean to suggest that you should besmirch the innocence of first and second years, sir," I continued before he could call me down for my language or manner. "But the seventh years are of age, regardless of their educational status. Some of them are both talented and quite powerful. A few are even rather intelligent."

"You're referring to your friend, Mr. Snape," he assumed, his tone mild.

"Among others," I nodded.

He was silent a moment, but he seemed to be thinking, so I didn't press on just yet. "You are new here, Miss Wilkins – relatively speaking – and you've said yourself that Mr. Snape was your professor in your time, so I am going to venture that you may not know this. Before you came along and befriended him, Mr. Snape was walking a very dangerous path. He has a fascination for the dark arts that minds me dangerously of Tom-"

"I'm going to stop you there," I interrupted as politely as I could manage. "I am aware of Severus' tendencies toward dark magic, and I have been for a long time. I feel that I can divulge to you that the Severus Snape of my time was among the most dedicated members of the Order." I wanted to say more about how much he risked for them and how much Dumbledore demanded of him. I wanted to tell him that Severus was one of the bravest men I had ever known. I wanted to tell him to never again compare Severus to Voldemort – I wanted to scream it.

I wanted to say a lot of things, but I clamped my mouth shut and stared at the desk instead. Dumbledore was incredibly intelligent – more than I would ever be, I was willing to bet – and he'd spent decades collecting knowledge and honing his cunning. The last thing in the world that I wanted was to plant a seed in his head to make Severus a spy. I would become a spy myself if I had to, but not Severus. I didn't want to see him become that horribly detached, bitter, jaded man that I had studied under. I would _not_ allow it.

"I see," he said finally, somehow making those two words profound enough for me to worry that I'd told him more than I wished.

I decided to forge ahead. "This war will not end quickly, sir," I said, meeting his eyes again now that my mind was a bit more focused. "In less than a year, this graduating class will enter the world. A world devolving into war. Some may be able to keep their heads down and avoid it, but many will not. They will become casualties or they will choose a side and fight. You have the opportunity now to give them the advantage of advanced training and place them within an organization that can protect them in the years to come. You have the opportunity to secure the loyalties of those who may otherwise choose Voldemort or attempt to avoid the conflict entirely.

"I know you, sir. This isn't even a difficult decision. Build your ranks, stymie his, and offer some protection to those who need it all at once."

Dumbledore was thoughtful for a long moment before his eyes began to twinkle. "Miss Wilkins, you remind me very much of myself at your age."

I tried to take that as a compliment.

"Very well. You've made your point. Besides Mr. Snape, what students did you have in mind?"

"For starters, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black," I offered.

"Not Peter Pettigrew?" he inquired innocently. "The four of them are rather inseparable."

I tried to control my reaction, but I wasn't sure if I managed it well enough to fool the crafty old wizard. Either way, he gave no visible reaction. "Pettigrew would hand his own mother to Voldemort if he thought it would protect him," I replied coolly. "He cannot be trusted."

He nodded thoughtfully. "I do have a bit of a concern about Mr. Lupin," he ventured blandly. "Did you know him well in your time?"

"Yes, sir," I said significantly. "If I'm not mistaken, Damocles has recently created a potion that may be worth providing for Remus. I'm certain Professor Slughorn could brew it."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled a bit. "Yes, I'll look into that. Mr. Black has always seemed quite the black sheep of his family – no pun intended. I assume you _know _that he will prove trustworthy."

"Yes, sir."

He nodded.

"I'd also like to try to recruit Regulus Black," I admitted, though the idea didn't particularly thrill me.

His brow rose once more. "Now that, I would not have expected. The last time you were here, you seemed to indicate a certain knowledge of his loyalties."

"I am aware that he has taken the mark," I nodded. "I am also aware that he will soon become disillusioned to the glamor that convinced him to take it. We could save his life and position a spy within the Death Eaters at the same time if we trained him."

Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling madly by the time I'd finished. I tried really hard not to roll my eyes. "You have clearly given this a lot of thought, Miss Wilkins, yet you did not attempt to bring any of this to my attention sooner," he noted curiously.

I was tempted to deny his assertion that I had given it a lot of thought. Truthfully, I hadn't really thought about it all that much. Living amongst these people all the time in addition to my knowledge of the future made it all seem rather obvious. Still, the more information that I volunteered, the more power the headmaster would hold over me. He already held more than enough for my liking.

I decided to stick to answering the question he'd almost asked. "I assumed that you would ask for my input if you desired it."

"True enough," he twinkled. He drew a small leather bag from a pocket of his robes and placed it on the desk, nodding toward it.

I picked it up warily and loosened the drawstrings to peer inside. It seemed to be a bag full of knuts. I looked at him curiously.

"For Regulus and anyone else of questionable ability to keep a secret," he explained. "Just press a knut into his palm, and speak the word 'phoenix' while you are both touching it. It will ensure that he cannot speak of anything related to the Order to anyone not a member."

I nodded, impressed by such an intricate enchantment lain into the ordinary-looking coins.

"I trust that there is no need to impress upon you the gravity of our cause or the need for secrecy."

"No, sir," I assured him with quiet severity.

He nodded, satisfied. "Very well, Miss Wilkins. I won't keep you from your practice any longer."

I nodded as I rose, not allowing myself to react to his not-so-subtle mention his awareness of my secret practices.

"It's been a pleasure, as always," he smiled as I started for the door.

"Likewise, sir," I agreed. While "pleasure" wasn't exactly the word I'd have used, there was something comforting about being able to talk to one person who knew who I really was. Well, _slightly_ comforting.

* * *

**Okay, Severus side should be up in a few minutes, and I really will try to get the next chapter out sooner. (I rather like the next chapter :-D) Don't forget to review. It feeds the muse.**


	10. A Vow

**Author's Note:** Okay, this chapter still isn't quite as polished as I would like it to be, but I didn't want to make you wait any longer. More notes at the bottom.

* * *

** Chapter X – The Vow**

The opportunity to speak with Sirius about the Order came on Sunday morning when I woke in the Room of Requirement to find that Sirius had joined me during the night. He looked like he'd just woken up and was brushing his teeth at a basin near his bed.

"Good morning, Sirius," I sighed, stretching my sleepy muscles and then stifling a yawn as I sat up.

"Morning, Beautiful," he grinned around his toothbrush, then leaned over the basin and spat before wiping his mouth and vanishing all of it.

"You're a pure blood, Sirius," I noted curiously, "Why do brush your teeth like a muggle?"

"A habit that Lily got us into," Sirius laughed, slouching over to one of the armchairs and sprawling himself across it. "I don't always do it, but she was actually right. I _does_ leave your mouth tasting better than a cleansing charm. You ever tried it?"

"My father was a muggle," I rolled my eyes. "Of course I've tried it."

"You never know with you half-bloods," he shrugged. "Could go either way. I bet Snivellus never brushes his teeth the muggle way, does he?"

"Do you really want me to knock you on your arse this early in the morning?" I frowned at Sirius.

He rolled his eyes dramatically. "Fine. _Severus _then. I really don't know what you see in that… Well, in him."

"And I imagine you never will," I said mildly ignoring the obvious insinuation in his words. I'd told him before that Severus and I were merely friends. There seemed no point in continually stressing it to the thick-headed Gryffindor. "I'm actually glad that I've got you here," I admitted.

His face split in a wide grin, "Finally come to your senses, have you?"

I narrowed my eyes but otherwise ignored the remark. "I wanted to talk to you about something, but I won't until I can believe that you'll take it seriously."

The grin slipped off his face as he studied me. "All right," he finally nodded.

"You're no doubt aware of the situation brewing with the Dark Lord and his followers," I began.

His eyes darkened at the mention of it. "Is this about my brother?" There was the warning of violence in his tone.

"This is about you," I corrected. "It's about everyone who opposes the would-be despot."

"Go on," he prompted quietly.

"The headmaster is forming a group of skilled witches and wizards to oppose Voldemort."

He flinched slightly at the name but otherwise maintained his composure. "What kind of group?"

"It is called the Order of the Phoenix," I admitted. "It will consist largely of older witches and wizards, aurors, ministry officials, muggleborns… Anyone willing to fight. He would like you to join. You and James and Remus."

"Not Peter?" he asked after a moment.

"_Not_ Peter," I said severely. "We both know that simpering rat doesn't have the stones for something like this, however much he manages to stroke your egos by following you around like a loyal puppy. This is not a game, Sirius. Lives are at stake."

"You've already joined then?" he assumed.

I nodded.

"What do we have to do?"

"For now, we'll be given special training. Not much else. After we graduate, we'll join the war in truth, when we're better prepared for it. Dumbledore won't ask more of us than we can handle." I hated it that that last bit felt like a lie, but I didn't want to scare Sirius. At this point in his life, I was pretty sure he'd never have had to deal with real life and death. "You'll be expected to keep everything about the Order with the utmost secrecy."

He now looked as grave as I had ever seen him at this age. "I've never even thought about taking sides against the Dark Lord," he said quietly.

"By the time we graduate, we may not have much more choice than which side we pick," I said softly. "I know that you don't want to become a Death Eater. Joining the Order now _will _see you better prepared. We'll be taught spells that have never been a part of the Hogwarts curriculum. Think of it as having an extra, advanced Defense class. The chance to really make something of all that power you have."

When he didn't say anything for a couple minutes, I stood and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Think about it, Sirius. Let me know when you decide, but do _not _speak of it to anyone else."

He nodded vaguely and I left him to his thoughts.

~.~.{o}.~.~

The rest of the weekend passed quickly. I decided not to broach the subject with James or Remus until Sirius gave me an answer, and Regulus proved difficult to pin down. I never seemed able to find him alone. I had plenty of opportunities to talk to Severus, but that, I could admit, I was simply putting off. I wasn't entirely sure why, but I had a bad feeling about how he was going to take it.

I spent the weekend working on homework with Severus. I hadn't told him the extent of my difficulties, but we had too many classes together for him to have not noticed that my magic did not seem to have properly recovered after my "illness". He devoted a lot of his time to practicing spells with me that had not long ago come to me with ease. He never outright mentioned my difficulty with magic, but I knew he was aware of how much it bothered me. More than once I'd had tears in my eyes after repeated failures.

Working with Severus seemed to help. For some reason, he helped me to stay more relaxed when I would otherwise have been untenably frustrated. I still made a habit of my solitary nightly practices just because I didn't want to try the more difficult spells in his presence. Probably, I should have given him more credit, but I wasn't good at showing weakness in general, not only because it was dangerous. It was hard enough to let him see me struggle on the easy stuff. I didn't think I could handle his watching me _fail._

Professor McGonagall, I gathered, was privy to some of my difficulties considering how understanding she was when I struggled in class. The rest of my professors seemed between concerned and disappointed in my suddenly falling skills even though my book work was always perfect.

Professor Moody was the only one to actually talk to me about it, but seeing as he tutored me one on one, there really wasn't any chance of pretending like it wasn't obvious. I still couldn't believe how that conversation had worked out.

On the morning of October 17th, I sequestered myself in the library after breakfast, surrounded by books with little chance of having any real insight into the problem of my magic. My mind soon began to wander away from the unhelpful text opened in front of me, and I found myself thinking about the Order. I knew that I should recruit Frank and Alice, but I was afraid of being responsible for them being tortured until their minds broke. I probably should have had the same reservations about James and Sirius but I couldn't help but feeling that they were a vital part of the war. Besides, their temperaments virtually guaranteed that they would join in the near future with or without my influence. I just had to make certain that Peter couldn't betray them this time.

I was shaken from my thoughts by the gentle scrape of a chair. I started, hand automatically going to my wand before I realized that it was Dumbledore that had snuck up on me. I exhaled heavily as I willed my suddenly racing heart to slow.

He merely looked interested by my reaction.

"Did you need something, sir?" I inquired as calmly as I could, closing my book and sitting up straighter in my chair as I addressed the headmaster where he sat across the table.

There was a pressure on my ears as he silently and wandlessly warded the area against eavesdroppers. I watched him curiously as he reached into one of those deep pockets and removed a small book with a soft leather binding. He placed it on top of the book I'd just closed.

I opened it curiously and found that it was entirely blank. "A journal?" I asked uncertainly. Did he want me to document something?

"A very special journal," he twinkled. "I've enchanted it for your particular use." He then produced what appeared to be an exact replica, but he held onto that one. "If I wish to converse with you," he explained, "I need only write my thoughts in here, and they will appear in yours. The reverse is also true. May I have your hand for a moment?"

Watching him warily, I extended my hand toward him over the table.

He drew his wand and pointed it at the tip of my index finger. There was no uttered word to warn me before the severing charm sliced into my finger. I bit off a curse and tried not to flinch as he turned my hand and pressed my bleeding finger to the cover of my journal and then his. He muttered a quick enchantment too quiet for me to make out, and waved his wand over the journals. The blood seemed to soak right into the leather. He was then nice enough to heal my finger for me.

I wanted to snap at him for not at least warning me of his intention, but I suspected that it had been another test to watch my reaction. With that in mind, I tried to give as little as possible.

"There," he smiled with satisfaction. "Now they will recognize only you and me. No one else may use these for any reason. When I send you a new message, you will be aware of it by a ringing in your ears." He opened his journal and tapped his wand against a blank page before closing it again.

Almost instantly, my ears began to ring. It wasn't painful or loud enough that I couldn't hear someone talking at regular volume, but it was unmistakable. I opened my journal to a random page and the ringing instantly stopped when I found his message there.

_-The ringing will be constant until you open the journal, so I would advise that you keep it with you at all times.-_

"I'll keep that in mind," I agreed.

"You can write in it with a spell as I did or with quill and ink, as I suspect will be easier for you at present."

I nodded my agreement.

"Your message is sent as soon as you close the book," he continued to explain. "Should you change your mind about what you meant to send, simply vanish it or cross it out before closing it. Either will prevent it from being sent to me."

"Thank you, sir," I said finally. "If I may ask though, _why _would you want me to have this method of communicating with you?"

"After our last conversation, Miss Wilkins, I have seen the wisdom in keeping your counsel."

Something in the glint of his eyes suggested that he would much rather simply probe my mind until he'd uncovered every dirty secret of the next twenty years so that he could use them at his leisure. I was glad that he'd chosen an alternative method, and reminded myself to be even more careful around him than I already was.

"As it would be both difficult and untoward for you to be visiting my office too frequently, I think that this will be an agreeable alternative," he continued, apparently oblivious to my suspicions. "Please do try to read the messages quickly. Some may not require an immediate response, but others may."

"I understand, sir," I nodded. "I just hope that you understand that I may not be able to answer all of your questions in the manner you would prefer."

"Of course," he said benignly. "As you are the only one privy to your knowledge, you are the only one who can decide what is safe to share. I trust your judgment."

There was a subtle warning beneath that, I thought. I would only be able to push him so far before he decided to take what he wanted. "Yes, sir," I responded gravely to what he hadn't said.

His smile was deceptively kind as he stood and the silence spell around us vanished. "Good day, Miss Wilkins."

I watched him leave, feeling colder than the temperature warranted. I'd long understood that Dumbledore was not a man to be trifled with. He approached everything in life like a massive game of chess, preparing his moves years ahead of actual events. I was beginning to realize, however, that I was just starting to understand the lengths to which this man would go in order to win.

Wariness did not even begin to cover what I needed to be practicing around him. Despite the fact that I still firmly believed that we were both on the side of the Greater Good, that in no way indicated that we should share an opinion on how to reach those ends. If he decided to take what he wanted from me, I held no illusions about being anything but helpless to resist.

I needed to be treating the man as I'd treat a Death Eater – or maybe even Voldemort himself. Incredible power and intelligence combined with a vast sea of knowledge made Albus Dumbledore a man that scared the living shit out of me. I could believe that Voldemort would fear him as well.

I was going to need help, I realized as I settled myself at my work station in the potions lab. I needed to better my skill in Occlumency, but that meant that someone was going to have to look into my mind to teach me how to block properly. There was one person that I _might _be able to trust with that, assuming that he actually knew how to use Legilimency at his point, but I couldn't do that to Severus. It was too dangerous. Even if I was ready for him to know that I was from the future, far too many of my memories involved him. There was no way that I could let him see the man he could become. Not when I was trying so hard to make sure that that never happened.

That left me with only one hope. I recalled the conversation I'd had with Professor Moody that had changed so much.

_"Albus explained to me a bit about your situation," he said on my first day back at the beginning of October._

_I kept my face blank. I knew that Dumbledore wouldn't have said anything about my time traveling, so I was assuming that he'd merely passed on that I was having difficulties with my magic. "It's a temporary problem," I said, trying not to sound defensive. I wasn't entirely certain that he wouldn't lose interest in tutoring me if I couldn't cast properly. He seemed like a decent person to me, but he'd made it clear that he was training me in hopes that I would become an auror._

_"That's what Albus said," he agreed. "He also said that it could be some time before your magic righted itself."_

_"I'll understand if you don't wish to teach me anymore," I offered neutrally. "I already know enough for my NEWTs, and I can practice independently if I feel the need when-"_

_"Miss Wilkins," he interrupted. "I am not going to stop teaching you just because you've suffered a setback."_

_I struggled to keep my expression neutral. "Well, this is a bit more than a 'setback', sir. I'm not sure what you can teach me if I'm not able to perform the spells…"_

_He looked pensive for a moment, then flicked his wand toward the door with a nonverbal silencing charm._

_I felt my brow lift curiously._

_He stared at me thoughtfully. "Can you keep a secret?" he asked intently._

_"Yes, sir," I replied at once. Actually, it had rather become my forte._

_"From Albus?" he pressed, still staring at me with an intentness that convinced me he was carefully evaluating my expressions._

_I tried not to react to that, but I'm sure my eyes narrowed a bit. I was intrigued by his suggestion, but also wary of the fact that Dumbledore may have put him up to this because he didn't fully trust me. If I agreed to keep something from the headmaster, it may simply be proving to him that I couldn't be trusted. Then again, I could always simply say that I'd lied in order to discover what he wished kept secret. I'd have to judge after hearing what he had to say._

_"I believe that I could, yes," I said cautiously without actually stating that I _would _keep anything from him._

_His face was perfectly unreadable as he spoke, "Has Albus recruited you?"_

_I'd been prepared for just about anything, so I'm pretty sure that my face gave away nothing. I considered my response for a moment. I was inclined to trust this man because of Mad-Eye, but I needed to remember to be careful. Blood relation was not reason enough to trust Professor Moody._

_After a long moment, I decided that I could be as blunt as he could. "May I see your left arm, sir?"_

_His eyes widened just slightly, but after a moment, he rolled back his sleeve to show me smooth, unmarked flesh on the inside of his left wrist._

_I withheld my sigh of relief._

_"Has Albus recruited you?" he asked again._

_"I'd be pretty confused about the question if he hadn't," I answered smoothly._

_"I imagine you would," he agreed._

_"I take it that he's recruited you as well?"_

_He nodded, "Can't say that I agree with him about involving students. What happened to you last month, that wasn't… Albus wasn't involved in any way, was he?"_

_I shook my head._

_He looked a little relieved. "I suspected that he may recruit you as soon as he spoke to me about joining," he admitted, finally seeming to relax a bit as he leaned against his desk. "The fact that you've essentially been training for this your whole life makes you an obvious choice."_

_"And an easy sell," I added objectively._

_He didn't dispute it. "I'd really rather you waited until after graduation and became a proper auror," he confessed, "but I can understand your choice. I just want to make sure that you're as prepared as you can be," he explained._

_"Why?" I couldn't help but ask._

_He smiled faintly, "Honestly? Because I like you. You're a good kid who's had a bad run of luck. You're resilient, hardworking, and intelligent. You're also shrewd and careful. As much as I admire your potential, I fear how Albus will employ those skills, particularly considering…" His eyes darted up and down my body. "Well, from a strictly practical standpoint, your dueling skill is the least of your potential."_

_I nodded my understanding._

_"Let Albus think we're still working on Defense," he suggested. "For the moment, there are other things I could teach you."_

_"Such as?"_

_"Cunning, deception, and manipulation. The trademarks of every good Slytherin, Miss Wilkins. No doubt you've some talent already to be in that house, but I could help you to hone that talent into a truly deadly weapon."_

_I was thoroughly intrigued by the proposition, if a bit intimidated. "You were a Slytherin?" I probed. For some reason, I'd always assumed that he'd been a Gryffindor. A rather large percentage of aurors came from that house considering that bravery was rather a necessity._

_He nodded. "My family has always been split fairly evenly between Gryffindor and Slytherin. My son, for example, was Gryffindor, but my grandson was Slytherin."_

_I wanted to ask his grandson's name, but I refrained as I would have an interesting time explaining that curiosity._

And so I'd found myself spending the hour before dinner each day learning more effective methods of lying and manipulation. While the Gryffindor in me disliked it, I was actually rather good at it. The fact that I'd been lying through my teeth to virtually everyone I'd met in the last four months had likely helped.

Much had changed between Moody and myself over the last two weeks. He was no longer just my professor. He was much more like a friend. Conspiring to keep secrets from one of the greatest wizards alive had a way of eclipsing the student-teacher formality. If there was one person other than Severus with whom I could see myself sharing my most guarded secrets, it had to be him.

When my potion turned banana yellow and started to smoke heavily, I motioned to Severus and he vanished it, his eyes concerned. "Long morning," I said quietly, apologizing quickly to Slughorn before asking him if I could make it up on my own time. It wasn't that difficult of a potion and Severus and I had gone over it yesterday. If I'd been paying any attention, it wouldn't have been a problem at all. Slughorn agreed that I could use the lab after dinner and I breathed a little easier. I really needed to confine my brooding to times when I wasn't in a position to blow anything up.

"What happened this morning?" Severus asked quietly as we left the potions lab.

I had just opened my mouth to answer with an obscure lie when Sirius sidled up to me and threw his arm around my shoulder. He knew better than to touch me, and we never interacted amicably outside the Room of Requirement, so I was just about to snap at him for taking such liberties when he squeezed my shoulder gently.

"Let's find a shady corner, love," he drawled, but I got the message.

With an annoyed sigh for his lack of discretion, I turned an apologetic eye to Severus. "I'll catch up with you."

He looked between Sirius and me with something like disbelief in his eyes, then just shook his head and picked up his pace, his long legs eating up the corridor much more quickly than my usual stride.

I let Sirius lead me into an unpopulated corridor before violently shrugging out of his hold. "What is wrong with you?" I hissed angrily. "Our whole bloody class likely thinks we snuck off to snog!"

He waggled his brow as though he either hoped they thought that or hoped they were right.

"Sirius," I warned quietly.

He heaved a put-upon sigh and leaned against the wall in one of his typical unaffected stances. He was the only man I knew who could seem to lounge while standing up. "I'm in," he frowned.

I calmed down at finding that my assumption of the topic was correct. "Good," I nodded. "I'll pass it on. You'll be contacted when we're ready to begin the extra lessons. Until then, you speak of this to no one except James and Remus."

He frowned curiously at that last.

I sighed, "Dumbledore wants them to join as well, Sirius."

"Why don't you talk to them like you did me?" he reasoned.

"Because James would like nothing better than to hex me on sight and I don't know Remus." I didn't add the "obviously" that my tone implied.

"Oh, right," he frowned thoughtfully. "Well, I don't want to tell them," he said plaintively after a moment to consider it. "They'll think I'm barmy, talking about some super-secret organization rising to fight against the Dark Lord."

"Are they your friends or not, Sirius?" I demanded.

"Well, yeah, but no one ever takes _me _seriously."

Ah, the irony… "I'm sure you'll figure something out," I said unsympathetically. With everything I had on my mind at the moment, it was difficult to feel for Sirius' plight with his friends. I turned and left him quickly, hoping that he wouldn't try to walk with me to Herbology.

~.~.{o}.~.~

My mind was still spinning with the incident in the library when I entered the Defense classroom that evening. I waited until the professor had warded the room for silence, as had become our usual practice now, then spoke before he could. "Did you truly mean it when you said that you wanted to help keep me safe?"

His brow rose at my abrupt question. "I did," he nodded, watching me warily.

"I need to learn Occlumency," I confessed.

"Has Albus done something, Hermione?" he asked quietly.

"Not yet," I frowned, refusing to allow myself to pace as I wished. He would disapprove of the blatant display of unease. "I have, however, gotten the definite sense that he hasn't ruled it out."

"He believes you're hiding something," he gathered.

"He _knows _that I'm hiding something," I corrected. "Thus far, he seems convinced that I'll tell him what he needs to know, but I don't know how much longer his patience will last. I feel like I'm one evasion away from him taking everyone he wants to know."

He considered for a moment. "I assume that you understand you would not be able to keep all of your secrets from me were I to teach you this."

I nodded. "I understand. That's why I need to ask you for more than you may be willing to give me." I took a deep breath and came out with it. "If we were to do this, I would have to insist that you make an Unbreakable Vow to never reveal anything you may find in my mind."

His eyes widened and for a long time, he simply stared at me. "Your secrets are that dangerous?" he finally asked.

"Yes," I said gravely.

"And you would trust me to know them?"

"I don't have anyone else, Alek," I admitted. "I know for a fact that it would be incredibly dangerous if Albus got hold of my secrets."

"Then I truly wish that I could help you, Hermione. Unfortunately, Legilimency is not my strong suit. I could teach you the theory and the basics, but you'd need a true Legilimens to properly learn the application."

I sighed heavily and sank down into a chair. "I already know the theory and basics," I sighed. "I studied that much over the summer."

"Well, then I imagine you've gotten a rather good start on it. You've proven yourself quite capable when you decide to learn something."

I nodded. "As much as one can learn something like Occlumency without a Legilimens."

He was thoughtful for a moment. "I might… I might know someone who can help, but… I hesitate to involve him without knowing the nature of your dangerous secrets. If I Vowed to keep your secrets close, would you tell me?"

I considered it a moment. I'd been prepared for him to know the truth in order to teach me Occlumency, but now he was asking to know in exchange for pointing me to someone else who would have to know as well. The urge to tell him just so that I could confide in him about the true nature of my difficulties was considerable, and that made me nervous. I _had _to remain objective about this. Acting emotionally would get me killed. _Constant _vigilance, not just when it was convenient.

Logically, however, it was probably more dangerous to remain completely helpless against Albus. At the very least, a greater understanding of Occlumency may prevent him for gleaning the smaller bits from the surface that I'm certain he was already sweeping up whenever it was convenient.

"Very well," I relented.

He drew his wand and extended his left hand.

I took a deep breath, almost surprised that he was actually going to do it. I gripped his wrist as he gripped mine in his scarred and callused hand, then he touched his wand to our hands and I felt the subtle vibration of magic to suggest that the spell was prepared to take the vows.

"Will you, Aleksander Moody, keep the secret of my past and all related information in the strictest of confidences?"

"I will," he agreed, though his eyes were calculating as the fine red coil of magic wound around our joined hands.

"Will you take every precaution available to you in order to prevent anyone or anything from learning this secret by any means magical or mundane without my direct and specific instruction?"

He smiled at that. "I will."

The magic bound us together once more. I waited until it was complete, then released his hand and took a step back.

For a moment, we were both silent. I was adjusting to the weight of what had just transpired and I imagined that he was as well considering that he'd promised his life in exchange for keeping his word. In a very real way, my life was as much on the line. Should the wrong people learn the truth of me, I'd only be able to hope that Dumbledore took my secrets before Voldemort got to me.

Alek took a seat and gestured me toward the other. "Well, I think I've earned a story, Hermione."

I nodded as I sat down and glanced automatically around the room. "You're certain that we're alone and cannot be overheard?" I checked.

"Considering your rather devious wording, Hermione, it would literally be suicide for me to be negligent in that area. I assure you, we are quite private."

I nodded again. Of course. "Myself and Albus Dumbledore are the only two people that know what I'm about to tell you," I stressed. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I am from the future," I admitted.

Alek's brow shot up.

"From the year 1997, to be precise. It is my knowledge of the next twenty years that is so dangerous and so precious."

"You're serious," he said quietly, though he didn't sound like he really doubted it. "How did you come back twenty years? Is something invented in the future to allow it?"

"Not to my knowledge," I sighed. "The means of my transit aren't known to me, though I highly suspect that a certain phoenix was involved."

"Fawkes?"

I nodded.

"Albus did this?"

"It's possible," I admitted. It would be just like Albus Dumbledore to make such a contingency plan in the event of his own death, though that didn't explain why he hadn't sent me directly to the younger version of himself. Unless perhaps the magic didn't work in that way. Perhaps he'd believed that the war would likely not be won without him there to pull our strings. He'd have lessened the odds of our victory in that timeline by removing me as an asset to Harry, but greatly increased the odds by sending me here with so much knowledge of the war's future…

Damn. Why hadn't I considered that earlier? Well, because I'd trusted Dumbledore in my time. It was difficult to believe I'd been that naïve, but perhaps Albus was simply more subtle in the future. Or Harry's opinion of the man had clouded my judgment.

"It's likely," I regretfully amended.

I saw a muscle in Alek's cheek twitch as he clenched his jaw. "Meddling fool," he muttered. "Why would he choose you?"

"Probably because he'd spent the last five years training me to fight Voldemort." Something else occurred to me and my eyes widened. "Bloody hell!" I growled. "That's why he gave me… Damn him! He planned this contingency right from the beginning! Since I was _twelve_ years old!"

He'd given me extra credit to write essays about the first war. He'd pushed me in so many ways that he hadn't pushed Harry and Ron. At the time, I'd thought that it was merely because I was so studious. I'd thought it was because he had faith in me, and I'd been _proud_ of myself for that.

Alek's eyes narrowed, "Albus was the one who trained you? What you told me about your parents…?"

"All lies," I admitted, my anger deflating a bit. There wasn't anything I could do about it now anyway. "My parents are muggles."

He sat back thoughtfully. "You're a better liar than I credited."

"It's not difficult to honestly mourn them," I admitted, "Seeing as I've lost them even though they're still alive. Along with everyone else I've ever known."

"Why would Albus do this to you?" he posed, his calm voice belying the anger in his eyes.

"Apart from the fact that he's a meddling fool?" I smirked, though my heart wasn't in it. I considered how much I could tell him. With that Vow in place, he'd have a difficult time meddling too much without my permission without risking his life. "every precaution available" covered quite a lot. "We were in danger of losing the war," I admitted with a sigh.

"In _twenty_ years?" he asked grimly.

I nodded, "Yes. I fought during Voldemort's second rise."

"You _fought_? But you're so young." He looked personally affronted by that.

"I won't go into the specifics of the circumstances, but yes. I have fought Death Eaters. I have been petrified, cursed, and interrogated. I have cast dark spells and I have killed at least one Death Eater." I took a deep breath. "Now, if you don't mind, it is nearly time for dinner, and I would like to know who you had in mind to teach me Occlumency."

He stared at me a moment longer, then nodded grimly. "My grandson is a master of Legilimency and Occlumency both despite his age. He's an auror, but I'm sure we could arrange for you to meet with him on the weekends."

"His name?"

"Alastor."

I sighed in relief. I could trust him much more easily than a stranger.

"Did you know him?" he asked intently.

"Yes," I admitted. "In my time, he was among the most highly ranked members of the Order, one of my teachers."

"I probably shouldn't be surprised," he said with a small smile. "I suppose it is inevitable that my family would be drawn into Albus' schemes." He sighed briskly and pressed on, "Well, I will owl Alastor tonight. We can discuss his reply tomorrow. For right now, we'd both best get to dinner before Albus begins to wonder what we're doing in here."

I smiled as I left the Defense tower and started toward the Great Hall. I was excited to meet Mad-Eye again. I wondered what he'd be like in 1977. Would he still have both eyes? Both legs? How old was he? I'd never known that in the future, but I was guessing he'd be around thirty now, give or take five years.

I just hoped that he was a good teacher. I needed to learn this, and I needed to learn it soon.

* * *

**Okay, I know that I promised more Severus in this chapter. So sorry! I had to add a couple scenes and the chapter was in danger of needing its own zip code, so I split it up. There ****will not**** be an accompanying Severus chapter for this one. *ducks for fear of flying objects* More Severus next time. I'm certain of it this time!**


	11. Priorities

**Author's Note:** Okay, more Hermione/Severus action ahead, as promised! I do hope you enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter XI - Priorities**

The rest of the week passed in something of a blur. Between studying, practicing my magic in private, fretting about Dumbledore, and working with Alek, I barely had time to sleep, much less worry about anything else.

After a couple owls back and forth between Alek and Alastor, it was at last decided that Alek and I would meet him on Saturday at a safe house in London. It did not surprise me at all that Alastor kept a safe house even at this age. In fact, I assumed that he probably had more than one.

Severus had seemed a bit withdrawn all week, and I wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. It did concern me, increasingly so, as the bad mood seemed slow to pass. I didn't know exactly when he'd taken the mark, and I didn't really think that he'd do so after hearing the tragic tale about my "parents", but I didn't want to take any chances. I needed to get him connected to the Order, and soon. If he was withdrawing from me because he was considering taking the mark and I hesitated too long in speaking with him, I would never forgive myself.

It was Friday before I managed to catch him after dinner.

"Severus, can we talk?" I asked before he could slip down toward the dungeons.

"I need to study, Hermione," he said warily, taking half a step toward the stairs.

"This is important," I pleaded quickly.

He sighed and hesitated only a moment before nodding.

I managed half a smile. "My room?" I suggested.

He nodded and I followed him down, trying to figure out what was wrong with him and why he'd been acting so strangely all week. We hadn't even been studying together, which was very odd. It almost seemed like he was avoiding me.

He followed me into my room, muttering the passphrase as he always did now.

I closed the door behind him and sat down on the sofa.

"What is it?" he asked with some evident concern as he took his seat.

I took a deep breath and tried to shake the growing sense that this would go badly. It was just nerves, I was sure. "You've noticed that I've been a bit distracted lately," I began.

He nodded warily.

Wow, all this time putting this off, and I didn't even know how to begin. "Well, you see, Professor Dumbledore has… He's organized a group of people to… To oppose Voldemort."

He grimaced in response to the name.

"I've joined it," I continued awkwardly.

"I don't understand," he frowned. "What… What exactly does this 'group' do?"

"Lots of things," I shrugged. "Um, except for the student members, I guess. We'll just be getting extra training, preparing to join the war when we graduate. I, um… I was hoping that you'd join as well." _How was this so much easier with Sirius?_

His brow drew down as he watched me. "The headmaster wants me to join?"

I nodded, uncertain of what he meant by asking that.

"I've never gotten the impression that he trusted me. Or cared for me at all, actually," he said bitterly.

And I understood. I should have thought of that sooner. Clearly, I'd been too distracted lately. Albus and his stupid Gryffindor favoritism. He may know that Slytherins were useful, but that didn't mean that he'd be fair to us. "Well, he trusts me," I tried to explain. "There is no one who wants to destroy Voldemort more than I do, and he knows that. And _I _trust you, Severus."

He didn't look any less bitter, and I realized that my bad feeling was growing steadily worse. This was definitely not going well.

"So you had to beg him to let me join, did you?" he sneered.

"Severus, no!" I protested. "You are the most intelligent and powerful wizard of your age that I have ever met. He'd be an idiot not to see how much good you could do with the Order."

I wasn't sure exactly what I'd said wrong, but I could see distrust curdling behind his eyes. "Is this why you've been my friend, then?" he demanded. "Just to get me to join your stupid war? You're as bad as Slughorn and all the rest!" he bit off, rising at once and turning toward the door.

_What?_ How had I messed this up so badly? How had I managed to insinuate _that_?

"Severus, wait!" I cried, scrambling around him to block the door before he could leave. "That is _not _true!"

He didn't try to push passed me, but clearly he was still royally brassed off.

"Severus, I am your friend because I enjoy being with you," I told him with complete honesty, which he seemed not to see at all. Damn it. I was starting to panic. I couldn't let him leave. He had to understand. "I'm your friend because you'll sit and do homework with me for hours and never get bored or annoyed. Because your mind challenges me as no one else ever has. Because you make me laugh. Because you're brave enough to not give a whit what our idiot classmates think of you!" The words were pouring out of me so fast that I hardly even knew what I was saying. I just knew that I had to make him understand.

I felt tears sting my eyes and tried to keep them from falling. "Because you've seen me at my very worst and you comforted me. You held me instead of laughing or leaving," I said weakly.

His resolve seemed to be softening as he watched me.

"Because I know that you're a good man," I said quietly. Stupid tears escaped my eyes despite my best efforts, and I turned my face down to hide them. "Damn it, Severus, you're my only friend in the entire world," I choked.

His arms closed around me protectively and it was a huge effort not to start sobbing in relief as I leaned into his hold. I took a deep breath and tried to let his scent clear my head. I hadn't actually realized just how vital he had become to me until I'd realized that I was about to lose him. I hated myself for not seeing that sooner.

I didn't realize that we were moving until he sat down on the sofa again, guiding me down onto it with him. "Shh, Hermione, it's okay," he murmured into my hair. "I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. I'm sorry," he crooned while I tried to calm down.

It was nearly time for my monthly and with all the stress of the last few weeks – well, the last few months, actually – I hadn't realized how close to the breaking point I'd been.

"You don't have to join the Order," I found myself saying. "It's important to me, Severus, but it's not as important as you." And I meant every single word.

His arms tightened around me just a little and I felt his cheek against the top of my head. "Can I think about it?" he asked quietly.

"Of course," I replied, taking another deep breath of him. As amazing as it seemed to me, I was beginning to realize that I may actually have feelings for Severus Snape. He _was _more important to me than the Order. And Voldemort. And the entire war. I couldn't even imagine what my life in this time may have been like without him, particularly as I was sorted into Slytherin, where almost everyone close to my age seemed to be an aspiring Death Eater or at least from a family sympathetic to the madman's "cause".

Severus was the only relief I was able to find when I had so many stresses pressing in on me from every side. He was the only reason I ever had to smile. To laugh. He was all that I had.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," I mumbled into his chest.

"I'm not going anywhere, Hermione," he replied quietly.

One of my arms curled around his chest, as if to physically hold him to that promise. Oh yes, it was entirely possible that I had feelings for this man.

I couldn't act on them, of course. I had far too much going on right now to even consider trying to date anyone. I'd officially thrust myself into a war where I had nearly as much to fear from my own side as the opposing one. I was involving students, and I couldn't help but feel responsible for what happened to them. I doubted very much that Albus could be trusted to always put their best interests above his cursed "Greater Good". Worst of all, I wasn't even entirely sure that I _wanted _him to.

I was really beginning to question my character pretty seriously. I was willingly involving people that had been in the Order the first time because they were powerful, intelligent, and loyal. Unfortunately, the majority of them had been dead or in a state just as bad in my time. Intellectually, I knew that there was no such thing as a war without casualties. I knew that we had to do everything we could to ensure that we prevailed or many, many more people would suffer. I knew these things, but the more that I learned about the kind of man that Albus Dumbledore was, the more I feared turning into him.

I just wanted to be a Gryffindor again. I wanted things to be simple. I wanted to see clearly who was good and who was bad and to fight them head to head. I was starting to understand how the Severus of my time had become so withdrawn and jaded. I couldn't imagine how he'd managed to walk that line for so many years.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I woke up feeling a little stiff, but warm and the kind of happy that comes from a really good dream that you just can't remember. I stretched a little and only then did I realize that I was not in my bed. My eyes snapped open and I became aware of the fact that I was draped across Severus' lap on my sofa.

I leaned back enough to see that he was still asleep. He looked so peaceful. So… Merlin, how had I never noticed how handsome he was? I felt bathed in his delicious scent and my eyes settled on his lips. The urge to press my lips to his was nearly overwhelming. I liked my lips, unsure whether I was gathering my courage to kiss him or gathering my conviction to get off his lap.

I never got the chance to find out because I was suddenly very aware of something pressing against my leg…

My breath caught and I was certain that my face had just flamed brilliant red. That was not… Oh, dear Gods, it was. I was afraid to so much as breathe for fear of waking him in that moment, but then his breathing changed and he began to stir.

My courage deserted me and I reacted without even thinking about it. I leapt off his lap and stood facing my bookshelf, unable to face him while my entire face was burning this way. Particularly when part of me wanted to jump right back into his lap and damn the consequences.

I resolutely kept my back to him. After maybe a minute, I heard him clear his throat quietly, but I couldn't bring myself to face him. My blush was beginning to fade a little, but I knew that it would be back in force the moment I looked at him.

"Well, ah. I should probably get back to my room. Good morning," he said awkwardly.

"Good morning," I replied as I heard him get up and let himself out.

I breathed a profound sigh of relief when he was gone and sank down onto my bed, struggling to figure out what had just happened. Why could I not shake the desire to follow him to his room and snog him senseless? Why was part of me so fervently regretting the fact that I hadn't kissed him when I'd had the chance?

I couldn't help but imagine the Severus of my time. No, the _Professor Snape _of my time. I giggled a bit hysterically at the thought of kissing my surly potions' master. He'd hex me into oblivion if I ever tried it. But that wasn't my Severus. I wasn't sure when he'd become "my Severus", but he was. What would he do if I kissed him? Would it irrevocably destroy our friendship? Would that be such a bad thing? I mean, we could have so much more than just friendship.

But what if he didn't want me in that way? I mean, men woke up with that… ah, _problem _all the time right? And I had been rubbing against… it. And he'd been asleep or mostly asleep. So it was entirely possible that it had nothing at all to do with me personally. Oh, and then I'd reacted like a completely silly girl, becoming so embarrassed. Refusing to look at him. Gods, what had that looked like to him?

How could I go to breakfast now and sit right next to him without blushing like an idiot the entire time?

Maybe I should just tell him how I felt, the Gryffindor in me reasoned. Just lay all my cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. _When did I start using poker metaphors?_

But, no. There was a difference between bravery and impulsiveness. I needed to think this through, not just clobber him over the head with it. I couldn't afford to make stupid mistakes. Next thing I knew, I'd be telling him the truth about where I came from as well.

Why was it that I couldn't be with Severus? There had been a very good reason last night. Oh, yes. Because my plate was already full to the point of overflowing without thrusting romantic entanglements into the mix.

Today, of all days, I could not be distracted by this. I had to meet Alastor in… I checked my clock. In an hour. And I was now late for breakfast. Bollocks.

I went through my morning routine as quickly as I could, cleaning and pressing my robes in lieu of changing in order to save time, then fixed my hair and cleaned my mouth. I quickly double-checked to make sure that I had everything I would need, then hastened up to the Great Hall.

I was distracted enough that I didn't think about Severus again until I sat down at his side. Damn, he smelled good. I had to repress and urge to slide closer to him as I tucked into my breakfast. I had to meet Alek in just over half an hour.

"Hermione," Severus said warily. "Ah, about last night."

My eyes automatically darted up to make sure that no one was close enough to overhear. Luckily, it was still fairly early on a Saturday. The table wasn't even half full and we had a little bubble of space around us.

I screwed up my courage and told myself to stop being a silly little girl. I met his eyes with a smile that didn't feel too forced. "Really, Severus, it's not a big deal," I assured him. "Honestly, it was a bit disorienting to wake up like that, but not a big deal."

He smiled just a little bit, his lips twisting up at the corners…

_No! Stop looking at his lips!_

I turned back to my food to hide my sudden need to avert my eyes. For Salazar's sake, I was training to be a spy and one conversation with Severus could leave me this out of sorts? That didn't bode well for my future.

I focused on eating after that. I would not be late to meet Alek, definitely not because of hormones.

"I have some things to take care of today," I explained to Severus as I pushed my plate away. "I'm going to head to my house, so I may not be back until late." There, that didn't sound too suspicious, right? I could have perfectly mundane things to take care of. I couldn't imagine what at the moment, but something would come to me.

"Okay," he said, his tone cautious. "I guess I'll see you later then."

"Maybe we can catch up on some homework tomorrow?" I asked hopefully, trying not to think about how much I wanted to spend the day here with him instead of going anywhere. If only life could be so simple as boys and homework.

"Sounds good," he smiled in reply.

I found myself gripping his shoulder and I got up. I squeezed it gently before leaving him. I wasn't exactly sure why I did that, but I supposed I just wanted to touch him.

Honestly, why did my hormones have to pick such an inopportune time to wake up? Then again, considering the last few years… had there ever been a good time? It had certainly never been a good time with Ron. But then I'd never really felt _this _for Ron. I'd wanted him more for affection than anything else. I hadn't found myself staring at his lips. I had never really wanted to lock him in a room and...

_Okay, _not_ the time to go down that road..._

I made an effort to put Severus out of my mind as I slipped into a vacant classroom and donned the invisibility cloak that Alek had given me before heading out toward the gate. It wasn't nearly as nice as Harry's – James's – but it would get the job done if I was careful. It occurred to me that the Marauders would probably have their map, and that would render my cloak completely pointless. I could only hope that none of them were using it to keep tabs on me as I stepped outside the Hogwarts wards.

Alek was leaning against the wall next to the gate.

"Is it safe?" I asked quietly.

His eyes flashed up, searching the air around me. "It's never safe," he mumbled quietly. "You should know better than that. Take my arm."

I stepped forward and closed my hand around his elbow.

He turned to grasp my arm and his other hand found my shoulder, then he twisted sharply and the suffocating blackness of apparation enveloped us.

My hand automatically went to my wand as we arrived and I searched the area, my eyes falling on the only other occupant of the dimly lit sitting room.

He was just lowering his wand from where he'd evidently trained it on us upon our arrival. He was tall and strongly built with broad shoulders, a flat stomach, and neat, short-cropped blond hair. He was probably around thirty, his eyes a dark brown beneath a prominent brow. He had a few visible scars on his face and hands, but not even remotely what he'd have in the future. It was almost impossible to believe that this man was Alastor Moody. He certainly hadn't earned the nickname "mad-eye" yet.

"Show yourself, girl," he said gruffly, and I smiled slightly. Now he seemed a bit more like I'd expected.

I obligingly removed the cloak and watched Alastor's brow draw down, his lips twisting into a frown as his eyes scanned over me. Finally, he looked at Alek again. "This is the witch you told me about?" he asked distastefully. "What secrets has she got worth hiding? Which boy she wants to snog?"

Alek opened his mouth, but I knew I wouldn't get anywhere with Alastor if I let someone else speak for me.

"What were you expecting, sir?" I inquired. "I know that Alek told you that I was a student, so my age cannot be the issue. Would it help if I was uglier? Perhaps if I had a few more visible scars?"

Alastor returned his frown to me and it deepened with every word. He took an ominous step closer to me, making his greater height a larger advantage. "Do you expect to impress me with your insolence, girl?" he growled threateningly.

"You can belittle my age and my height all you want, _sir_, but we've all taken time out of our lives to be here today. Perhaps you would deign to hear me out before passing judgment?"

Alek's chuckle broke our stand-off. Alastor took a step back and we both looked at the older man.

"Satisfied?" he asked Alastor.

The surly auror just grunted in response and moved to sit in one of the worn, dusty chairs.

Alek took a seat and I followed suit.

"My grandfather tells me that you want me to take an Unbreakable Vow, and then teach you Occlumency," Alastor said brusquely once we were all seated. "I'm really wondering why I'd want to do that."

"Well, I admit that I don't have much of material value to offer you," I started. "I am quite certain, however, that you are interested in seeing Voldemort destroyed."

His eyes narrowed when I said the name aloud. "So you're offering to kill him for me?" he huffed.

"I'm in a position to help bring him down," I corrected, not rising to his goading. "I have secured myself a position of influence within an organization called the Order of the Phoenix. A group presided over by Albus Dumbledore himself with the sole goal of destroying Voldemort and his organization."

"Did Albus not swear you to secrecy?" Alek interrupted, sounding alarmed.

I couldn't help but smile a little and I turned my attention to him. "Not in any way binding."

His eyes widened. "Why?"

"Well, it would make it rather difficult for me to recruit anyone if I couldn't tell them about the Order," I reasoned.

"Albus trusts you that much?" he wondered.

I chuckled blackly, "I very much doubt that Albus truly trusts anyone besides himself. Therefore, he trusts his impression of me. He trusts that he is not mistaken about my dedication to the Order. He knows that there is nothing more important to me than seeing Voldemort dead. In that, he is right."

I turned my attention back to Alastor, who was watching me with a calculating eye now.

"If Albus ever discovers exactly how little faith I have in him, my position will be lost along with my freedom, my will, and very possibly my life. I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to destroy Voldemort. Does anyone here truly have faith that Albus will do the same? He defeated Gellert Grindelwald in a fair duel, but he has never faced Voldemort in the thirty years since he was his professor at Hogwarts.

"I will not pretend to understand the machinations of that man's mind, but neither can I fully trust that he has no ulterior motives involving the Dark Lord. I know secrets Albus would exploit to his own gain. That Voldemort would slaughter a _nation_ to acquire. So, yes, I will require an Unbreakable Vow before allowing you access to any of them. Help me to protect them, Alastor, and I will fight Voldemort to my last breath."

He stared at me for a long time before looking at Alek again. "You know these secrets?"

Alek nodded, "Some of them."

"Are they what she says?"

"I believe they are," he replied grimly.

Alastor looked at me again. "This Order of the Phoenix. If I'm going to be helping you, I want to join. You said that you recruit for it. Could you recruit me?" he inquired.

I shook my head, "Albus has charged me with recruiting students. It would be suspicious if I recruited you." I looked at Alek. "Has Albus asked you about Alastor yet?"

He shook his head.

"Well, don't bring it up. It'll just make him suspicious. I'm certain he'll raise the matter soon without our prompting."

"What makes you think that?" Alastor wondered.

"He's already recruited Alek," I reasoned. "I know that he's focusing largely on Ministry officials, particularly aurors. Anyone with strong reason to oppose Voldemort. While your family is pureblood, you've been cut and dry aurors for too long to be swayed by the likes of Voldemort and his followers. I'm quite certain you're already on his list."

"Why is he recruiting students?" Alastor pressed.

"That was my suggestion," I admitted. "Only seventh years, and one sixth. They'll do well to bolster the Order's ranks after graduation."

He tilted his head and studied me. "If it was your idea, how did you become involved?"

"I went to him," I said simply. "The how and why of that, I cannot explain until you've taken the Vow. I can tell you that Albus is aware of the nature of my secrets, some of which I have divulged to him, and that is the basis of my rather unique position within the Order."

Alastor leaned back in his seat and his fingers drummed a rhythm on the arm of his chair while he considered. Finally, he sighed and shook his head, looking at his grandfather. "You really think it's wise to put the fate of the war in the hands of this kid?" he demanded.

Alek looked at me sadly. "I don't think she's been a kid for a long time, Alastor. She's smart, cunning, and a fast learner. And I trust her a lot more than I trust Albus. I'd never have brought her here if I didn't think this was the best choice."

Alastor grimaced like he tasted something foul, but he nodded. "Let's get this done then," he sighed as he rose, extending his right hand toward me.

I gripped it while Alek drew his wand.

Alastor committed himself to the same Vows that Alek had, but then presented one of his own. "Hermione Wilkins, will you vow to fight the dark wizard known as Lord Voldemort to your last breath by any means available?"

I stilled and clenched my jaw a moment, then heaved a deep breath, and responded, "I, Hermione _Granger_, vow to fight the dark wizard known as Lord Voldemort to my last breath by any _reasonable_ means available."

The bright red cable of magic wound itself between our wrists and I felt my chest tighten, my heart clench, and my blood heat as the magic bound me to my vow.

Alastor released my hand and scrutinized me with narrowed eyes. "Reasonable?" he demanded.

I nodded, my jaw firm. "I refuse to bind myself to a vow that could, and likely _would _result in me becoming as ruthless as the man we are trying to destroy. I will sacrifice my own life if necessary, but I will not promise to sacrifice the lives of others."

He continued to stare at me a moment longer and I fancied he was trying to decide if I was being honorable or naïve. Part of me wondered the same thing.

"Granger?" Alek asked.

I cleared my throat quietly. "My real name," I admitted. "It seemed prudent to change it. Albus is the only other one who knows it."

The older man smirked approvingly, while the younger frowned.

"Well, you've now bound me to secrecy with a Vow that not even the Wizengamot could circumvent. Tell me what I've signed on for."

~.~.{o}.~.~

I made it back to the school just before curfew, covered myself with the cloak, and hurried down to the dungeons. I collapsed into my bed at once. After giving Alastor the basic overview of my past that Alek had gotten, the Occlumency lessons had begun.

I'd never experienced anything so grueling in my life. Which was really saying something, come to think of it. I now had much more sympathy for what Harry had gone through trying to learn this from Professor Snape.

Severus. Ugh, I did not need to think about him.

I forced my mind to clear and gave into my exhaustion.

~.~.{o}.~.~

In the morning, I drug myself up to breakfast about twenty minutes before it ended, sitting down just as Severus was getting up to leave. He sat down again as I started filling my plate. I ate with considerably more appetite than normal. Occlumency was really draining, and not just on the mind.

"Did everything go okay yesterday?" Severus asked after a few minutes.

I nodded, swallowing down my latest mouthful so that I could speak. Gods, I felt like Ron the way I was shoveling food into my mouth. At least I had the decorum to not talk with my mouth full. "As well as I expected," I answered before taking another large bite.

"You still want to study today?" he asked several bites later.

I nodded again.

"Where do you want to start?" he wondered.

I cleared my mouth so that I could speak. "How about Arithmancy?" I suggested. "I think I need something relaxing this morning."

He smirked at that. "Sounds good."

Studying with Severus was remarkably relaxing by itself. We fell into a familiar rhythm and it was like the last week never happened, especially the awkwardness of Saturday morning. We worked all morning and continued after lunch.

After dinner, I excused myself so that I could get some solo practice in. My progress with my magic was not proceeding nearly as quickly as I'd have liked. Most of the truly useful spells still eluded me.

I left Severus at the table and was just leaving the Great Hall when I saw Regulus standing alone in the empty corridor, his attention on his bag where he seemed to be looking for something or arranging something.

My heart stuttered as I saw the chance I'd been looking for. I quickly glanced up and down the hall to make certain that we were alone, then moved toward the younger Black quickly. He was just noticing me when I reached him. I grabbed his shoulder and quickly shoved him into an unused classroom, closing the door behind us.

"I just want to talk, Reg," I said quickly as he spun on me with his wand drawn. He had decent reflexes, even if they hadn't helped him out in the hall.

"Why?" he asked suspiciously. "You haven't had one word to say to me all year."

I nodded toward his left wrist. "I don't approve of the company you keep."

His face reddened a bit. "Then what do you want now?" he snarled.

"To offer you an alternative," I admitted. "I know that the Dark Lord is not a kind master. I also know that he likes to hurt people, and I don't think that you do."

He swallowed hard, looking extremely wary.

"You don't have to say anything," I assured him. "Just listen for a moment. There are some people opposing the Dark Lord. Powerful people. That mark means that we can't protect you from him – not completely – but we can help you. We can train you to make you safer, better able to deal with him. We could use your help to fight him. Your knowledge of his organization, your observations of his movements."

"You want me to turn spy on the Great Lord?" he gasped, looking like he was about to be sick.

"I'm only asking you to consider the possibility, Reg. You don't need to make a decision right now, nor even this month if you're not ready. Just keep it in mind. If things get bad." I palmed one of Dumbledore's enchanted knuts and offered my hand to Reg, as if to shake.

He stared at it a moment, the knut invisible from his view. Finally, he switched his wand to his other hand and clasped mine. "I'll think about it. No promises," he said severely.

"Phoenix," I said quietly.

He looked at me strangely, then twitched when he must have felt the enchantment take effect. He jerked away from me and lifted his wand again. "What was that?"

"I apologize. It is only a precaution," I said cautiously, damnably aware of the fact that I was next to helpless against him considering the issues with my magic. That was part of the reason that I was able to keep from gripping my wand. There didn't seem a whole lot of point. "It will prevent you from sharing this conversation with anyone else. Anyone at all," I added meaningfully.

He swallowed hard, then averted his eyes and left the room at a pace just short of a jog.

I sighed once he was gone and propped myself against a table, burying my face in my hands. It had been a while since I'd felt so concerned for my immediate safety – at least when I was faced against someone my own age, much less someone younger. I was just glad that my Gryffindor courage still seemed to function when it counted. I wasn't sure what Reg would have done if I'd let him see the fact that I was actually afraid of him, but I didn't think that it would have been good.

That dueling class on the first day of Defense had been my saving grace more than once. It had gotten around the school very quickly that I was someone you didn't want to duel, which was a great thing, considering that I was no longer much of a threat.

~.~.{o}.~.~

I finally managed to corner Frank and Alice the next morning. They weren't quite sure what to think of me when I interrupted their snogging in a hidden corridor, but they listened mostly in silence while I explained to them about the Order and told them that Dumbledore wanted them to join. Invoking the name of the headmaster seemed to be the deciding factor as they both relaxed considerably upon the assurance that this was all coming from the headmaster rather than some Slytherin that they barely knew anything about.

They told me that they'd think about it, but I suspected that they just didn't trust me.

The next day, Dumbledore informed me through the journal that they had been to see him that morning and agreed to join. He actually congratulated me on my recruiting skills. That left a bitter taste in my mouth considering what I was getting all of these people involved in – what might happen to them because of me.

* * *

**Okay, now we're getting moving. Hopefully, in a good direction. Please review. Each one makes my life a little brighter. And makes me want to share more chapters with your lovely folks!**


	12. Slughorn's Party

**Author's Note:** Okay, so I know that this has taken forever. Honestly, I'm still not completely happy with it. I hope you're fonder of it than I've come to be.

Special thank you to **pamplemousse39** for taking the time to read and offer suggestions on this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter XII – Slughorn's Party**

Slughorn's Halloween party was on the eve of the holiday since the primary party would otherwise interfere. Considering my almost perpetual exhaustion and irritation of late, the very last thing that I wanted to do was attend a party, particularly one with Slughorn's awful Slug Club. Unfortunately, a ringing in my ears at breakfast had led me to find a note in my journal instructing me to do that very thing.

_-Be sure to attend Professor Slughorn's party this evening, Miss Wilkins. For all the man's faults, he does have a talent for gathering those worth knowing. Get to know them.-_

That was why I found myself standing in front of a full-length mirror in my room, cursing at my reflection for a third failed attempt at casting an unfamiliar cosmetic charm. Fearful of ending up caked in makeup if I tried the charm while I was so frustrated, I started pacing the room, eyes half-lidded, taking slow, deep breaths and thinking of the previous week when I'd been in Severus' arms, as relaxed as I could possibly be.

When I felt that I had calmed enough, I returned to the mirror, carefully read the charm, and did my best to feel my way through the stubborn magic. I pointed my wand at my face and completed the charm utterly perfectly.

A flash of sparks and glitter shot right into my eyes.

I screamed in frustration and hurled my wand across the room before tearing the journal out of my bag and breaking my quill in my haste to liberate it. With a rapid stream of epithets which I'd once considered myself above, I found another quill, taking a little more care to avoid covering myself in ink as well as glitter.

_-I cannot attend this ridiculous party. It is impossible to complete my costume-_

I stopped and crossed the words out heavily before pacing my room a few more times. I couldn't be careless, no matter how furious I was. Not with Albus.

When I stopped seeing red, I tried again.

_-I regret to inform you that I cannot see how to attend Professor Slughorn's party given that I have been unable to work the necessary cosmetic charms to complete my costume. Please advise.-_

I retrieved my wand irritably from where it had fallen behind my bed, then paced the room a couple more times before Albus replied. I hurried over to open my journal again.

_-Go to Professor McGonagall's office.-_

I hadn't realized that Professor McGonagall knew any cosmetic charms, but I assumed that she could figure them out pretty easily. I tucked the books I was using into my bag, then paused to vanish the stupid glitter – vanishing charms I had gotten pretty good at – and covered my costume completely with my school robe before heading out.

Trying to convey that I did not have a bee firmly wedged into my bonnet, I paced swiftly through the common room and trotted up the stairs to the office of my former head of house. I knocked briskly and the door was pulled open almost immediately by my stern-faced professor. She moved back from the door so I took the invitation and stepped inside.

"What costume are you attempting to achieve?" she asked as soon as the door was closed.

I quickly fished out the book with the picture that I wanted and showed it to her. She looked it over critically, then looked me over with the same scrutiny. "Well, let's see how far you've gotten. Off with the robe," she commanded in her typical brisk, no-nonsense manner.

I complied readily.

Shaking her head and muttering under her breath about foolish parties, foolish holidays, and foolish students, she set to work on me. I think I even caught something about foolish potions' masters in there somewhere, but I shrewdly chose not to comment. Though I trusted Minerva McGonagall about as much as anybody, it was still and effort not to flinch when her wand occasionally swept up toward my face.

After more than half an hour of trying to stand perfectly still while my Transfigurations professor gave me a Halloween makeover, she finally transfigured a small table into a standup mirror and motioned me toward it.

I turned around and my jaw dropped. The result was many times more impressive than anything I'd actually been going for. My dress was now seaweed green and hung down my body in asymmetric layers that clung to me as if it was soaking wet though it felt dry and wasn't any heavier than the simple dry fabric should be. The ragged edges made it look worn and ripped up though it remained perfectly modest. My hair matched that theme. The curls were stretched down as they were when wet and sleek-looking. My eyes had been charmed from the normal brown to a deep violet-blue. Every inch of visible skin was covered with glittery blue with my fingernails and lips being darkened almost to match my eyes, which were ringed in a color that did match perfectly.

"Wow," I breathed in astonishment. "Professor, this is truly amazing. This is so much more than you had to do. Thank you. Truly."

She cracked one of her rare small smiles in response. "The charms will wear off when you submerge yourself in water, so take a bath after the party and you'll be back to yourself."

I was glad she hadn't set them to wear off at midnight or something. There was no telling when this party would break up. And that would be way too Cinderella.

"Now you'd best be going. I'm sure you have a date waiting."

I huffed a laugh. "Not likely. The last thing I need to deal with tonight is some needy boy trying to keep me all to himself."

"You don't sound very excited about going," she noted curiously.

Apparently she hadn't been apprised of my "assignment" tonight. Well, if Albus hadn't told her, I wasn't going to. "Honestly I'd rather be back in my room with an interesting book," I admitted. "But I hear that hell hath no fury like a professor scorned."

I wasn't sure how she was going to take that, so I was surprised when she snorted in amusement. "Indelicate, but accurate. Well, no doubt it won't be all bad. Mr. Snape will be there, will he not?"

So evidently Albus wasn't the only one smirking about me and Severus being more than friends… I reined in my irritation and nodded, "Yes, he was planning to attend."

"Do you know if he had a date?" she asked far too innocently.

"I don't believe so," she said, trying to pretend like I didn't know exactly what she was insinuating.

"Well, at least you'll be able to keep each other company then," she allowed, still with the wide, innocent eyes.

"I'm sure," I nodded. "Well, I don't want to be too late." I started for the door.

"Oh, wait, dear! You'll freeze in that!" she said and quickly cast a warming charm on my dress. It would last for a few hours, I guessed.

"Thank you again," I smiled gratefully before slipping out and hurrying toward the party.

The party was already under way when I arrived. I'd only just walked in the door when every eye in the room seemed to gravitate toward me one by one. Well, I had chosen a Siren because I wanted to be noticed, I reasoned. No point blushing about it now. I put on my best smile and hoped that I was strolling gracefully as I proceeded into the room.

Severus wasn't difficult to pick out as he was the only one in the room wearing head-to-toe black. He was dressed as an Unspeakable, which was funny for two reasons. First, his entire costume consisted of a voluminous hooded black cloak over his normal clothes. Second, because Unspeakables did not wear uniforms, as that would be rather identifying, and I guessed that they most likely didn't dress like that either. It did look very nice on him though.

I looked at him just a second before he saw me and I watched his jaw drop as he took in my costume. I was glad that the blue on my cheeks most likely concealed my blush. I was just starting toward him when Slughorn caught me. Fighting a sigh, I smiled brightly and allowed him to introduce me around to his influential friends, repeating "brilliant" and "twelve OWLS" so many times that I wanted to snap his nose off.

Still, I had told Albus that I wanted to do more than feed him scraps of insight about the future. If I was going to keep doing that, I had to prove that I was capable of actually carrying out an assignment successfully. And I felt compelled to prove, if only to myself, that Alek's lessons had been learned. So let Slughorn's annoying voice fade into the background and paid attention to the people in the room that I was supposed to be "getting to know".

I highly doubted that the headmaster cared if I rubbed shoulders with the professional Quidditch player in attendance, but I wasn't going to do anything to disappoint, so I did my due diligence with him as well, trying not to go cross-eyed listening to him explain to me at length about some sort of flight maneuver that made no sense to me, all the while smiling and nodding and trying to "mmm" and "yeah" at the proper intervals.

After ten minutes of that, I was actually happy to see Slughorn when he showed up to wrap a pudgy hand around my arm and drag me toward a good looking man who appeared only a few years older than me. He was evidently a freshly minted auror. I barely withheld a reaction when the man lifted his goblet to his lips and his sleeve slipped just enough to reveal the bare edge of a brand that many in this time may not recognize at such slight glance. I most definitely did.

Despite my urge to get away from him as quickly as possible – ideally back to my own room – I did what I could to amp up my questionable supply of charm. This was most definitely the kind of person that Albus would want to know everything about. Either he was easy to please or my charm was better than I thought because he seemed to respond to it. We'd been alone in our conversation only a few minutes when he asked me to dance. While my brain was screaming _NO_, I did my best imitation of Lavender Brown and assured him that I would love to.

He pulled me closer than was really appropriate considering that we'd just met and his right hand was definitely lower on my hip than I felt comfortable with, but I went with it, hoping that my nausea didn't show. He didn't seem to notice if it did.

"You're a marvelous dancer, Mr. Greenwich," I said in what I hoped was a sultry tone after he'd spun me quite gracefully. He actually was a good dancer. Not that that endeared him to me by the smallest degree.

"Jasper," he corrected huskily.

"Jasper," I parroted. I was really starting to disgust myself.

"I was a Slytherin as well," he smirked.

_You don't say… _ "Really?" I battled my eyes at him.

"Really. So don't think you're fooling me, love," he warned, but he was still smiling.

"Whatever do you mean?" I asked innocently.

He spun me again, then pulled me back too quickly and caught me flush against his body. "I know a ladder climber when I see one," he whispered, his lips brushing my ear and giving me goose bumps of sheer disgust. "As tempted as I am, I'm afraid I don't have time tonight, sweet thing. Find me at the Ministry after you graduate and I just might take up your offer."

He released me right as the song ended, keeping hold of my hand long enough to plant a kiss across my knuckles with a perfectly sinister leer before leaving me feeling quite unsteady in the middle of the dance floor.

I swallowed hard and quickly worked to pull myself together as I left the floor.

"Having fun?" Severus asked somewhat harshly when I joined him near the punch bowl.

"Definitely not," I grimaced as I filled a cup with spiked punch and downed it in one gulp, restraining myself from pouring another as I feared becoming inebriated in this group.

"Wait, was that guy bothering you?" he asked, now sounding angry.

I shook my head, "It's a long story. I'll explain later," I promised, meeting his eyes.

He nodded warily.

"Hermione, you look positively sumptuous tonight," Lucius' voice intruded. Why did the man always suggest that he wanted to eat me? It was unnerving on a number of levels.

I grimaced and steeled myself before turning around to face the loathsome wizard. "Lucius," I drawled, letting my gaze trail over him. He was wearing dress robes but no costume. "You look…" I shook my head once, "…unfestive."

A lazy smile curled his lips, "But damn good," as though he was finishing my statement.

My ears picked that moment to start ringing. "Well, if you boys will excuse me, I think I'll visit the ladies'," I said mildly before brushing passed Lucius and making my way out of the room, careful to stay well away from Slughorn lest he latch onto me again.

I headed to the nearest girls' toilet where I'd stashed my bag and quickly dug the journal out.

_-I've just learned that there will be a Death Eater attending the party tonight. A young auror named Jasper Greenwich. Acquaint yourself with him.-_

I couldn't help but smile a little at being one step ahead of the old man for once.

_-Already done. He's offered to shag me at my earliest convenience, but I believe our interaction is finished for the evening.-_

I closed the book and leaned back on the toilet for almost a minute before my ears rang again.

_-Not to put too fine a point on it, Miss Wilkins, but that just may come in handy in the future. Well done. I think now may be a good time to attach yourself to a boy. Mr. Snape or the elder Mr. Black perhaps. There will be more possibilities such as Mr. Greenwich in the future. It would be to your benefit to at least appear attached lest you find your tactics being carried further than you wish. It is only a suggestion, but please consider it seriously.-_

I reread those words twice before I believed that he'd written them. He was telling me to get a boyfriend so I had an excuse not to have _sex _with people that I flirted with for the Order. "Bloody hell," I breathed. The worst of it was that I could see his point. If Greenwich had had "time"tonight, I'd have had a hell of a time talking myself out of it. Whereas if I appeared to have a date, it would be the perfect excuse to make empty promises for some future rendezvous.

_-I will consider it.-_

I sent that back, then disillusioned and stashed my bag again. I tried to compose my features into something other than shocked and frightened before leaving the restroom.

By the time I made it back to the party, I had formed something of a plan. I brushed passed Lucius where he was loitering near the buffet, evidently awaiting my return. I went directly to Severus and stepped right into his personal space, putting my lips near his ear. "Please just go with me on this," I requested just before Lucius descended on us again.

"Hermione, my sweet, you need a man who is willing to dance with you," he drawled.

I turned around, tucking my arm around Severus and leaning into his side. After just a beat of hesitation, his arm was draped across my shoulders.

"Hermione, would you like to dance?" Severus asked before I could respond.

I glanced up and studied his face, but he seemed to mean it. "Of course," I said with a sweet smile at Lucius as Severus took my hand and led me out to the dance floor.

"What are we doing?" Severus murmured as he put his hand on my waist and lifted our joined hands.

I drew myself closer to him as we began to dance. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, keeping my eyes on his. "I just need to appear to have a date tonight, and my only other option right now is Lucius."

"That's not an option," he frowned at me.

I smiled, "Please, don't make it look as though you're cross with me. People are watching."

His face softened even if he didn't smile. That was okay. He didn't smile that often unless we were at least relatively alone. No one would think anything of it. "Why do you need to pretend to have a date? Is it that idiot who you were dancing with?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"Hermione, just tell him to sod off. I'll go with you if you want."

"I can't do that. It's complicated," I reiterated. "I'll explain everything once we're out of here."

"So I'm pretending to be your date for the remainder of the party?" he questioned.

"If that's okay," I said hopefully.

"As though I would leave you to Lucius," he growled quietly without letting his displeasure show in his face.

"Thank you," I smiled. We danced for a bit longer before I said hesitantly, "If you moved your hand to my hip, it might be more convincing."

He looked at me with eyes that I couldn't read for once, and then his hand slid lower while he pulled me closer to him.

I did not have to fake my smile. Merlin, but he smelled wonderful. The warmth from his body was soaking into mine. It was all enough to leave me almost light-headed, though I did make an effort to keep my wits about me.

The song ended far too soon, and Slughorn intercepted us the moment we left the dance floor.

"Well, the two of you make a stunning couple," he chortled drunkenly. In fact, I thought I might be getting a bit of a buzz from his breath alone. "I didn't see you arrive together."

"My hair was taking forever," I said, rolling my eyes dramatically, "so I told Severus to go ahead of me." I twined my arm into his and leaned against him.

"My two best students. I knew from the first day that you'd come together," he said, wagging a chubby finger at us. "Come, come now. You must meet Ophelia. She's a potions' mistress. Owns the Bubbling Caldron Apothecary in Diagon. Splendid young woman…"

I rolled my eyes for Severus' benefit as I allowed the inebriated man to lead us across the room again.

The party lasted a relative eternity. I made sure that I was introduced to every guest that Slughorn had invited and I basically hung on Severus' arm the rest of the evening. The only redeeming factor of the whole event was that I got to dance with Severus two more times. He actually was an exceptional dancer, though I'm not sure why that surprised me. With natural grace like his, it would have been ridiculous for him to be anything else.

Lucius looked positively murderous each time, which was another high point for me.

Severus tried to entreat me to escape the party a couple times, but I regretfully told him that I could not. When the party at last cleared out, I told Severus that I would meet him outside, then closed the door, leaving Slughorn and I alone. Considering that he could barely stand, I wasn't sure there was much point, but Albus had reminded me earlier to speak with him, so I had little choice.

"Ah, Miss Wilkins," he slurred when he noticed that I was still in the room. "Did you need something, my dear?"

"The headmaster asked me to remind you about the Wolfsbane potion, sir," I commented.

His unfocused eyes narrowed. "He didn't tell me he had any students working for him."

"A few, sir," I nodded. "Have you received Mr. Damocles' notes on the potion?" I pressed.

He harrumphed irritably. "Yes, I have. A tedious potion to brew."

My eyes narrowed when I realized that he was putting it off. "Sir, the new moon is tomorrow night," I reminded him more harshly than was really proper. "If you don't start brewing the potion by then, it won't be ready in time for this cycle."

"I'm aware of that," he frowned. "I'll get to it if I have time."

"If you have-" I sputtered. "Sir, there is a seventeen year old boy that needs that potion!"

"Miss Wilkins, don't you preach to me," he said with an ugly sneer, his cheerful, doting manner evaporating instantly. "I get enough of that from Albus and Minerva. You can just run and tell your master that I don't appreciate him sending his new toy to-"

My anger mounted with every word he said as I kept my mouth tightly shut to avoid saying something that would be sure to get me detention. When he called me Albus' new "toy" though, my eyes widened in indignation and I was a heartbeat from snapping something entirely inappropriate when a surge of unintentional magic flared out of me and every piece of glass and crystal on the buffet table next to me shattered rather spectacularly.

Slughorn stopped talking mid-word, his eyes widening. "It'll be done. Now get out," he snapped, his eyes wary and his hand very near his wand.

I turned and left the room quickly, as much cowed by the idea of my professor drawing a wand on me as I was by my own unintentional magic. I hadn't done anything like that since I was ten. Severus took up after me when I passed him outside the room and followed me to the loo where I left him briefly to fetch my bag before leading him up to the Room of Requirement.

"Are you okay?" he asked while we climbed the stairs.

I nodded stiffly.

"Did I hear something break in there with you and the professor?"

I nodded again.

He seemed to get the message that I wasn't going to talk and he stopped asking questions.

When we reached the Room of Requirement, I found the door already there. It looked like the door to the room in which I normally slept after nightmares.

"Wait here a moment," I bade Severus before stepping into the room.

It _was_ the room that I slept in, and Sirius was in there as I'd expected. I had not expected to find him sprawled across the bed snogging some poor girl to within an inch of her life. Not that said girl seemed to be in any way upset about it.

"Sirius, I need the room. Out!" I barked irritably, finally drawing his attention.

He looked at me with puffy lips and dreamy eyes. "Don't worry, love. You can be next," he winked, to which his "date" giggled and slapped at his arm.

I drew my wand. "Out!"

"Fine, love. Fine," he relented, dragging a now-pouting girl along with him. I thought I recognized her as a Ravenclaw from my Charms class. And they were supposed to be smart…

I followed him back out of the room and the door vanished behind us.

Sirius immediately stopped and frowned at Severus. "Hey, now," he said, looking at me again. "How come you get to use the room to snog and I don't?" he demanded.

"Because you don't want to spend the night in the hospital wing covered in boil remover!" I growled at him, waving my wand menacingly.

He hopped back away from me and put himself between me and the Ravenclaw. "Point taken, love. Point taken. We'll just be on our way then." His gaze trailed over to Severus and he muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "No accounting for taste," before slipping away.

I shook my head grumpily and started pacing, summoning my training room out of habit as much as actual desire.

Severus followed me inside. He didn't say anything for a few moments after the door closed, and then, "So you're _not_ with Sirius?"

I turned to blink at him in surprise. I might have expected just about any other question. "Merlin, no!" And then I realized why he might think that. "Oh, we were not going off to snog that day!"

Gods, had he been thinking that I was with Sirius for the last three weeks?

"Oh," he said uncertainly.

"We were talking about the Order," I explained.

"_He's_ a member?" he said distastefully.

I nodded.

"And his friends?"

"I haven't heard back from them yet, but James and Remus have been invited to join, yes."

"You talked like this was serious. Why would they be involved?"

I sighed, "Look, I know they're juvenile, but they're also talented and powerful. Given the right instruction…" I shrugged. "They have potential."

He frowned pensively. "I've been thinking about your offer," he admitted quietly before sitting down on the sofa against the wall. "I think I'd like to join, but if I'm going to have to deal with those three…"

"They won't bother you," I promised sincerely. "Not when we're doing anything related to the Order."

"They _always _bother me," he countered.

"Do you trust me?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course," he said without hesitation, which was gratifying.

"Then trust that I will deal with them," I implored.

He sighed. "Yeah. All right."

"Then you'll join."

He nodded.

I smiled wide and plopped down next to him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. "Thank you, Severus. I cannot begin to tell you what this means to me." For the first time since meeting Severus in this time, I felt confident that he would never become a Death Eater. I could have sung with joy.

"Um, will you tell me what tonight was about now?" he asked warily.

I drew away from him, "Yes, I just have to…" I accio'd my journal out of my bag and hastily scribbled a message.

_-Prof. Slughorn will begin potion tomorrow. Snape will join Order. I will ask about the attachment you mentioned.-_

I snapped it closed and dropped it back into my bag before facing Severus again. "Okay. What did you want to know?"

Severus thought for a moment. "What was going on with you and that auror?"

I grimaced. "He's a Death Eater."

"What?" he gaped. "That does _not _explain why you were hanging all over him."

"Dumbledore asked me to… get to know him. For the Order."

That seemed to be the last thing he was expecting. "He told you to _flirt_ with a Death Eater?"

"He told me to get acquainted with him. Flirting seemed like my best avenue under the circumstance."

"But he's a Death Eater! After what happened to your parents…"

I grimaced, "I know, Severus! Do you think that I enjoyed it? It was all I could do to not physically attack him."

"Is this the kind of thing the headmaster expects of us?"

"Severus, this is war," I said plaintively. "And we are Slytherins. Subterfuge is rather our forte."

He seemed to be considering that for quite a while, during which time I paced.

"What happened after you were alone with Slughorn?" he finally asked.

I felt my cheeks heat. "I was just reminding him about a potion that he promised to brew for Dumbledore."

"Why?"

I shrugged, "I really have no idea why Dumbledore thought he needed me to do it, but he asked, so I did." I had actually given that some thought, though I wasn't going to mention my theories. My best guess was that Dumbledore either wanted to see if I would do it, see how Slughorn reacted, or to see how I handled being asked to take on such a role with one of my professors. No doubt he also wanted Slughorn reminded. Dumbledore never did anything for only one reason in my experience.

My statement seemed to hit Severus hard. "So we're just soldiers following orders."

"Sirius and his ilk may simply be following orders," I corrected darkly. "I won't follow anyone blindly."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not safe to talk about it now," I decided. I didn't think that even Albus could spy on the Room of Requirement when I had specifically asked for a room that prevented such a thing, but I didn't want Severus burdened with my mistrust just yet. The Severus of my time I would not have been concerned for, but this younger man was an entirely different story. He at least needed some time to adjust to the idea of being in the Order before I confessed that I didn't trust the man we were following.

He looked concerned by my evasion, but he did let it go.

"Okay, I need to ask you something," I sighed, unable to put it off any longer.

"All right," he said warily.

"What we did tonight… pretending to be together…"

He now looked fully concerned.

"Is there any way that you would consent to making it more permanent?" I asked quickly.

He stared at me blankly for a long moment. "You're asking me to be your fake boyfriend?" he checked.

I smiled sheepishly, "Yes. I suppose I am."

"Why?"

"For one, it would keep Lucius at bay," I admitted, "and if it was known that we were in a… committed relationship, it could serve to protect me from… Well, other unwanted attentions."

He thought about that for a moment, then nodded, "So when you need to flirt with the enemy, you have an excuse to stop it."

I grimaced. "Severus, if this is too much for you, you don't have to do it. I know that I'm asking a lot."

"I'll do it."

My eyes widened. "Really?"

"It's to protect you," he sighed. "I couldn't live with myself if you were… I mean, if _that _happened because I said no."

I studied him a moment longer. "Okay. If you're sure. And we can always 'break up' if you decide that you want to be with someone else. Sirius is a member of the Order. I might be able to convince him to do it. Or Remus, if he joins."

Severus paled, "Merlin, no! Don't trust Lupin, Hermione!"

I frowned, "I know that he's a werewolf, Severus."

His eyes widened and he leaned back a little as though to get a better look at me. "How…?"

"I've known a werewolf before," I said obscurely. "Once you know the signs, it's not difficult to spot. I'm actually surprised he's gone this long without being discovered, but that doesn't make him a bad person, Severus."

He looked like he fervently disagreed.

"It doesn't," I said firmly. "The werewolf that I knew was my teacher and my friend, Severus. You don't have to like Remus, but please don't hate him on account of something that is beyond his control."

His eyes softened. "Okay," he said quietly. "I still don't like him, but I'll try to… I'll try."

"Thank you."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather pretend to date Sirius?" he asked warily after a moment.

I laughed, "Definitely not. Aside from the way he would whinge about not being able to chase every skirt in the castle at his leisure, the man would enjoy the act far too much."

Severus studied me for a moment as though trying to decide if I was being honest.

"Really, Severus!" I complained. "That man is a dog if I have ever seen one."

His eyes narrowed at that and I nodded.

"Yes, I know about him as well."

"Is there any secret in this castle that you haven't learned in two months?" he demanded incredulously.

"Well, clearly I wouldn't know if there was," I laughed.

He rolled his eyes.

"Okay," I said briskly, standing again. "I need to wash off this glamor. Would you mind waiting for me so that we can go back to the common room together?"

"So everyone will think we snuck off to snog, as you conveniently allowed Sirius to believe."

I blushed. "That was presumptuous. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he sighed. "He probably would have believed that regardless of what you said. I'll wait."

"Thanks," I smiled gratefully before hurrying behind the screens in one corner and filling the tub. When it was full, I submerged myself almost gleefully and dunked my head all the way under. I remained there until my lungs were screaming for air before coming up to find the glamor gone, as promised.

I didn't allow myself to soak for too long, aware that Severus was waiting. I dried quickly and put my dress back on. It had reverted to the simple white sundress that it had been before the glamor. I then charmed my normal hairstyle and makeup before emerging. I mussed my hair roughly and pinched my lips together hard for a few seconds before looking at Severus. "Good?" I asked, hoping that I looked like I'd been snogging.

His eyes settled on my hair, then fell to my lips. He swallowed hard, then nodded. "Yep."

I stepped into him and reached up to give his hair the same treatment I'd just given mine. I was amazed by how very silky it was, but I really did try not to dwell on that. "There's no way I'd leave your hair looking so pretty," I smirked at his surprised expression.

I gathered up my bag and slung it over my shoulder before draping my arm around Severus' waist. "Ready?"

He took a deep breath, then nodded.

"Just follow my lead," I suggested, since he looked nervous.

"Yes, dear," he sighed and I chuckled before opening the door. It was well after curfew, but we made it all the way down to the first floor before we encountered anyone.

I heard footsteps nearing us from a connecting corridor ahead and I shoved Severus behind a tapestry into one of the hidden staircases. I reached out to still the tapestry, then put my finger across his lips as he had started to say something. I looked at him meaningfully and he nodded.

I recognized the brisk footsteps as those of Professor McGonagall and I prayed that she would turn the other way toward her office rather than coming toward us. I had no doubt that we'd both end up with detention if she found us in this position, looking so much like we'd been snogging in a hidden corridor after curfew.

I didn't move until I heard her office door close at the other end of the hall.

"Good reflexes," he said in a bare whisper as we started off again.

I smiled at him and we snuck past the Transfiguration office without incident, rushing down to the dungeons without we ran into anyone else.

When we reached our common room, I tucked myself back under his arm and looked up at his frowning face. "Do try to look happy, Severus," I advised. "We're supposed to seem as if we've been enjoying ourselves."

He managed a small smirk and I figured that was as much as I'd get. I gave the password and we entered the common room to find several students still up, including Lucius and Narcissa, who were sitting on opposite sides of the common room, evidently ignoring each other. Her eyes widened at the sight of us while his narrowed.

I ignored them and headed toward the hall to my room, where I stopped and faced Severus. "Goodnight," I said quietly, standing on my toes to brush a kiss across his cheek. I ran my hand lightly through a few strands of his hair near his ear, then turned and hurried to my room.

I dropped my bag immediately after entering the room and threw myself across my bed, burying my face in my pillow. Why did everything have to be so bloody complicated? I'd just barely started to realize that I liked Severus and now I was pretending to be his girlfriend? I was going to have to take pains to remember that it was an act.

Part of me wondered if it really had to be an act, but I scolded that part into silence. I had no idea if Severus liked me in that way, and I really couldn't risk alienating him right now. Not only did I need his help, I wasn't sure that my sanity would survive if I ruined our friendship. I didn't have time for a real romance anyway. This quasi relationship was probably as close as I was going to get. Maybe if we defeated Voldemort, or even if we managed to defeat him temporarily, like had happened the first time – well, in my time – then maybe I could consider something like that. But not now.

I repeated that sound logic in my head until I fell asleep.

I woke screaming a few hours later and draped myself in my school robes before staggering upstairs. The room was in use again and I prayed that Sirius was alone in there as I opened the door. It was dark but I peered carefully at the bed until I was certain that there was only one person in it, then fell onto the sofa and let the peace of this room take me back to oblivion.

* * *

**I really hope that was better for you than it was for me. Unfortunately, Severus' POV is in considerably worse shape, so I'm going to go see to that now. It ****_should _****but up at some point today (or in the next 12ish hours for those of you in not American time zones).**


	13. Seeds

**Author's Note: **Aleksander Moody rocks. Read on. I think you'll agree with me!

* * *

**Chapter XIII – Seeds**

"Morning, Sunshine!"

I had my wand trained on the source of the offending voice before my eyes had even focused.

"Easy, love," Sirius laughed quietly as he backed off to sprawl himself across an armchair.

I growled softly before tucking my nearly useless wand back into the sheath on my arm. "What have I told you about smiling in the morning, Sirius?" I groaned as I sat up. I had a headache again. I got them often when my nightmares ensured that I didn't get enough sleep. Headache draught would cure it, but it would be back in a couple hours as my body continued to demand more rest.

He laughed. The bastard. "So you and Snape," he said bluntly. "I honestly didn't see that coming. How can you deny me for two months and then go after… _him_?"

"You and I have different definitions of charm, Sirius," I yawned, going to the mirror that we now kept against one wall to cast my morning ritual of cleansing my mouth and fixing my hair and makeup. Removing the wrinkles from my robes had also become part of the ritual more often than not. While the magic required concentration, these familiar charms weren't too difficult for me anymore and I was able to manage them without arousing suspicion from my improbable roommate.

"Clearly," Sirius responded, shaking his head like he was completely bewildered. "You must go for the brainy ones, huh? I mean, I guess he has that. And you'd have all the free potions you wanted…"

I ignored him while he prattled on, clearly trying to justify the unjustifiable – the fact that any woman would choose any man over him.

"Hermione," his hesitant tone stopped me when I started for the door.

I turned back to him warily. I'd never heard that tone from him before. He looked a bit nervous.

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the floor for a moment before speaking again. "It doesn't bother you?" he asked kind of quietly.

"What?" I pressed carefully.

"Snape. I mean, he's… Don't hex me for this, but his reputation is pretty pathetic. You don't worry at all about what people will think of you and him?"

The urge to snap at him was strong, but he looked so uncomfortable that I forced myself to stop and examine what he wasn't saying. I was a Slytherin after all, and I was… Well, my training focused as much on reading people as anything else.

After a moment, I thought I knew what was really bothering the Gryffindor man-whore. It was a rather shocking revelation. "Sirius," I said warily, moving back to the sofa to sit across from him. I considered my response carefully. Blunt was not going to work here. I decided to keep this about Severus. At least on the surface.

"I know that most people don't see it, but Severus really is a good man. I care about him a great deal. He's… He's my best friend. There's nothing I wouldn't do for him," I explained quietly. "Next to that…" she shook my head, "What can it possibly matter what anyone else thinks of us?"

Sirius nodded thoughtfully.

When it seemed clear that he wasn't going to say anything else, I left him to his thoughts. I spent the walk down to the Great Hall wondering who it was that had the terminal ladies' man so smitten.

I plopped myself down a little closer to Severus than I usually sat, and rested my aching head against his shoulder.

"Good morning," he said a little stiffly.

"That's one opinion," I grudgingly agreed.

"Were you out all night?" he whispered.

"I went up to the Room of Requirement to sleep," I admitted, stifling a yawn.

"Why?" he asked warily.

I shook my head, "I'd rather not talk about it right now, if you don't mind."

He nodded slowly and a moment later his arm curled around me. To anyone watching, it would probably look like I was hung over.

I smiled and slid a little closer, trying to repeat last night's mantra about why we were only pretending. After enjoying the position for a few seconds, I sat up straighter and focused on eating.

I started slightly as my ears began to ring and grumbled under my breath while I fished out my journal and flipped it open.

_-I see that you've acquired the attachment we were talking about. Nicely done, Miss Wilkins. You will be attending the ball together tonight?-_

I looked up to find Severus looking at the book carefully. Of course the page would appear blank to him. As Dumbledore had bonded me to it with blood, only I could use it, even just to read what it said on a page.

"What is that?" he asked curiously.

"A gift from the headmaster," I said quietly. "I'll explain later."

He nodded and went back to his food.

I found a quill and ink and sent a reply.

_-Yes, sir.-_

I'd barely taken two bites when another message came. With a sigh, I opened the journal again.

_-I will give details of your assignment later. For now, just plan to be in Professor McGonagall's office at six-thirty with your costume in mind.-_

I scribbled another _yes, sir_ and closed the book again before dropping it safely into my bag and finishing my breakfast while Severus kept shooting furtive glances in my direction.

Since I would again be busy in the evening, I spent first period up in the Room of Requirement, going through the ever frustrating task of practicing my magic. Progress was ridiculously slow and some spells seemed beyond my reach entirely.

I was a bit apprehensive about going to Potions after what happened with Slughorn last night, but I didn't really have a choice. I decided to try to pretend like nothing at all had happened. With immense relief, I discovered that it seemed like Slughorn had chosen the same course of action.

Just when I was beginning to hope that he'd been drunk enough to not even remember it, he deducted twenty points from Slytherin for fraternizing in class because Severus had touched my back. Briefly. He then pretended not to notice all the wide eyes and gaping mouths directed at him for deducting bogus points from his own house – from his two favorite students, no less.

I cast Severus a sheepish glance and we made sure not to touch unnecessarily for the rest of the class.

The rest of the day proved rather more interesting than usual as Severus and I continued to act like an item while the rest of the school goggled at us and the rumors spread like Fiendfyre through the halls. Even the professors seemed to be looking at us meaningfully. I really tried not to notice.

Nothing more than significant looks came of my new "relationship" with Severus until I arrived at the Defense class for my lesson with Alek. He was sitting at his desk looking unusually grim when I closed the door behind me. He flicked his wand to erect the extensive privacy wards that always guarded our lessons.

"Have a seat," he instructed grimly.

I did so uncertainly. "Is everything okay?" I asked cautiously.

"I hear that you're dating Severus Snape," he said without preamble.

Had my guard not been up already, I would not have been able to suppress my shock at such a statement. Luckily, I never entered this room without my guard firmly up. Alek was always trying to get a rise out of me as he was trying to teach me not to let anyone ever do that. "Yes?" I said with only mild curiosity at his statement.

He leaned back in his chair and studied me. "Hermione, you know that I like you, but if you are using that boy for one of Dumbledore's schemes, I am going to lose a great deal of respect for you."

I fought my embarrassment with indignation. "I'm really not sure how my love life is any of your business," I frowned.

"It probably shouldn't be," he agreed mildly, "but I'm rather fond of Severus, so I've decided to make it my business."

"You're fond of him?" I asked with only mild curiosity rather than the bewilderment I was feeling.

He nodded, "He reminds me of myself when I was a boy. Intelligent but withdrawn. Just strange enough to not fit in. Bullied by pompous Gryffindors… You could say that I relate to him. So, tell me that your relationship is genuine. Do try to make it believable."

I took it by his general countenance that he was already aware it was not. Trying to lie at this point would be highly counterproductive. "Severus agreed to our arrangement," I said instead. "I've not concealed anything."

Alek's eyes narrowed at that. "Yes, I'm aware of that much. The boy is an abysmal liar."

"He's not that bad," I automatically defended, only realizing after the words were out that Alek would undoubtedly read into them. A retraction would have made it worse, so I just kept my expression neutral and waited for him to reply.

He let it go for the moment. "Hermione, I am not surprised that he agreed to this 'arrangement' of yours, as I doubt there is much he would refuse you."

I kept my mouth shut as the need to defend him rose again. I'd just be digging myself deeper.

"Have you stopped to think about what this situation must be doing to _him_?"

I racked my brain, but I could not understand what he meant by that.

Alek answered my expression rather than waiting for a verbal answer. "Please tell me that you're not ignorant of the boy's feelings toward you," he said tightly.

"He's my best friend," I said slowly, snuffing out that hopeful little voice trying to take root in the back of my mind.

"That may be, but he wants a lot more than that."

"Why would you say that?" I asked, hating it that I suddenly felt incredibly dense. Alek's expression was telling me that this was all painfully obvious.

"Well, firstly, because I was a boy once upon a time," he smirked. "I remember rather clearly the burn of unrequited love. That is what I saw in his eyes today when he spoke of you. Second… Hermione, I was a spy for thirty years, a good portion of those alongside Gellert Grindelwald himself. If I couldn't even spot a smitten teenage boy, I'd have died a long time ago."

I started to shift uncomfortably and forced myself to still. He made a very good point. If he believed that Severus had real feelings for me… Well, then it must be true, right? I mean, I'd thought that it was possible, but I'd been really reluctant to believe it. I tried to console myself with the knowledge that I probably would have noticed had I not been so close to the issue. It was just difficult to believe that Severus Snape, of all people, could really want me in that way.

Then I instantly began berating myself for allowing such ignorance just because my self-esteem was evidently not high enough. I needed to be more self-aware.

"I'm impressed," Alek's voice interrupted my thoughts.

I looked at him curiously.

"I can tell that I've inspired you to some form of revelation from what I've said," he explained. "But I can't tell the direction of your thoughts at all. What _are _you thinking about?"

"I've just realized that you're right," I admitted as neutrally as possible. "I should have noticed that. It was an inexcusable oversight. I'll be more objective from now on."

"I missed that," he muttered to himself, though his eyes were still trained on me.

I watched him warily. I'd just given something away, but I couldn't tell what.

"You share his feelings," he sighed.

Though it tried really hard to avoid it, I felt my cheeks heat with a blush.

He nodded as though I'd admitted it aloud. "Well, then. Forget I said anything," he smiled, rising from his chair and coming around the desk at last. "Today, we'll be working on personas. Even a polyjuice disguise is no more than skin deep. The way that you present yourself is vastly more important to both concealing your identity and adopting another."

I made a concerted effort to redirect all of my attention to the lesson. There would be plenty of time to think about Severus later.

At six-thirty, I knocked on Professor McGonagall's door and she welcomed me in rather more warmly than she had the night before. She was dressed in a traditional muggle witch costume, which I found enormously funny though I'd seen her wear something similar in my time. I complimented her on it without laughing and she thanked me before examining the picture I'd selected and setting to work on me.

By seven o'clock, I didn't recognize myself. Tonight, I'd chosen to dress as Wilhelmina Yorkshire, a present day – as in 1977 – witch singer that was popular with people my age. I'd found a picture of her in the Prophet and found her outfit pleasing enough to want to be seen in it. The multicolored dress looked something like a tye-dyed ball gown that had been ripped to shreds from the waist down. Of course it was prettier than that, with each uneven strip of cloth light and floaty around me in enough layers to keep me fairly well concealed, though Professor McGonagall did add a solid skirt beneath in a color that matched my skin and fell to about mid-thigh. To ensure modesty. The makeup was much heavier than I normally wore it, but it fit with the whole outfit. Thankfully, Professor McGonagall lowered the heels when I began to teeter, and a cushioning charm would hopefully prevent my feet from aching too much by the end of the night.

My hair was tied up near the top rear of my head and fell down my back to my thighs – almost twice my natural length and in as many colors as the dress, some clumps left curly and others straightened.

"Mr. Snape will be very impressed," she said quietly while I admired her work.

I tried to make my smile look pleased. "Thank you again, Professor," I said genuinely. "I never could have managed anything like this on my own."

"Well," she said briskly, "No doubt you could have… before. Don't worry, dear," she added quickly, "I am convinced that your… problem is only temporary. You are the brightest witch of your age that I have ever known. You'll get it sorted. Just be patient."

I swallowed hard and silently prayed that she was right.

After thanking the professor again, I left her office and stashed my bag in an empty classroom near the Great Hall. Since we were going as a couple this time, I found Severus waiting for me outside the Great Hall. He'd chosen a costume to compliment mine, so he was dressed as a bodyguard, which, funnily enough, consisted of solid black robes covered by a solid black cloak. The only real difference from the previous night's costume was the small band along the bottom hem of his cloak which matched the colors of my dress and the lack of a hood. His hair was tied back at his neck, a detail for which I seemed to have a particular weakness.

I took him in appreciatively. For all that black was the man's signature color – even in this time – it did look good on him.

"You look… very nice," he said uncomfortably as I joined him.

I couldn't help but think about my conversation with Alek as I smiled in return. The way he was looking at me… I really had been in denial, hadn't I? "So do you," I smirked.

"You ready?" he asked as I wrapped my arm around his.

"One moment," I requested quietly, closing my eyes and working to get my "game face" on. This was going to be a really long night. I needed to start working harder on my persona, not only for tonight, but in general. Based on Albus' orders tonight and last night, and Alek's lessons, I was beginning to see what it was that Albus wanted from me.

More grateful than ever for Severus' comforting presence at my side, I took a deep breath, and expelled my misgivings. "Okay," I said when I felt I was as ready as I could be.

Watching me uncertainly, he opened the door for me.

I left my insecurities behind and strode into the Great Hall with entirely fabricated confidence. I caught Dumbledore twinkling at us as I self-importantly walked right through the middle of the dance floor on my way to the drink table. I was a little surprised that people actually moved out of our way. It was truly amazing what could be accomplished with a little glamor and swagger.

Severus obediently fetched me a glass of punch without having to be asked and I smiled at him as he handed it to me, then tucked myself against him again, trying to remind myself to stop enjoying it so much.

Dumbledore joined us shortly, merely standing next to us and looking out across the dance floor. "Very well done, Miss Wilkins," he said quietly enough that only Severus and I would hear.

"Professor McGonagall did most of the work, sir. You should be complimenting her," I noted.

"She may have cast a few spells, my dear, but you have made it memorable," he twinkled. "Don't forget to socialize," he added before drifting away.

The music at Slughorn's party had been exclusively classical, but tonight was for the students and not a formal affair. I took a bracing breath when a Wilhelmina song began playing, and tightened my arm a bit around Severus. "Shall we dance?" I inquired.

"I'm not entirely sure that I know how to dance to this," he warned, but it wasn't a refusal.

"Just find a ballroom beat behind the music and pace us to it," I suggested.

He listened for a moment, then nodded and started to lead me onto the floor though I could tell by how heavy he was breathing that he was nervous. He didn't hesitate in resting his hand firmly on my hip this time, though he kept it high enough that we were unlikely to be scolded if McGonagall saw us. He pulled me almost flush against him and waited just a beat before he began leading us in a dance that I didn't know. He proved to be a good enough leader that I was able to able to pick it up in short order, and then I started to have fun.

I didn't realize until the song ended that we'd cleared a sizeable span of the dance floor as other couples moved back to watch. Surprisingly, he didn't lead us off the floor when the next song began, but moved us right into the next dance.

We ended up dancing three songs in a row before we returned to the drink table for refreshments. Though I'd had an enormous amount of fun, reality began to settle again almost immediately. I wasn't here to have fun and Severus was not really my date.

Still tucked beneath his arm, I lifted my face toward his ear. "Go to the loo."

"Excuse me?" he asked, clearly surprised by being ordered to the toilet.

"I need to mingle," I explained. "It will be easier without my bodyguard. Just keep your distance when you come back. I'll find you if I need you."

"Right," he nodded, then leaned down to press his lips against my forehead.

Before he could get away, I pulled him back and down to catch his lips with mine. I'd been thinking that people were going to get suspicious seeing us hanging off each other all the time but never even pecking on the lips. As soon as our lips connected though, I promptly forgot about thinking entirely.

His lips were so much softer than I had expected, and they didn't feel as thin as they looked. And he tasted like ambrosia. His tongue brushed my top lip and I returned the favor. Then his lips parted and I tasted his breath before his tongue found mine.

Just when I was in danger of forgetting that we were in the Great Hall surrounded by all of our classmates and professors – and that we weren't actually dating – my ears began to ring.

I drew away from Severus, biting my lip and smiling. "You stay here," I whispered. "I need to go check my journal." Before I could give in to the urge to kiss him again, I let go of him and sauntered my way back across the dance floor with a swagger than would have made Sirius proud.

I ducked into the classroom and took a slow, deep breath before finding my journal. I could not believe that it was possible for a kiss to be that good. It wasn't as though I'd never kissed anyone before, but it had never been anything like _that_.

I tried to focus on my journal.

_-Do try to stay focused, Miss Wilkins. Your act is very convincing, but there is still work to be done.-_

Well, that was enough to deflate my balloon. The old bastard clearly knew that I fancied Severus now. Just one more point of power he had over me. Just bloody fantastic.

I supposed that it was bound to happen eventually though. Dumbledore was too damn smart to expect anything else. I took a moment to compose myself, then returned to the dance.

Sirius accosted me almost immediately. "Where's your beau?" he smirked, his eyes clearly trying to undress me. The insecurity I'd seen that morning was so far gone that I could almost to believe it had been a dream.

"Around," I shrugged. "He's my date, not my child."

"Then I can steal you for a dance," he concluded.

"I am not nearly desperate enough," I said dismissively before strolling passed him only to almost run into Lucius, who had clearly stepped into my path intentionally.

"Your costumes just get better and better, my sweet," he purred. "It makes me wish Halloween came more often."

"Your persistence is admirable, Lucius," I drawled, "but I already have a date."

"He's not around now," he smirked. "Surely, I could steal you for one dance."

I pretended to consider it for a moment before relenting, "If you think you can keep your hands to yourself."

He smiled triumphantly. "Only if you're sure that's what you really want," he said as he took my hand and swept me gracefully onto the dance floor.

I caught sight of Sirius looking annoyed before a wash of bodies separated him from my view. It was nearly enough to make it worth it to dance with Lucius. Nearly.

"You know that Snape doesn't have a dime to his name," he commented as we danced. "In Malfoy manner, you would be treated as a queen, dressed in silk, and adorned in the finest gems."

As though a "half-blood" would ever be welcome in Malfoy Manor… "There is more to life than wealth, Lucius," I said dryly.

"Like love?" he asked drolly.

"Like power," I countered with a smirk.

That seemed to intrigue him. "And you are more impressed by Snape's power than mine?"

"You're power is not without merit," I allowed. "But I suppose I am more attracted to talent than inheritance."

"You're referring to his 'talent' in Potions," he assumed, annoyed.

"He will be a great potions' master. Particularly with the proper encouragement."

"If power is your poison, there are other ways to come about it," Lucius murmured as he drew me in closer to him. "Certain individuals that could provide it."

It was an effort not to grin at his taking my bait in leading the conversation exactly where I wanted it to go. "If you're speaking of the Dark Lord, I am not impressed," I replied, my tone bored.

"How can you not be?" he demanded with passion. "He controls more power than any wizard alive."

"Exactly," I purred. "_He _controls. I have no interest in becoming a puppet, nor in those who would." With that, I turned away and left him before the dance was over. I could have said more, but I had planted a seed. I needed to give it time to take root before going on. I didn't really think that Lucius could be recruited to the Order as there was not enough in it for him, but perhaps if I could turn him from Voldemort it would be enough to eventually make them enemies. I assumed that Lucius would either end up getting killed, going into hiding, or perhaps joining the Order simply as a means of destroying his enemy.

Regardless of what happened, it was worth a try. Lucius was a powerful wizard, but his family's fortune and influence were even more powerful. Affecting which party benefited from that, or even eliminating it as a factor, could make a significant difference in the war.

I returned directly to Severus to ensure that Lucius didn't try to follow me.

"What was that about?" he asked quietly as he wrapped his arm around me.

"Just planting seeds," I replied obscurely. "Have you seen Regulus?"

"No," he admitted after a moment. "Is that a problem?"

"Maybe not," I allowed. "It is interesting though."

"What else do you need to do tonight?" he asked after a moment.

"More of the same," I sighed lightly.

"The headmaster keeps looking at us," he said so quietly that I barely caught it over the music.

"Probably listening to us as well," I warned with a smile.

"Why?"

"Because he's nosey, I expect," I said with a glance toward the man. He wasn't looking at us now, but the mirth in his eyes suggested that he was in fact listening. I turned more fully toward Severus and tucked my arms around his waist. "I think I'm going to work my way through the Slytherin sixth and seventh years and see what I can see," I offered, gazing up at him in a way that might suggest our hushed conversation was of an intimate nature. "Most of the Gryffindors will come willingly enough, so I might start on the Ravenclaws next."

"What exactly are you doing?" he wondered.

"Just testing the waters, looking for sympathies and leanings. Gathering information for Professor Dumbledore to use later." I rose up onto my toes and kissed his lips lightly, forcing myself to ignore the way that it made my heart race when his large hands tightened on my hips. "Try to stay in sight so I can find you if I need you, but don't stare too much."

He cleared his throat and nodded.

I regretfully left him again, moving further down the hall to one of the buffet tables and munching on some finger food without bothering to collect a plate. I tried to keep my posture open and my expression pleasant so that I would seem more approachable while my gaze trailed around the room. I offered a slight smile whenever I caught someone more than glancing at me, and waited for my prey to come to me.

It wasn't long before I was approached by Dante Doge, a Slytherin from my year, who asked me to dance.

My feet were aching by the time the dance finally ended, and my brain felt… soggy. I was thoroughly exhausted by all of it. I tried to hide it as I had had it beaten into me that obvious weakness was just inviting trouble – Mad-Eye was always good for making such points. I knew that Severus could tell how tired I was though, because he was supporting a good bit of my weight all the way back to my room. I tried to leave him at the door, but he ignored me, muttering the password and escorting me all the way to my bed before helping me remove my shoes and tucking me in.

"You should stay for a bit," I slurred when he stood to leave.

He looked at me curiously.

"For appearances," I explained and he nodded. I watched him walk toward the sofa and then I was out.

~.~.{o}.~.~

"HARRY! NOOOOO!"

I curled myself into a ball on the bed, covering my head with my arms and sobbing while I waited for the horrible battle painted in my imagination to fade. I could still hear the screams of all my old friends as they were tortured and killed by Death Eaters and by Voldemort himself. And somehow, as always, it was all my fault. Because I hadn't been there to help them.

I don't know how long I cried before I became aware that I was not alone. It noticed his scent first, and then paid enough attention to realize that his arms were wrapped around me. Without stopping to wonder what he was doing in my room, I moved my hands from my own face to wrap around him and buried my face in his chest while I cried myself out.

I heard him crooning softly to me while his hands stroked my back slowly. "Are you okay?" he asked softly after I'd stopped sobbing. I was still having a hard time tempering the uncontrollable trembling.

"Yes," I replied, my voice just above a whisper. My throat was sore from my screaming.

"Does this happen a lot?" he ventured.

I nodded. "Almost every night."

His arms tightened around me. "This is why you sneak out to sleep in the Room of Requirement."

"It can prevent nightmares."

"Well then why don't you just sleep there in the first place?"

"Too stubborn, maybe," I said with a weak smile. "And I won't always be here where I can use it."

"What about dreamless sleep?"

"Every night?" I asked doubtfully. "I'd kill myself."

He nodded reluctantly. "I wish I had a calming draught, at least," he admitted as another round of tremors sped through my body.

"I'll be okay," I promised, then finally wondered, "Why are you in my room?"

"You told me to wait a bit," he said sheepishly. "I dozed off on your sofa."

"Sorry. I didn't know you were so tired."

"I didn't either," he admitted, resting his chin lightly on top of my head.

"Severus," I said hesitantly when my tremors had begun to subside.

"Hm?" he hummed without moving.

I bit my lip. I wasn't entirely sure what to say, but I felt like I had to say something. Comforting me when I was hysterical was starting to become a habit of his. "I…" my courage seemed to be hiding out after that nightmare. I sighed. "Never mind."

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**I will hopefully have Severus' side posted in the next 4 or 5 hours. You can review while you're waiting! *cough*hint*cough***


	14. Honesty

**Author's Note: **Okay, this chapter's a bit short, but very important. I'm sorry that it took so long to get this posted, but I wanted to make sure I had it just right. A big thank you to pamplemousse39 for helping me on this chapter. You're awesome.

_The italicized section at the start is a refresher from the last chapter as this one picks up directly._

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**Chapter XIV – Honesty**

_"Severus," I said hesitantly when my tremors had begun to subside._

_"Hm?" he hummed without moving._

_I bit my lip. I wasn't entirely sure what to say, but I felt like I had to say something. Comforting me when I was hysterical was starting to become a habit of his. "I…" my courage seemed to be hiding out after that nightmare. I sighed. "Never mind."_

"Hermione, what is it?" he asked gently, one of his hands rubbing small circles across my back.

I was glad that my face was concealed in his shirt as I worked to choose how to phrase this. "You're always there for me when I need you," I said, aware of how lame it was, but unable to come up with anything better on short notice. "I just… I appreciate it."

"Of course, I am," he said quietly. "You're my best friend, Hermione."

"And your fake girlfriend," I reminded him with a smirk.

He laugh sounded strained, "Yes. And that."

"What if…" Damn it, I knew there was a bloody lion in there somewhere! Hm, maybe I was trying to be too blunt. A more subtle approach… "Professor Moody knew that you were lying to him about our relationship today."

I felt him tense. "Really? I'll, ah… Is that going to be a problem? I mean, do we really have to fool Moody?"

I shook my head quickly, "No. He's a member of the Order."

"Really?" Now he sounded quite intrigued. "Well, I'll work on trying harder," he said after a pause.

Okay, subtle wasn't working. And I couldn't think of a way to subtly bring it up that wouldn't sound stupid. "Maybe we should stop pretending," I blurted before I could lose my nerve.

He was silent for a moment before leaning back enough to see my face.

I reluctantly sat up, facing him.

He nodded slowly, his expression grave. "Sirius may be a better choice," he said quietly.

I blinked, "What? No! That's not what I meant!"

Now he just looked confused. "Then, what did you mean?" he asked warily.

I was fighting a losing battle against a rising blush. "I _meant _what if I was really your girlfriend?" I said fairly evenly despite the blush.

He stared at me for a long moment as though he wasn't quite following. "You're saying… _Really_? As in… Really?" he stammered.

I nodded, ridiculously nervous.

"You really like me?"

I was sensing a theme. I clearly was not the only one with self-esteem issues. "Yes, Severus," I said, a bit exasperated. "I _really _like you. Romantically," I added, just in case that was his next question. My cheeks were flaming, but I was beyond caring at this point.

He took a moment to process that. "Then, yes," he said, his tone a bit distant. "Wait," he retracted suddenly, "You're not just doing this because I'm such a poor liar, right?"

I winced, "Even I am not that cruel, Severus," I said quietly. Did he really think me capable of that? With _him_?

"That's not what I meant!" he said quickly. "I'm sorry. That was really stupid. I'm just… It's just hard for me to believe. You… Well, I mean, you really think of me like that?"

I nodded pensively. "It wouldn't be easy. I… My life is so complicated that even I don't want to be a part of it. So I don't expect you to want it. And-"

"I do," he interrupted urgently.

"Really?" I asked warily.

He nodded fervently, "Yes, Hermione. I'm already in your life. I'm in the Order. I… Well, I wish you'd tell me more, I guess, but I…" he trailed off, studying me carefully. Finally, he lifted a hand, fingers brushing tentatively across my cheek.

I let my eyes drift closed as I leaned into his touch.

I started slightly when I felt his lips against mine, and he began to draw away instantly. I leaned into him quickly before he could get away. My hands threaded into his hair almost instinctively, preventing him from escaping.

I felt his arms coil around me, pulling me into his lap while his tongue grazed the seam of my lips. I willingly opened my mouth, and I couldn't hold back a small moan when his tongue met mine. His grip on me tightened in response to that little sound, and I adjusted myself so that our bodies could get closer together.

When I was straddling his lap, I became aware of just how much he was enjoying this. I felt a blush heat my face as his hands quickly moved to my hips, trying to create a little distance. I allowed him to slide me back and finally drew my lips from his.

"Sorry," he breathed, his forehead touching mine lightly.

I shook my head quickly, "Nothing to apologize for."

"So, ah… Just to clarify," he said after a moment. "We're together now? No more pretending?"

"No more pretending," I agreed.

"Exclusively?" he pressed warily.

"Definitely," I smiled, but it quickly became a grimace. "I mean, I may still have to, ah… You know, for the Order."

He was silent a moment, then I heard him swallow. "But just flirting, right?"

"Right," I assured him immediately.

"Okay," he sighed. "I can handle that. I guess. I mean, I know that you don't enjoy it either."

"Definitely not."

"Okay," he nodded.

I drew away from him enough to glance at my bedside clock. Just after three in the morning. "We should probably try to get some sleep," I suggested, awkwardly climbing off his lap.

I caught his hand when he got up, and nervously asked, "Do you want to stay here?"

He blinked at me in surprise. His eyes darted to the bed, then back to me.

"Just to sleep, of course," I added quickly.

"Of course," he nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

I climbed back into the bed, sliding under the covers to leave room for him.

He sat down with his back to me and took his shoes off before lying down with enough distance between us that we weren't touching.

I screwed up my courage again and slid closer to him. When he lifted his arm, I snuggled up next to him and rested my head on his chest. He settled his arm around me.

I think I meant to say something, but I was suddenly too comfortable. I didn't even realize that I was falling asleep until I woke to the chime of my alarm.

I quickly pushed myself up and leaned over him to silence it. And so I found myself draped over him. "Good morning," I blushed quietly, drawing back enough that I could bury my red face in his hair.

"Good morning," I heard him smile, his arms encircling me.

I relaxed against him, blissfully happy all of a sudden. That had been the first time I'd gone back to sleep in my own bed after a nightmare.

Conscious of morning breath, I suppressed the desire to kiss him, instead sliding across the bed to get out at the far side. I stretched my delightfully languid muscles before going to the small mirror next to my bookshelf to begin casting my morning ritual. I heard Severus mumbling some spells as well.

By the time I turned around, he'd made the bed and his robes and hair looked fit for the day. I took a moment to appreciate just how stunning he looked. He wasn't handsome in the traditional way like Lucius and Sirius, but he was an incredibly striking young man. The intensity in those beautiful, impossibly dark eyes alone made him so much more than Sirius or Lucius would ever be.

He shifted slightly, "You're staring," he said uncomfortably.

"Sorry," I smiled, crossing the room to slide my arms around his neck. "Just appreciating the view."

He turned his face away from me, but I could see his frown, "Hermione, you don't have to… I mean, I know I'm not all that much to look at…"

"Severus Snape," I admonished, moving one hand to his chin to turn his face back to me. "You have a girlfriend now," I smiled, "and it just so happens that your girlfriend enjoy looking at you very much." I ran my knuckles lightly over one of his fine cheekbones, continuing back to brush his hair away from his face.

Finally, I settled my eyes again on his, then leaned up to kiss him lightly. "Very much," I whispered significantly.

He smiled tremulously before pressing his lips to mine again. "I won't argue then," he smirked.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and tightened my arms around him. "I could stay here all day," I admitted happily.

"I could too. Of course, we might get pretty hungry," he said with a smile in his voice as he squeezed me lightly.

"Good point," I sighed.

"You know what everyone's going to think, me coming out of your room in the morning like this," he said hesitantly as I started to draw away from him.

"I really don't care," I smirked.

He studied me carefully, "You really wouldn't care if the whole school thought we were… shagging?"

"I really wouldn't," I confirmed. "Honestly, half of them probably think as much anyway. Now, let's head to breakfast before we're late."

I led him out of my room with my hand in his. There were only two people in the common room. A pair of third-year boys who stared at us with wide eyes, but didn't say anything.

I ignored them.

We'd nearly reached the Great Hall, hands still linked, when I realized that we weren't alone in the apparently empty corridor. Whether it was a huff of breath or the scrape of a shoe that alerted me, I'm not sure, but I dropped Severus' hand to draw my wand immediately.

I zeroed in on movement ahead and to the left and found Regulus leaning out of the vacant classroom that I'd shoved him into the last time.

I lowered my wand warily.

"Can we talk?" he asked quietly with a glance at Severus.

I nodded. "I'll meet you in the Great Hall," I told him quietly.

He glanced quickly at Regulus, then nodded.

I watched him disappear through the doors head before following Regulus into the empty room. I cast a _muffliato_ before he could speak, very glad that I'd finally managed to master that spell again.

"I'll take your offer," Regulus said quickly, his posture anxious, as though he was preparing to run or fight.

"What convinced you?" I asked warily.

"I didn't know what I was getting into when I took the mark," he almost whispered, his eyes haunted.

"What happened?" I asked gently.

He looked around like he feared eavesdroppers, and lowered his voice further. "There was a revel last night, and… Well, I expect there will be some missing muggles in London today."

I grimaced, "Okay. You made the right decision, Reg. You'll be contacted soon with details about beginning your training."

He nodded and hurriedly left the room.

I fished out my journal straight away.

_-Regulus is in. It may be time to schedule the first Order meeting.-_

I glanced up at the head table on my way into the Great Hall and it looked like Dumbledore had his journal out. My ears started to ring just as I was sitting down.

_-That is excellent news, Miss Wilkins. Yet again you have proven your resourcefulness. I agree that it is time for a meeting. Let's plan for seven o'clock tonight in the Room of Requirement. Spread the word among your recruits.-_

Among 'my' recruits. I wondered what he meant by phrasing it that way, but I was certain that he'd meant _something _by it. That man didn't say or do anything without reason.

I cast a quick muffliato before addressing Severus. "The first Order meeting is going to be tonight after dinner. In the Room of Requirement."

He tensed as soon as I mentioned the Order, and nodded stiffly when I was done.

"Don't worry," I comforted. "It shouldn't be a big deal. Mostly just introductions and we'll probably get a time for our special lessons."

"Is the headmaster going to be teaching us?" he asked after a moment.

"Sometimes maybe," I allowed. "Of course, most of the Order members are older. I'm sure they'll be teaching us too."

"Do you know who the other members are?"

"I know that Professor McGonagall is one of them, and Slughorn has agreed to brew some potions for us, but that's all I know right now."

"McGonagall? Really?"

"What's so strange about that?"

He considered it a moment. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "I guess I just never really saw her as that much a fighter."

He was wrong about that. I'd seen her fight Death Eaters. Of course, I couldn't admit to that. So I just shrugged and concentrated on my breakfast.

When we were done eating, I quickly told Severus that I would meet him in Potions, then hurried to catch up to the Marauders further down the hall. James had his wand out and pointed at me by the time I reached them.

"Easy there, Potter," I smiled. "I've just come for Sirius."

Before anyone could respond to that with more than an incredulous glance at their friend, I grabbed Sirius' elbow and drew him far enough away that James wouldn't hear if we spoke quietly. Then I used a _muffliato_ to ensure that Remus didn't hear either.

"There's an Order meeting after dinner in the Room of Requirement," I told him and he grimaced. "Have James and Remus decided to join?" I probed.

"Well," he said uncomfortably. "I haven't exactly gotten around to bringing it up yet…"

"You haven't even talked to them?" I demanded. "It's been two weeks, Sirius!"

"I told you I didn't want to do it!" he complained.

I sighed irritably, "Fine. Meet me at the Gryffindor common room at lunch with James and Remus. Do _not _tell Peter."

"Why not?" he protested. "Peter's a good chap."

I fought the urge to tell him exactly how wrong he was. "You cannot be that stupid," I said instead.

He looked offended, but I ignored it.

"Peter doesn't have the temperament to handle something like this, and you know it," I said instead.

He grimaced and hesitated a moment before nodding.

"Good. Don't be late." With that, I brushed passed his confused friends and headed for the Room of Requirement to get some practice in before second period.

As usual, it was tedious and I left feeling like I'd made no real progress. So many endless hours of practice had been helping, I knew. It was just so slow that I could only really tell when I looked at it over a period of weeks rather than days or hours.

"I don't think I'm going to make it to lunch," I told Severus when we left the greenhouse after Herbology.

"Is everything okay?" he asked warily.

I nodded, "Yes, I just have to…" I sighed and lowered my voice, "I need to talk to the Marauders about the meeting tonight."

His brow drew down, "Do you want me to come with?"

I shook my head quickly, "I don't think that would be a good idea. They don't really like you."

"They don't like you either," he retorted.

"James doesn't," I agreed. "Sirius likes me well enough, and I'm not worried about Remus. Don't worry. I'll be fine," I promised, stopping to lean up and steal a kiss. "I'll see you in Transfigurations, okay?"

"Okay," he frowned, squeezing my hand gently before releasing me.

I had to stand next to the fat lady's portrait for about five minutes before Sirius showed up with his friends. Judging by the looks on their faces, they'd not been expecting to find me there.

Sirius muttered the password in an undertone and led us all inside.

"What's going on?" James demanded once we were inside the otherwise empty room. "Why did we just bring a Slytherin in here?"

"James, do stop being a narrow-minded prat for half a bloody hour," I frowned.

Sirius snickered and even Remus was smirking while James shared his glare between the three of us.

"Sirius was supposed to speak with you about this weeks ago, but, as he is a lazy whinger, it is now my duty," I continued.

"Hey," Sirius protested as I turned my insults on him.

"Okay, since when have you been friends with the new Slytherin Princess?" James demanded.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, his gaze shifting between James and me, "Well… We talk. Sometimes. You know."

"I _don't _know," James insisted. "That's why I'm asking."

After a moment of hesitation, Sirius' typical grin returned to his face. "Well, we've slept together a few times," he shrugged.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and told myself that I would not try out any hexes on the infuriating man. I was getting pretty good at some of them. I figured I had an eighty percent chance of pulling one off without causing serious harm. "What did I say about comments like that, Sirius?" I asked irritably.

"Something involving my reproductive organs," he recalled, looking chastised. "Right, well, we slept in the same room, anyway," he admitted to his friends.

"I'll _trust_ you to fill them in on the details later," I said to him threateningly before turning my attention back to James. "Regardless of how you feel about me, James, I am here on Professor Dumbledore's business. Will you hear me out?"

He stared me at warily for a moment. "Fine," he said finally.

I nodded, "Okay. Well, Dumbledore is putting together a group to oppose Voldemort," I said bluntly, watching all three of them flinch. "A few students are being invited to join. The two of you are among them. Sirius has already joined. As a member, you will be given advanced training, particularly in Defense, until graduation. After that, we will join the war." I let that sink in and watched their faces darken pensively.

"You already joined?" Remus asked Sirius.

Black shrugged uncomfortably. "We get extra Defense training," he said by way of explanation.

I closed my eyes briefly at his short-sightedness, but didn't comment.

"So this is for real?" James wondered.

"Our first meeting is tonight after dinner," I nodded. "The headmaster will explain everything then."

"What's the catch?" he asked suspiciously.

My brow rose. "Really? You don't think it's rather obvious?"

He glared at me.

"We'll be fighting a war, James," I frowned. "I should think that's catch enough."

He fell quiet again, no one speaking for several minutes.

"The war is coming," I said quietly. "Unless you plan to emigrate to Brazil and hope Voldemort's influence doesn't reach that far, you will have to make a choice eventually. You'll have to choose a side. Choose Dumbledore now, and you'll have the benefit of extra preparation for the inevitable."

"You see?!" Sirius said quickly. "You see what she does? How do you say no to that?"

I gave him a small smile.

"Are you the headmaster's official recruiter at Hogwarts then?" James snarked at me.

"More like unofficial," I shrugged.

That seemed to surprise them all. "Who else here is being recruited?" Remus wondered.

"Not many," I sighed. "Frank Longbottom and Alice Ferris joined just before Halloween. Severus is a member as well."

"Snivellus?" James asked distastefully.

"Enough of that!" I barked irately. "This petty schoolboy feud of yours is ridiculous. If you are truly incapable of acting like adults, I will swear you to secrecy and we can all forget this ever happened. The Order does not need squabbling children in its ranks."

"She's right, James," Remus said right as James was opening his mouth to retort angrily.

"What?" James demanded of his friend.

His stubbornness reminded me strongly of Harry. I banished that thought before it could depress me and focused on my quarry.

"Calling Snape names and hexing him in the halls does seem a little petty compared with training to fight in a war," Remus defended.

"She's just saying that because she's shagging him!" James demanded.

Clearly this approach wasn't working. "Very well, James," I said dismissively, "Remus, are you interested?"

Remus frowned at James for a moment before looking at me. "Dumbledore asked for me specifically?" he checked.

"I'm not recruiting anyone that he hasn't approved," I evaded, since I knew what he was really asking. Did the Order really want a werewolf?

He nodded, satisfied with my answer. "Then I'm in," he said grimly.

"We'll be lucky to have you, Remus," I said sincerely.

When I looked at James again, he was pouting a bit. "Fine!" he said irritably. "I'll join, but just keep Snape away from me."

"Can you mind your tongue around him?" I pressed, "because I honestly believe that he's more important to the Order than you are. And I am _not _just saying that because I'm 'shagging' him."

"Then you _are _shagging him?!" Sirius exclaimed.

I made a point of ignoring him.

"I'll do my best," James sneered.

"Let's hope it's good enough," I said quietly. "I'll see you all at the Room of Requirement at seven o'clock. Do _not _be late. And Sirius?"

He looked like he was worried that he'd get hexed for his last comment.

"Reg has joined too," I said quietly.

His eyes widened. "What? Do you know that he's… He's a Death Eater, Hermione."

"I know," I nodded. "He's agreed to be a spy."

Sirius' eyes looked in danger of falling out.

"You should be proud of him, Sirius. He knows that he made a mistake in joining Voldemort, and he's very brave to have joined the Order."

Sirius clearly had no idea what to say, so I just stepped forward to squeeze his shoulder reassuringly before turning toward the portrait hole. "Remember what I said about Peter," I called over my shoulder before leaving.

I was glad that I didn't have Charms today so I could go down to the kitchens for a snack as I'd now officially missed lunch.

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**I will try to get Severus' side up in the next 5 or 6 hours, but I'm quite sick today, so I may nap instead. If not tonight, I'll have it up in the morning. Thank you guys so much for your patience and for sticking with me through this.**


	15. The Order of the Phoenix

**Author's Note: **OMG, so sorry for the long delay! There were holidays and plot bunnies and disagreeable characters! Oh my! The good news is that I've made huge strides toward organizing the future plot to my satisfaction and refining it on a scene by scene basis. Good Godric, it's coming together swimmingly!

As always, thank you all for the many lovely reviews. I love you guys. You make the late nights and the arthritis pain completely worth it!

****Updated!** **Check out the part in the meeting where Regulus was mentioned, and one line of dialog when Hermione talks to Severus about her magic.

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**Chapter XV – The Order of the Phoenix**

After dinner, Severus joined me in climbing up to the seventh floor. I leaned against the wall next to the door that would only be visible to Order members.

"What are we doing?" he asked curiously when I made no move to go inside.

I checked my watch to see that it was still a quarter to seven. "Just making sure that everyone makes it."

"Is that your job?" he asked curiously.

"Not really," I shrugged, "but I do feel some responsibility for the students that I recruited."

"The headmaster actually recruited us though, didn't he?"

"Well, it's his group," I hedged, "but I was the one who talked you all into it."

He frowned thoughtfully, but didn't comment further.

Alice and Frank arrived together a few minutes later, looking wary.

I nodded to them politely, "Go on inside."

The Marauders, minus Peter, arrived next and Severus tensed as my side but, impressively, did not reach for his wand. James scowled at him, but kept his mouth shut. Remus kept his eyes down as though there was something very interesting about his shoes. Sirius blatantly winked at me.

"Just go inside," I frowned at the three of them.

Regulus arrived just before seven and he looked like he was seriously considering turning around.

I finally left off my post and put my hand on his shoulder lightly, "It'll be okay, Reg," I said quietly. "Trust me."

He stared at me searchingly for a moment, and then his posture straightened and he took a bracing breath before passing me.

I stood for a moment, hating myself to the very fiber of my being. Poor Regulus. I had some idea how the next few years of his life were going to play out if the Severus of my time was anything to go by. If he managed to learn enough to stay alive as a spy, he was going to have a very difficult life. I hadn't made him take the mark, and I knew that his chances of surviving were probably much better with the Order than trying to defy Voldemort on his own, but I still felt like I was lying to him telling him that anything would ever be "okay" again.

After a long moment, I took a deep breath and turned around to find Severus watching me with concern. "Are you ready?"

"Are you okay?" he checked.

"As well as I can be," I replied grimly. "We'd best go inside, or we'll be late."

He didn't look particularly satisfied, but he did offer me his arm. I took it and we stepped into the room.

With little surprise, I noted that the room looked like an enlarged version of Albus' office with books and odd contraptions filling the shelves around the walls. I wondered if it was meant to be comforting for his students and former students or if he'd meant it as a subtle reminder of the fact that he was in charge. Both, likely. Chairs were set up in an arc facing the far side of the room. There was a smallish desk off to one side at the front, facing the chairs.

It looked like we may have been the last to arrive.

"Miss Wilkins, Mr. Snape, nice of you to join us," Albus called across the room, sounding maybe a little annoyed.

"Happy to be here, sir!" I called back immediately.

Severus turned his face down toward my ear and said quietly, "Why didn't you tell him that we were right outside making sure that all the students got here?"

"Because he knows that," I replied, just as quietly.

"Then why…?"

"It's either a show for everyone else or a test for me," I answered, then quickly shook my head when he opened his mouth to say something more.

He closed his mouth again, frowning in Albus' direction.

I let my gaze trail around the room, taking in the attendees. There were a dozen adults in the room, in addition to Albus. I recognized Molly and Arthur Weasley sitting down with their heads together at one side of the room. Professor McGonagall had resumed a conversation with Albus after our brief exchange. Alek was standing near the back wall. He seemed to be taking everyone in as well. He nodded to me when our eyes met and I returned it.

Some members I recognized only from old pictures. Gideon and Fabian Prewett, both of which bore a notable resemblance to their sister, Molly, were sitting near the Weasleys. Emmaline Vance, Dorcas Meadowes, Edgar Bones, Marlene McKinnon, the last of which was probably only a year or two out of Hogwarts… Seeing the faces of so many who had not made it to the Second Wizarding War was extremely sobering. It made me wonder how many people in this room would survive this year or the next. How many funerals would this group attend before Voldemort was slain for good?

"Miss Wilkins," Albus called. He still sounded annoyed. "A moment."

I squeezed Severus' arm lightly before leaving him. Professor McGonagall drifted away as I approached so when Albus bent his head toward mine we were as private as we could be with a werewolf in the room. "Thank you for seeing the students in, Miss Wilkins," he said first, his tone suddenly quite pleasant. "I wonder, do you tell Mr. Snape everything?"

"He's my best friend, sir," I replied. "But, no. I don't tell him _everything_."

He nodded thoughtfully. "I see. Well, why don't you have a seat at the desk there and oversee the minutes of the meeting."

"Yes, sir," I said quietly before sitting down next to the large scroll of parchment and the enchanted quill that was already poised to begin taking notes. Aside from repeating something if it was requested, there wouldn't actually be much to do. It made me wonder his purpose in putting me there.

"All right," Albus called for the whole room. "Now that everyone has arrived, let's bring this meeting to order."

I paid more mind to the people than Dumbledore's speech as he went over an introduction to the Order of the Phoenix, its goals, and some of the things that would be expected of the members of various stations. Those employed at the ministry would be using their connections there to keep an eye on the state of things and the actions of Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

The students would be attending special training sessions twice each week in the Room of Requirement. Professors Moody and McGonagall would be their primary teachers for these lessons. That part had been my suggestion though Albus made it seem like his own, which was perfectly fine with me. He seemed to be simultaneously attempting to make less of me for the other students and setting me apart from them. I had no idea what to make of that.

He then surprised me by addressing Severus. "Mr. Snape, I would appreciate it if you would assist Professor Slughorn in brewing the potions that the Order will need."

Severus cut his eyes quickly at me before returning them to Albus again. He looked completely shocked by being singled out. "Me, sir?" he asked uneasily.

"Horace has had great things to say about your brewing prowess, my boy," Albus said benignly. "He scarcely has enough time to brew them all himself, so he suggested that you may be able to help. The time you spend with him could go toward an advanced apprenticeship if you'd like."

"Yes, sir," he said quickly. "Thank you."

"Excellent," Albus twinkled.

He then went through some of the other students for specific duties. Frank would be beginning an advanced apprenticeship with Professor Birch. Birch was not a member of the Order, but Frank would use the apprenticeship to grow some potions ingredients for the Order. Alice was assigned to Flitwick to work on charming brooms, cloaks, and other things the Order would need. James and Sirius were going to be working with Professor McGonagall on something that he didn't specify. Probably something to do with their being animagi, I guessed. Remus didn't receive a task, which led me to believe that Albus had something rather werewolf specific in mind that he'd probably discuss with him later.

When Albus introduced Regulus as our spy, every eye in the room turned toward him, and most of those looks were distrustful. I hated it. It reminded me far too much of what Severus went through in my time. Never truly a Death Eater, but neither truly trusted within the Order by anyone but Albus. Did none of them understand his incredible sacrifice? Did they not realize what he would go through for us? I found myself incredibly annoyed with the lot of them.

Except for Severus, I noted with interest as my eyes met his. He was the only other one in the room not looking at Regulus.

Then the moment passed, and I forced my face to clear before faces were once again directed toward the front.

"Excuse me, sir," James interrupted after receiving his task of reporting to McGonagall.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"I think I speak for all the students here in saying that Wilkins there was the one who brought me in on this." There were nods from the other students, all casting curious looks at me. I tried to look only mildly interested. "So I was wondering, what exactly does _she_ do for the Order?"

Albus glanced back at me as if he'd forgotten that I was there. "Miss Wilkins is serving as record keeper for the Order," he supplied, which explained why he'd put me at this desk. "I asked her to broach the subject with the rest of you as she was the first student to join."

I hoped that I looked innocent.

"Record keeper?" James asked incredulously. It was clear that he didn't believe that for a moment.

"Indeed," Albus nodded, the picture of innocence. "She is highly organized. Perfect for the job."

It would also explain why I was always writing in my journal, I figured. I nodded to the looks directed at me. They were between doubtful and considering. Severus looked questioning. I made a point of giving him the same look as everyone else. We could talk about it later.

Before the meeting broke up, jewelry was distributed. There were watches, necklaces, and hair clips, each of which transfigured itself to fit the Order member who touched it. A rather impressive bit of magic actually, but then it _was_ Albus Dumbledore. If he needed to call on any member, the item would become impressed with a brief message that only that individual would be able to see.

Clearly, I would not need one as I had the journal. Luckily, everyone seemed too interested in their own items to pay any attention to the fact that I hadn't collected one. Well, Severus noticed, but he already knew about the journal. His became a nice, but simple black pocket watch.

The students were dismissed first, probably so that Albus could discuss "grown up" stuff with the remaining members.

"Miss Wilkins," he said quietly when I got up to leave.

"Yes, sir?" I asked curiously.

"I apologize, my child, but you'll need to stay a bit longer," he explained kindly. "As record keeper, you'll have to be here until the very end."

I nodded my understanding and sat back down, offering Severus an encouraging smile before he left and ignoring the curious gazes of the rest of the students. At least now I understood why Albus had made me record keeper. It would give him the perfect excuse to include me in things to which the other students weren't privy.

Once the door had closed behind the last student, Albus turned his attention to the remaining members, once again seeming to forget my existence.

Alek cast me a very brief, considering look before likewise ignoring me. The others seemed less willing to forget that I was there. It was actually McGonagall who spoke up as Albus tried to progress the meeting.

"Excuse me, Albus," she frowned, "but do you really think it appropriate for Miss Wilkins to be here?"

He glanced around at me before looking at McGonagall again. "I'd not have asked her to stay if I didn't," he reasoned.

"She doesn't need to hear all these things, Albus," she said as in defense of my innocence. Though I wanted to believe that was the entirety of her concern – once, it would have been – I wasn't her protégé anymore. Here, now, I was just a Slytherin who did well in Transfigurations and never caused problems in her class. Emphasis on the Slytherin part. She didn't trust me with so much information.

It wasn't easy to pretend like that didn't sting, but I think I managed indifference. If not, I was sure Alek would detail everything I'd done wrong the next time I was alone with him.

"Minnie, I trust Miss Wilkins as much as anyone in this room," Albus said, at once kind and stern. "She is the only student I would trust for this task."

Again, I struggled to contain my reaction. Albus had gone to such trouble to make me seem unremarkable in front of the other students, and now he seemed to be going out of his way to do just the opposite. I dearly wanted to know what he was planning.

McGonagall looked taken aback by his proclamation. Many others in the room looked at me with a little more interest. A few didn't seem to care much. Alek was in the latter group, though I was certain that that was an act.

Albus swiftly moved the meeting beyond me, giving tasks to the remaining members as he had the students. Fabian Prewett, a clerk for the auror office, along with his brother Gideon, who was an auror, were tasked with keeping an eye on the probable movements of Voldemort and his followers. Arthur was charged with watching for evidence of the same in the muggle news. I wasn't so certain that Arthur Weasley was the best choice for anything relating to muggles, but, glancing around the room, he may have been the most knowledgeable one available.

Dorcas Meadowes was a former Slytherin if I was reading between the lines of the conversation properly. Probably in her fifties or sixties, she was an advisor to Minister McLaird, for whom she seemed to have absolutely no respect by the comments she made. I couldn't really blame her. From what I'd read about the man in my time, eccentric seemed the most polite way to describe him. The fact that he'd become Minister for Magic at all proved the regrettable downside to politics, in my opinion.

Dorcas was, obviously, spying on the Minister for the Order, and evidently respected enough by the man to make suggestions to him that were usually carried out.

Albus had said in my time that he'd never wanted to be Minister for Magic, but it seemed clear to me that, at this point in time, he had nearly that much power within his grasp. No wonder Fudge had been so intimidated by him in my fifth year.

Emmaline Vance worked in the Department for the Regulation of Magical Transportation. She was watching for things like unregistered port keys and such.

Edgar Bones, though only in his thirties, was from a very influential family, nearly in line with the Dumbledores. He already had a seat on the Wizengamot.

Marlene McKinnon was in auror training, working beneath Gideon Prewett.

Roughly an hour after the departure of the students, the meeting was finally adjourned. It was already after curfew.

"Miss Wilkins, please take the meeting's minutes up to my office, would you?" Albus requested politely.

I nodded and scooped up the scroll and enchanted quill before taking my leave of the room. I gave the password to the gargoyle, and the door at the top of the stairs opened for me. I was just placing the scroll on the headmaster's desk when my ears began to ring. Not surprised, I fished my journal out of my bag and opened it.

_-Wait there for me.-_

I settled into a chair and drew a book out of my pocket to read. I was almost burning with the desire to use the time to explore the office, but the portraits were watching me. No doubt they'd report back to Albus how many times I blinked while I was in his office should the man become curious about it. So I sat quietly and read my book with little interest or concentration as I ran the meeting through my mind again and replayed every encounter that I'd had with Albus in this time. I reminded myself of all the reasons that he scared the shit out of me and of how careful I needed to be.

Over the next ten minutes before Albus arrived, I practiced my Occlumency as well as I could alone. The door finally opened and the headmaster entered alone. He smiled kindly at me while I reduced my book and returned it to my pocket.

"Thank you for your patience, Miss Wilkins," he said as he moved around to take his seat behind his desk.

"Of course, Headmaster," I replied mildly.

"Now then, what did you think of the job I gave your friend, Mr. Snape?" he asked innocently.

"I think that Professor Slughorn is particularly lazy and will no doubt have Severus brewing all of the potions in a short time," I admitted openly, concealing my surprise at his questioning. I was pretty sure that he was more curious about my reaction than my opinion. Though it was possible that he was also fishing for more information about Severus.

He nodded. "And?"

"And I think it may cut into his study time, but the potions will be of high quality."

"I will make it a point to restrict the number of hours he can be utilized for the task," he smiled.

I nodded my acceptance of that. I wouldn't thank him. It wasn't as though he was doing it for my benefit. Or at least he _should _be doing it for Severus' sake.

"How are you coming with your magic?" he asked, switching trains of thought abruptly.

I mentally shifted gears, keeping my face blank and not letting him see that he'd thrown me in the slightest. "It's been slow," I admitted, absolutely forbidding my emotions to enter my voice or face. "I'm picking up the simple spells – they are anything but simple for me – but many of the more powerful ones are far beyond my reach.

"I'm concerned… It has occurred to me that my magic may not be as powerful as it was. If I am drawing from a new font entirely, there is no reason that it would necessarily remain as strong." Merlin, how I hated admitting that to him. Though, as he was the only one who even knew about it, much less had any chance of helping me, I really had no choice.

He nodded thoughtfully, "I don't believe that is the case."

I withheld my sigh of relief, but I did sag a bit in my chair. "May I ask what makes you believe otherwise?" I wondered.

"I have no doubt that you remember what happened when you cast in anger."

My eyes slid shut briefly as I understood. Of course. I should have thought of it myself. _That _had been a demonstration of just how much power I could truly harness. I didn't know how to channel it properly, but when it did come through, there could be no doubt that there was power behind it. Maybe even _more _power than I'd had before. That was… unnerving and exciting at once.

"I would like to help you, Miss Wilkins," he said, drawing my attention back to him.

"I'm not sure what you can do," I admitted.

One bushy white eyebrow rose at that. "Why don't you begin by explaining to me exactly what it feels like when you attempt to use magic. I may have some insight to offer. Some do consider me rather intelligent, you know."

I quirked half a smile. I considered it a moment, and then tried to explain the painfully complex conundrum that was my magic. "I can feel the magic when I reach for it, but it's like… It's like one of those funhouse mirrors. Do you know what I mean?"

He nodded, his eyes twinkling, no doubt at the visual I was conjuring in my clumsy attempt to explain.

"It's distorted," I continued. "Like I can't quite bring it into focus. When I try to grasp it… It's like… It's like picking up a large jug of water, only to find that it's empty and you put way too much muscle behind it, or the other way around. But no matter how many times I do it, I just can't decide how much muscle to use. At the same time, it's like… Like running in fine sand. Like climbing an icy hill. Like I just can't quite get the purchase that I need.

"And then I try to release the magic, but instead of leaving me like an arrow from a bow, it's more like… overcooked spaghetti." I winched at the analogy, but it was apt. "It just kind of drains away. Except when I'm angry. Then it's more like practicing archery with a stick of dynamite. It just explodes out of me, barely controlled by the spell I meant to use.

"I've tried so hard – I don't even know how many hours I've spent practicing – but I can't pin down what I'm doing wrong." I was getting frustrated. I took a slow, deep breath, willing myself to calm down. I couldn't lose composure. Not in front of Dumbledore.

He was nodding thoughtfully now that I'd finished my ridiculous explanation. "Everyone's magic works a bit differently," he said at last. "No two witches and wizards in the world feel it exactly the same way. Ordinarily, this isn't largely noted as we each grow accustomed to our particular magic from birth. This also makes it an incredibly poorly documented phenomenon. Those who are even aware of the difference have a difficult time researching it.

"I believe the solution to your unique problem is to come to understand the way that your new magic functions."

I kept my face blank because it was that or scowl at him – or maybe roll my eyes. He came to this long-winded conclusion as though I hadn't been doing exactly that for the last month and a half.

He smirked like he knew exactly what my blank face was hiding.

I focused my eyes on Fawkes behind his shoulder while I reinforced my Occlumency shields.

"I may be able to help," he assured me, rising from his desk to peruse a bookshelf. After a moment, he selected a book and handed it to me.

I accepted it and studied it curiously, "Meditative Modus for the Magically Muddled?" I asked, trying not to grimace. It sounded like one of those self-help things for squibs in denial.

He chuckled. "It was written by a friend of mine, and, despite the title, I believe it may be useful to you. It focuses on techniques for getting in touch with one's magic on a primal level. Without casting any spells. You may be able to examine your magic much more comprehensively without the distraction of the spell you are attempting to pull it through."

I nodded thoughtfully, my hopes finally beginning to rise.

"I'm sure that you're eager to get started," he offered.

I rose at once. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir," I said quickly, already halfway out the door before I finished.

I went immediately back to the Room of Requirement. I didn't want to practice this time though. I needed to meditate. I didn't fully comprehend what that meant in wizarding terms, but I understood meditation on a muggle level. With that in mind, I summoned the room.

I laughed when I stepped inside. It looked liking nothing so much as a cross between a spa and an ashram. A gentle waterfall trickled down the entire far wall of the room, collecting into an unnaturally still pool. Entirely life-like paintings covered the walls on the left and right, making me feel like I was on a mountaintop looking out over sweeping temperate valleys on each side. The room was lit by flaming braziers, giving it a gentle, slightly shifting light. And there was music coming from somewhere – or maybe nowhere. It was in the tones of a harp played very softly; not any tune that I recognized, but one that felt very relaxing.

There was no furniture of any kind in the room except for a large cushion on the floor in front of the pool. Smiling happily, I carried my book to the cushion and sat down, diving into it immediately.

I practiced each technique as soon as I'd read through it and kept at it until I had it figured out before moving on. I had no idea how long it had been when I finally began to feel like I was making real progress.

Though my eyes were closed, I could almost _see _my magic as it moved through my body. It was concentrated somewhere just above my stomach, next to my heart, and it coursed through me like electricity through every nerve. Like blood through every vessel. No longer was it blurry or difficult to understand. It was a part of me. No. It _was _me.

My eyes fluttered open and I looked down at my hands. I took a deep breath and as the air flowed into me, I pulled more deeply on my magic, willing it to fill me more fully. Tiny bolts of static lightning flashed between my fingertips, brilliantly golden in color.

After a great deal of experimenting with that, I was able to extend the effect to cover my entire body. The wall where the door was, was one big mirror. Even the inside of the door was mirrored, so I stood in front of it and watched in quiet wonder while my body crackled with magic.

For the first time since my birthday, I felt like I was on the right track.

~.~.{o}.~.~

By the time I left the Room of Requirement, it was breakfast, so I headed straight down to the Great Hall, my mind still spinning with the night's work. Though I'd not slept, I felt oddly exhilarated rather than tired.

"What happened last night?"

Severus voice startled me out of my thoughts and I looked at him curiously, "What do you mean?"

"I waited until long after everyone else had gone to bed, but you never came back last night after the meeting."

I grimaced when I realized that he'd been worried about me. "Severus, I'm so sorry. I was completely distracted by the time I left the headmaster's office."

"So where did you go?" he pressed.

"I was in the Room of Requirement," I admitted.

He frowned at his plate like he couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to be angry with me.

"Severus, I really am sorry," I tried again, putting my hand lightly over his arm.

He looked at me speculatively, "What were you doing?" he finally asked.

I grimaced.

He saw it and looked away from me again, evidently convinced that I wasn't going to tell him or that he didn't want to hear it.

"Come with me," I suggested, taking his hand as I rose.

He looked confused and wary, but he allowed me to lead him out of the Great Hall and all the way up to the room in which I'd spent the night. I summoned the meditation room again. When we entered this time, there was a second pillow on the floor. I sat down on mine while I gave him a minute to appreciate the room.

"Wow," he finally decided.

I smiled, "Pretty much."

After a moment more of staring at the paintings, he finally sat down on the cushion in front of me, curling his legs in front of him as I had so that our knees were touching.

I took a deep breath, and started, "You've noticed that my magic hasn't been quite right since my birthday," I chose to begin.

He nodded warily, reaching out to take my hand without any evident thought. I appreciated the comforting nature of the gesture.

"It's worse than I've let on," I said quietly, staring at our joined hands. "Considerably worse. The headmaster believes that it's temporary, and I think he's right…"

"What, exactly, is wrong with your magic?" he asked softly.

I huffed a shaky sigh. "I can barely control it, Severus," I almost whispered. "I've learned to manage some of the simpler spells, but… In a duel, I'd be about as helpless as a first year."

I glanced at him when he didn't say anything and I saw that his eyes were quite wide as he stared at me. I quickly returned my focus to his hands.

"This has been going on since your birthday?"

I nodded.

"But… I've seen you… With Potter, and …"

"I never actually did anything," I reminded him. "I just let them think that I could."

"I- Oh. How did this happen?"

I shook my head, hating that I had to lie to him. I wanted to tell him the truth. No, I _would_ tell him the truth. But I couldn't just yet. "I really don't understand it myself. Some sort of rare phenomenon that caused my magic to… shift. It's like I have to learn how to do magic all over again. But it's more difficult this time because I keep trying to do it the way that I learned the first time."

He got up enough to move around to my side and his arms closed around me.

I sighed into his chest, relishing the comfort.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione," he said softly. "You don't deserve this."

My heart hurt for the raw affection in his voice. What I didn't deserved was this wonderful man caring for me. This wonderful man that I lied to. No, I didn't deserve him at all.

"What does this have to do with where you were last night?" he finally wondered, but he didn't let me go.

"Albus gave me a book with some meditation techniques that he thought may help me," I explained. "I got completely carried away with them. When I finally checked the time, it was nearly breakfast."

"Albus?" he asked with surprise in his voice.

Drat.

I should have known I'd make that mistake eventually. I needed to be more careful. "It's from talking to Alek so much," I admitted. "He always calls the headmaster Albus because they went to school together, and he never calls me down for it. I suppose I've come to think of him that way."

He didn't look completely convinced, but he let it go.

"Speaking of Alek, you should get going," I noted.

He drew away from me enough to look into my eyes, and after a moment, he leaned forward, eyes on my lips.

I happily closed the remaining distance to meet his lips, and I reveled in the soft warmth, the sweet affection. After a few seconds, I deepened the kiss, threading my fingers through his incredibly soft hair.

It wasn't until I somehow managed to remember that he had a class to get to that I was able to draw my lips from his. "You have to go," I smiled breathlessly.

He nodded, pressing one more soft, brief kiss to my lips before rising. "I'll see you in potions?" he checked on his way to the door.

"You'd better," I smirked.

* * *

**Alrighty then! Good meeting! And Severus is finally starting to learn some of Hermione's secrets! Yay! Severus' side should be up shortly if it's not already. By all means, read on. Though I won't complain if you want to leave a review first…**


	16. Occlumency

**Author's Note:** Wow. This has been a long time coming. Sincerest apologizes, all my lovely readers. I have a whole list of very legitimate excuses, but it basically boils down to my health taking a dive that lasted over a month. It seems to be improving now, so hopefully you'll not have to wait so long for a chapter again. Not on this fic, at least. And I hope that the slightly obscene length helps me to atone for making you wait so long as well.

A most humble thanks to **bluefirefly5** and **beatlechicksteph**, those two brave souls who have taken on the task of beta for this tale. If not for their help (and at least one sleepless night on bluefirefly5's side) it would have taken me even longer to finish this chapter.

**Just in case you've all forgotten what happened preceding this, a brief refresher:** Hermione and Severus decided to take the pretense out of their relationship and have a go for real. Regulus, James, and Remus decided to join the Order, and the first official Order meeting was held. Sirius expressed some surprisingly mature emotions, suggesting that there may be more to him than he usually lets people see (and there may be a serious love interest in his life). Unbeknownst to Dumbledore, Hermione is taking secret Occlumency lessons with Alastor Moody. I think that covers most of the high points. I do hope you enjoy.

**Content Warning:** There be fluff!

* * *

**Chapter XVI - Occlumency**

"So, what happened in the meeting after I left? Or is that confidential?" Severus inquired, his light tone curious while he toyed with my fingers of the hand he held. After dinner, we'd spent more than an hour in my bed. We'd talked a little. Mostly, we'd kissed. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so relaxed and happy.

"Not really," I laughed. "It was mostly just discussing assignments with the older members. The only really interesting part was in observing the people, getting to know a bit about who they are – how they think and interact."

"Anything surprising?" he inquired.

I shook my head. "They were largely what I'd expected. Mostly Gryffindors. Loyal, brave, eager to take direction…" I joked. Of course, I still had a soft spot for my former house, but I knew Severus would enjoy the teasing. Granted they _did _seem a little too eager to take Albus at face value…

"So, if there was nothing special going on, why did Dumbledore keep you there?" he wondered.

"What, you're not buying the record-keeping bit?" I chuckled. I hadn't expected _him_ to be fooled.

"I don't know about everyone else, but knowing what you did over Halloween makes me just a bit skeptical that he really sees you as just a record-keeper," he pointed out.

I sighed, "Yes, that was a bit thin, particularly for Albus. It's possible that he simply wasn't overly concerned for fooling everyone, but I find that unlikely. He has a reason for everything he does. He's setting me up for something. I'm just not sure what yet."

"You're saying that you don't know why he did that? You two hadn't worked it out in advance?" he asked, surprised.

"Do you imagine that Albus and I spend a lot of time plotting together?" I smirked.

"Well… Yeah, I guess," he frowned. "You're always writing in that journal, and you admitted that you were in his office after the meeting last night."

"Okay, admittedly there is _some _time spent plotting," I admitted after considering it, "but generally only about the Order itself. Not about me."

He was silent for a moment, then, "You and the headmaster really sit around plotting about the Order?"

"A moment ago, you were surprised that I suggested we _didn't_!" I pointed out incredulously.

I could almost hear his frown in the silence that followed.

"Well, I suppose it's something different to draw conclusions and have them confirmed," he said grimly.

"You make it sound rather macabre," I noted. "I only meant that he asks my opinions about some things and I give it."

"Why would the headmaster be interested in your opinion?" he wondered, then quickly added, "Don't misunderstand me. You're really intelligent and all, but you're a student. And I don't think he treats any other students like that."

I smiled a little at his hasty retraction. He really could be adorable sometimes. Not that I'd ever tell him that. It would probably shatter his self-image. Instead, I lifted his hand and pressed a light kiss to the back of it. "Again, I have no idea what Albus is thinking or planning the vast majority of the time, but I think…" I paused, considering it, but I couldn't come to any new conclusions. "I suspect," I continued, "that he is grooming me for whatever position he wishes me to hold in the Order after we graduate.

"What kind of position?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"I can't be sure…" because I really couldn't be _sure_. Yes, because that technically made me feel loads better. Merlin, I hated lying to him. I hated it so much. He'd been such a wonderful friend to me. His friendship was something more than I'd ever had before. His intellect and wit challenged me in a way I'd never quite experienced before. And he'd become so much more than just a friend. I…

Gods help me, I was pretty sure I'd fallen in love with Severus Snape.

"Severus, I…" I had to tell him, didn't I? You can't keep secrets like this from someone you loved, could you? But if I told him, I'd be putting him in danger.

He leaned up on his elbow so that he was looking down on me. He brushed a stray curl away from my face, his hand lingering against my cheek. "What is it?" he asked softly.

I looked up into his dark, affectionate eyes, and my heart melted. Was it really possible that this was the same man who'd loomed over cauldrons, his greatest joy in life seemingly to terrify and belittle children? What must he have endured to so maul such a sweet, selfless spirit? What more could I possibly do to ensure that that didn't happen this time?

Well, being honest with him might be a good start. "My past is complicated, Severus," I began quietly. Gently trapping his hand beneath mine so that he wouldn't remove it. "Really complicated. I…" What could I tell him?

"Please, Hermione," he entreated.

I let my eyes drift closed. Merlin, how could I refuse him when he looked at me like that? It was utterly unfair. Granted, I couldn't simply blurt out that I was from the future either, could I? Even if he believed me… What would be the point of learning to guard my mind with such care if…

I sighed. Merlin, I needed to sleep more. How this had not occurred to me sooner, I could not conjure. Repressing the urge to slap my free hand against my forehead, I opened my eyes.

"How much do you know about Occlumency?" I inquired.

He lifted one eyebrow in curious intrigue. "I'm well versed in the concept," he admitted, waiting for me to go on.

I hesitated just a moment before forging ahead. "I'm learning it," I explained. "Would you be interested in learning with me?"

He blinked slowly. "This has something to do with your past?" he asked uncertainly.

I took a deep breath and admitted, "I'm learning Occlumency specifically to conceal the truth about my past." I watched him carefully as he absorbed that. "I want to tell you, but…"

"You need me to learn Occlumency," he finished for me.

I nodded warily.

He was silent for a long moment, seemingly lost in thought. Then he leaned down abruptly and pressed his lips to mine.

I responded heartily to the urgency of the kiss. My anxiety made it almost frantic and he seemed to be suffering similarly. One of his hands fisted in my hair and the other snaked beneath my back, cradling me against him. We were both gasping for breath by the time he released my lips.

"You are going to tell me the truth, right? Eventually?" he asked severely.

"Of course," I frowned. "Severus, I do want to tell you. Truly. It's just… It's dangerous, okay?"

His eyes searched mine and I prayed that he could read my sincerity. Finally, he sighed and nodded, then leaned down to kiss me again – gently this time. "Okay," he whispered, pressing his forehead lightly to mine. "Okay."

**~.~.{o}.~.~**

In the morning, I staved off conversation about Occlumency until we'd left Hogwarts behind on our walk toward Hogsmeade to meet Alek.

"Can we talk freely now?" he finally asked when we were nearly halfway to Hogsmeade.

"Yes," I allowed with a small smile, feeling a bit badly for putting him off, though it was _not _something I wanted to discuss anywhere that Albus may possibly overhear.

"Who's teaching you Occlumency?" he asked first.

"Alek's grandson," I admitted. "He's an auror and very skilled in both Occlumency and Legilimency."

He frowned thoughtfully. "Was he at the meeting?"

"He's not a member of the Order."

His brow shot back up in surprise. "Isn't that dangerous? I mean, he must see some of your memories, right? In the process of teaching you?"

"He's Alek's grandson," I reminded him. "He's trustworthy."

He didn't quite look convinced, but he let it go. "So where are we meeting him?" he said instead.

"I'm not exactly sure," I smirked, leading Severus off the trail toward a small, secluded thicket.

"Severus. Good to see you," Alek's cheerful voice intruded before Severus could ask anything more.

"Professor Moody," Severus said, surprised when the older man dropped his disillusionment and appeared right in front of us in the thicket.

Alek chuckled, "We're not in class, lad. You can call me Alek."

"Okay," Severus replied uncertainly.

Alek turned mirthful eyes on me, "You didn't mention that you were bringing company this week, Hermione."

"Bit of a last minute decision," I said neutrally, automatically slipping into the carefully controlled manner that Alek had spent so much time cultivating during our "defense" lessons.

"Really?" he asked with a raised brow, but seemed content enough to say no more about it. "You're ready?"

I nodded and stepped closer to grasp his hand. Severus hesitated only a moment before emulating me on Alek's left.

Alek twisted sharply and we were crushed into darkness for a moment before the familiar dim light surrounded us.

"What is this? Two of them now?" Alastor's irritated voice demanded from behind us.

Alek grinned his amusement before disapparating without a word. _Cheeky bastard_.

Severus and I turned to face the surly auror, and Alastor's frown managed to deepen when he got a good look at Severus.

"No," he said immediately. "I agreed to teach you, girl. Not your boyfriend."

Severus looked concerned, but I kept my focus on the older man. "He's not just my boyfriend, as you well know, Alastor," I scolded.

"Of course not," he said with a dangerous sort of glint in his eyes. "The 'love of your life', wasn't it?"

I forbade my face to flush as I internally cringed. Why in Merlin's name had he had to see that ruddy dream? It had only been once, and it was just a dream! And to bring it up now just because he knew that I wouldn't want him to… _Infuriating bloody prat!_

"I meant that he is also a member of the Order," I countered, forcing myself to remain cool.

By the way that Alastor was chuckling now, I assumed that my cheeks were being rebellious. "You really want him in the same room as me?" he smirked, clearly threatening to disclose more. He deliberately turned to address Severus.

"Alastor," I said warningly.

"Is that the best you can do, lass?" he frowned. "Because there's lots more I could say…"

I stared at Alastor, wanting nothing more than to snap something truly scathing, but I knew that would only inspire him to give Severus more details about my dream life that I'd really prefer he didn't know. Forcing myself to calm down and act like a Slytherin rather than a Gryffindor, I took the seat opposite the auror and met his antagonism with poise. "Severus Snape is one of the most powerful wizards I have ever met," I said quietly, calmly, and evenly.

Severus sat down slowly and I forced myself to ignore him for the moment.

"His value to us in this war is virtually incomparable," I admitted.

Alastor's eyes narrowed and I flinched just slightly as I felt him enter my mind in search of the whole truth. My full meaning.

I chose the memories with care, giving him an image of Severus at his most ominous, glowering around the classroom as he gave us first years his introductory speech. I didn't acknowledge his words. Only his appearance and my feelings. Trepidation, determination, wonder, excitement…

Next, I showed him flashes of Severus glowering down at me, sweeping through Hogwarts, robes billowing while students rushed out of his path, his perfectly executed _expelliarmus_ knocking Lockhart on his arse. I pulled up memories like selecting files from a drawer, presenting him with brief moments from the times he had been in charge of my lessons with Harry and Ron. Him dueling the three of us simultaneously in fifth year, deflecting our best attempts with apparently effortless nonverbal magic, a contemptuous sneer never leaving his lips.

I pulled up a conversation I'd overheard between Albus and Severus that year.

_"Severus, you're one of the most gifted Occlumens alive," Albus said to Severus in our training room. He'd been encouraging Severus in the lost cause that was teaching Harry Occlumency. "You may even be _the _greatest."_

_Severus glared pure murder at the older wizard. "Be that as it may, I cannot work miracles, Albus. That boy has all the mental organization of a hyperactive kitten, and rather less common sense."_

_"Ah, Severus, I had no idea that you had a fondness for cats. Though I'll admit that I have grown rather fonder of them myself during my acquaintance with Minnie," Albus mused thoughtfully._

_Severus' expression was positively martyred. "Leave off, old man. I am well aware that you are not nearly as senile as you'd have everyone believe you."_

_"That is to the good, I'd imagine," Albus twinkled in return._

_With a disgusted sneer, Severus spun in a swirl of black and glided rapidly away just as blue eyes turned to me._

I pushed that memory away, and selected another. The battle in Howarts when Dumbledore had died. I'd seen him only briefly a few times, but he had been magnificent and terrifying. Unlike anything I'd ever seen before, his skill and sheer power shaming even his fellow Death Eaters.

At last, I drew up my shields. I wasn't yet strong enough to force him out if he really felt like pressing matters, but he didn't fight me.

When he'd left my mind, I raised an eyebrow, waiting for his response.

He looked at Severus as though he was sizing him up again, comparing him to what I had shown him. "All right," he conceded at last. "Double lessons it is then. How much do you know about Occlumency, boy?"

"Quite a lot, academically speaking," he replied after just one brief, curious glance at me. Clearly, I'd have some questions to answer later.

"Excellent," Alastor declared, though I read the gleam in his eyes as dangerous still. It was possible that I'd shown him a bit more than necessary. I had the feeling that he intended to make this hard on Severus, just to see how much truth there was to my memories.

Then again, maybe he'd have done as much anyway. Merlin knew he hadn't gone easy on me.

"Let's get started then," Alastor declared, and I watched Severus' eyes widen as he comprehended that we were going to start just that abruptly.

Though he fought to control it, I could tell that he was afraid. I didn't blame him. Having a stranger poking around in your head was a scary thing, even if it was in a teaching capacity. I was lucky that I knew Alastor a bit, and I trusted him as much as was possible given his Vow to me.

Alastor drew his wand and aimed it at Severus, which I knew was not necessary, but he'd done the same for me the first day. A warning that he was coming. "Legilimens," he said aloud, which was also unnecessary for Alastor.

Severus flinched and I watched every muscle in his body tense at the assault. He didn't look to be in physical pain, but extremely uncomfortable nonetheless.

I watched with extreme discomfort as Severus' face grew increasingly distressed as the seconds dragged by, and fought the need to defend him against Alastor, to protect him. It was an enlightening experience, as I'd not realized before that I'd become that protective of him. But this wasn't my professor any longer. Severus in this time seemed so much more vulnerable. Oddly… innocent. He hadn't yet been through the trials beneath Voldemort that had hardened him so much. He hadn't spent the last six years fighting Voldemort and his minions the way that I had. I found myself torn between a need to shelter him from everything that would harden him, and an understanding that he needed to be hardened if he was going to be able to face what was coming.

Finally, after about two minutes, his face screwed up into what was almost pain, and he screamed, "NO!" just as his eyes once again focused in the present.

Alastor rocked back in his seat as he was forced out of Severus' mind.

I couldn't imagine what Alastor had been viewing that seemed to have upset Severus so deeply, but I felt very badly for him. I knew that Alastor searched out the worst memories that he could find in order to "motivate" the proper need to learn to protect ourselves. I was also incredibly impressed. I'd been practicing this with Alastor for a month and I had yet to manage what Severus had on the first try. I could tell by the look in the auror's eyes that he had not been expecting that, but that it was certainly exactly as it appeared to me. Severus had actually forced Alastor out. Of course, I wasn't greatly surprised. Young or not, he was still Severus Snape.

Alastor began to chuckle, drawing my full attention back to him. "That, my boy, was the most impressive first attempt I've ever seen," he declared, evidently quite pleased. "You're sure you've never done this before?"

My eyes narrowed at the auror. Of course Severus was impressive, but I wouldn't have thought Alastor was the sort to admit it that baldly. He obviously hadn't done so without motive.

Severus looked as wary as I felt about that praise. "I've studied the theory, sir," he said cautiously. "As I've said."

Deciding to intervene, I leaned back in my chair and spoke in a bored tone. "Leave off, Alastor. He's Slytherin enough for the both of us, I assure you." That was the most likely motive for his words that I could discern. He was baiting Severus and watching for his reaction.

Alastor's lips twisted in mild annoyance as he looked at me, but then they turned up in a small grin and I knew what was coming. "Your turn," he declared. He didn't bother drawing his wand or saying the spell aloud for me. We were beyond that.

I slammed my shields up at the same moment that his mind hit mine, but managed only to slow his attack momentarily. I felt my shield slip slightly under his prodding, and then he was pushing passed it.

…

_"Hermione, dear!"_

_I cringed at the sound of my mother's footsteps on the stairs, hunching further over my desk where my homework was surrounded by piles of texts and reference books._

_"Hermione, Mrs. Lotchkiss said that you had a quiz today."_

_Stomach clenching, I wordlessly withdrew the quiz paper from my folder, offering it to my mum._

_There was a moment of silence, and then a soft, disappointed sigh. "Sixteen out of twenty," she said quietly. "What happened, darling?"_

_"I didn't know there would be a quiz," I said defensively._

_"Which is why we always read ahead," Mum prompted. "I know that you told me you were fully two chapters ahead in science, so what happened?"_

_"I guess that I forgot some of it," I admitted, ducking my head._

_"Don't mumble, Hermione," Mum said a little more sharply. "You know how I hate that. It makes you sound indecisive and foolish."_

_"I'm sorry, Mum," I said very clearly. "I have evidently forgotten some of what I read." I opened my mouth to explain about the Algebra assignment that had distracted me, only to be interrupted._

_"Do not make excuses," Mum said sternly, but I knew that she wasn't really angry. She was disappointed. Which was worse. "Repetition aids memory retention. So go back and read the chapters again. Then I want you to do all of your homework. Twice."_

_My heart sank. "But Kari and I were supposed to go to a movie tonight."_

_Mum stared at me a minute, then knelt down in front of my chair and looked into my eyes with a frown. "Hermione Jean, you know that I only want what's best for you."_

_I nodded, even though it was rhetorical._

_"You're a brilliant girl. You're smart enough to be anything you want to be when you grow up. You can go as far in this world as you want to go. But you will not get there by going to the cinema with your friends. You have to work for what you want._

_"You are restrained only by your willingness to be exceptional, love. So, the choice is yours. If you still want to go out with Kari, I won't stop you."_

_Mum left with a light kiss on my forehead._

_I watched after her for a minute, then sighed heavily and got up to ring Kari. If I studied hard this weekend and after school, I'd probably have time to do something next weekend._

_…_

I willed myself to greater focus as Alastor moved on to another memory.

…

_"You're saying it wrong," I explained to Ron, one of my new friends. "It's Wing-GAR-dium Levi-OH-sa. Make the 'gar' nice and long."_

_"You do it, then, if you're so clever," Ron snapped._

_I kept my chin up despite his tone, and turned my attention back to my own feather. Surely if he saw how I could do it, he'd listen to my advice. I cast the spell, and it responded to me with ease, just as I'd expected, the feather floating up toward the ceiling._

_"Oh, well done!" Professor Flitwick cried, clapping. "Everyone see here, Miss Granger's done it!"_

_I smiled beneath the praise and tried not to blush with pride as I turned my attention to Ron again, who looked even more annoyed, if that was possible. I tried to talk him through it again, but he almost seemed like he was deliberately trying to disregard my advice, which was completely ridiculous as he'd just seen that it worked for me._

_I shook my head and tried to hide my smile as he continued to do it wrong, twirling his wand instead of swishing and mispronouncing the incantation. Spells, like so many other things, were all in the details. I wanted to correct him again, but forced myself to resist. He was already irritated, and I didn't want to risk losing one of my only friends in my new school._

_…_

I drew on another memory, forcing it to take over before Alastor got to see my complete breakdown when Ron mocked me after that class. He seemed to be deliberately searching out the most personal moments he could find, so I thrust at him one that did not hold strong emotions.

…

_It was dark. Complete blackness surrounded me. The only sound was my own nervous breathing, which I attempted to quiet so that I could listen for movement around me. I tried a silent lumos, feeling a surge of relief when the light gave me some sight of my surroundings._

_There was a slight sound behind me, like a whisper of cloth, and I ducked instinctively just in time for the hex to go over my shoulder instead of into my back. I spun, launching a stupefy blindly, my lumos extinguished. In hindsight, making myself a glowing target probably had not been the best idea. I was sure that Professor Snape was going to berate me mercilessly for the oversight when this was finished, but I was more uneasy than usual since I was alone with Professor Snape. Harry and Ron had been "excused" from the lesson to work on potions' essays they'd completely botched on the first try._

_A nonverbal silencing charm allowed me to move without the scuff of my trainers giving away my position, and I sought to traverse the room without running into anything in the dark._

_…_

Alastor snatched back the control, delving into another memory of his choosing. A _much _more recent memory.

…

_The door had barely closed behind us before I'd wrapped my arms around Severus' neck and secured my lips to his. It had been a very long day, which I'd finished with hours of meditation that left me feeling an anxious kind of excitement and nervous energy. It seemed wrong to think of Severus as a security blanket, but I felt better with him than I did any other time. I felt safe and like I could let down my guard, which I rarely did, even when I was alone._

_He responded to my enthusiasm instantly, and followed when I steered him to the bed without parting our lips. When my knees contacted the mattress, he lowered me onto it beneath him gently, though at the moment, I'd not have protested falling in a graceless heap so long as he didn't let go of me._

_His tongue finally entered my mouth now, and I was powerless to prevent the small groan that slipped from me. Merlin, how did he _always _taste so good? My hands left his neck, one snaking down his chest while the other explored his back. He wasn't strongly built, but I didn't care. There was not a thing about this man that I didn't adore._

_One of his trembling hands moved slowly to splay across my stomach and I whimpered helplessly as his every touch left a trail of delicious flame in my skin._

_Our tongues danced in perfect harmony, and I noted in some distant part of my lust-addled mind, that this was utterly perfect. I felt like I was meant to be here, with Severus, doing this forever. It was the first time since I'd come to the past that I'd truly felt like I was where I belonged, and I knew that it was true. I did belong here. I belonged anywhere, anytime that Severus and I could be together._

_…_

Obscene levels of embarrassment and indignation at Alastor seeing that particular memory took the form of panic in my mind, but when my remembered thoughts turned toward how hopelessly in love I'd become, panic became simple fury at anyone except Severus knowing those things.

My will coalesced into a force more tangible than I'd realized was possible within one's mind, and I launched myself at Alastor's presence, shoving him violently out of my mind.

Agony seared through my head momentarily at Alastor's forceful expulsion, but it was absolutely worth it to have him gone. The grimace on his face that indicated it had hurt him as well gave me a grim sense of satisfaction.

Still, I knew that my cheeks were burning brilliantly with arousal at reliving that memory, but anger and embarrassment added to the blush at the knowledge that Alastor had seen it too.

"You son of a bitch," I growled, even though I knew perfectly well that he'd chosen that memory specifically to get this kind of reaction. To provoke me into successfully expelling him for the first time in the month since we'd begun these sessions.

He shrugged off the pain easily and chuckled at me shamelessly. "I may have to target those kinds of memories more often," he threatened pleasantly. "Now that I know how to motivate you."

Responding with anger would get me nowhere. The prat was right, as we both well knew. And it had felt good to finally harness that kind of control.

"You," Alastor continued, addressing Severus, "were easier to figure out. You jumped right to the bottom of the barrel, didn't you?"

I watched Severus' eyes narrow dangerously and I suspected that his trigger had been worse than mine. He didn't look embarrassed. He looked homicidal. I leaned forward to grasp his hand and squeeze lightly.

After a moment, his dark eyes flicked over to meet mine. "Annoying as this prat is, he's actually right," I explained quietly, completely ignoring Alastor's presence – and his amused huff at my wording. "There's no time to learn this gently."

His eyes narrowed and he seemed to be considering that carefully. He glanced quickly at Alastor before apparently dismissing him as I had. "Why is it so important to learn this quickly?"

"Oh, you didn't tell him," Alastor said in tone of revelation. He looked thrilled by this bit of information.

"Obviously, you can see how that would be counterproductive until he's learned this," I growled at the auror.

"Obviously," he agreed gleefully. "I am curious though if you're going to make him take a Vow as well," he went on. "The two of you seem quite… serious," he said suggestively, "but teenage romances can be very unpredictable."

I closed my eyes briefly and willed myself to not snap at the infuriating man. Amazingly, I actually liked the future Mad-eye better than the present, even if he was a bit insane. Of coruse, _that _Alastor Moody had never gone rummaging around in my head – that I knew… "Regardless of our romantic standing, Alastor, Severus is a member of the Order, just like me. _That_ is not going to change any time soon."

He was still grinning like the cat that got the canary. "Does he even know who you're hiding from?"

My blood heated further, if that was possible. He seemed completely intent on outing every secret that he wasn't bound to hold. Instead of snapping at the impossible man again, I turned back to Severus' who was now looking intently interested.

I mentally crossed my fingers for a positive reaction, and let out a breath that I realized I'd been holding. "I am, of course, concealing my past from Voldemort and his followers," I began, "but they are not the only ones. I'm also trying to keep it from Albus." At Severus' shocked expression, I forged ahead quickly, "Not all of it, of course. He knows the basics, and I've told him some of the details, but it would be extremely dangerous for me and others as well if he were to learn everything."

Severus reined in his shock as quickly as I could have hoped, and seemed to be thinking through what I'd said. I watched the thoughts flick rapidly behind his eyes and had no doubt that he was weighing the situation from all angles with the same kind of scrutiny I'd have given it.

Whatever path his thoughts had taken him down, it seemed to be a worrisome one as I watched his expression become increasingly uneasy. "You know that we'll never be good enough to keep Dumbledore out completely," he said at last, his tone slightly frantic. "Even if he can't see everything, he could destroy your mind if you fight too hard."

I sighed heavily and didn't try to deny it. "Yes, Severus. I am aware. I don't know what I'd do if it came down to it, but I don't think Albus would risk destroying me. Not so long as I remain useful."

"Useful?" he gaped. "_This_ is the man we're following? A man who'd _kill _you for his own benefit if you weren't useful enough?"

"Not for his own benefit," I corrected immediately, because I truly did believe that, "Albus would never do that. But if he believed that the fate of the war depended upon gleaning every secret from my mind that he could, I think it is possible." Actually, if he truly thought the war depended on it and couldn't get me to tell him what he wanted, I figured it was guaranteed that he'd do whatever he had to in order to learn what he needed. Still, I didn't think that was really likely, so I didn't want to burden Severus with that detail at the moment. No doubt he'd reason his way through it all sooner than I'd like.

"Fuck, Hermione!" he complained heatedly.

I leaned forward a bit to capture his hand in both of mine, holding it tightly.

"Stop coddling him, girl!" Alastor barked before I could say anything more. "Yes, boy, she is in danger. I'm in danger. You're in danger. This is war. Any of us could die at any time."

"Alastor, stay out of this," I growled at him. Sometimes it really seemed like the man expected every child of _two_ to be able to fully appreciate the enormity of the war.

"If you wanted me out of it, you should have told him before you got here," he returned without hesitation. "You think your mollycoddling is helping anything?"

The annoying answer was, no, I didn't. But I wanted to do it anyway. Because this was Severus. _My _Severus.

But Alastor wasn't waiting to see if I'd respond as he turned his attention back to Severus. "You think you're old enough to fight in this war, boy, then you're old enough to face the truth. You and your girlfriend could die any time. Get used to it now, because it's only going to get more dangerous."

Severus closed his eyes with a sigh and I watched the pain on his face demonstrating that he was most certainly absorbing that fact. After a long moment, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. "All right," he said evenly, turning his hand over beneath mine to return my grip. "If we're going up against Dumbledore, we'd better get back to work."

I was glad that he seemed to be taking this so well, though I probably should have expected it. In my timeline, Severus had become a Death Eater around this age. He'd not have survived that if he couldn't keep a cool head.

**~.~.{o}.~.~**

The second half of the lesson passed similarly. Severus' progress wasn't exactly surprising, considering what I knew about him in the future, but it was a bit frustrating to watch him attain, if not surpass, in a single session what had taken me a month to manage. Alastor truly seemed impressed, and he was actually a bit more vocal with his praise than I'd expected. Certainly more vocal about it than he'd been with me. After the second time he was forced from Severus' mind, I began to suspect that the auror was tailoring his reactions to what he thought would serve us best. Severus' insecurities likely made the praise beneficial to him, while my refusal to fail at anything made the harsher approach more helpful. Not that that made it much easier to stomach.

I quickly discovered that sharing sessions with Severus was actually beneficial to me though. While I knew that I was picking it up more quickly than most people probably could, I inevitably compared myself to Severus now, which made me work even harder to excel.

I was utterly exhausted by the time our session ended for the day just before dinnertime. Alek returned right on time to apparate us back to Hogwarts. Though Severus probably could have managed to take the both of us, he looked as bad as I'd felt after my first lesson, and I was glad that we didn't have to see if his concentration was good enough to avoid splinching us.

Alek disillusioned himself upon our arrival back in the little copse, and left us to return to the school alone. We didn't talk during the walk, devoting all of our energy to walking. We didn't talk over dinner either.

When we'd finished our meal, enough of my energy had returned that I couldn't justify foregoing my evening meditation, so I left Severus outside the Hall to go up to the Room of Requirement. When I found the door already there, I sighed heavily, thinking of a few creative hexes I'd like to try out on Sirius for using that room as his personal bachelor pad.

Sure enough, when I'd opened the door, I found him sprawled over someone on the bed.

"Sirius!" I snapped.

He jerked with a startled yelp and spun around to face me, trying to simultaneously shield his crotch and his partner.

He succeeded in neither, though I could care less about the former.

I completely forgot what I'd been intending to say next when I got a look at the… _man_ he was snogging. My jaw fell open, but I was utterly speechless. Sirius, the ultimate ladies' man, was _bent_?

For a long moment, no one said anything. Eventually, I remembered how to speak. "Wow," I huffed, a grin tugging at the corners of my lips. "So sorry to interrupt. You can have the room tonight."

I started toward the door, utterly bewildered by this turn of events.

"Hermione, wait!" Sirius gasped. "You're not going to tell anyone-"

"What happens in the Room, stays in the Room, Sirius," I smiled, turning back to look at them again when I reached the door. "My lips are sealed. Goodnight, Sirius," I smirked, then looked at the other man's bright red face and puffy lips. "Remus."

I left before they could respond, and stood for a moment in the corridor, processing what had just happened. Sirius and _Remus_? Surely this must have happened in my timeline as well. It did explain a few things about the two men, especially the events at the end of my third year.

_Poor Remus_, I couldn't help but think as I started toward the dungeons. What must he have gone through when he thought Sirius was responsible for James and Lily's deaths? And then to find out twelve years later that he'd been innocent all along… It was quite possible that this relationship – if that's really what it was – wouldn't last beyond Hogwarts, but even if that was true, it had to have built a stronger bond between them than simply friendship.

As I walked, I recalled Sirius questioning me about whether I cared how people would see my relationship with Severus. And the conclusions I'd drawn at the time – that Sirius had truly fallen for someone, even if he didn't think the rest of the school would necessarily approve. This was more than a school time fling or boys experimenting, I concluded. At least for Sirius, it was. I hadn't the faintest idea if the two of them had been in any kind of relationship after Sirius had been exonerated in the eyes of the Order, but either way it had to have been so awful for him when Sirius had died so soon after he'd gotten him back.

By the time I got down to the common room, I'd decided that I didn't know what to decide about Sirius and Remus, except that I was very happy that they had each other, shocking as it would surely be to the entire school if they came out with it.

Severus wasn't in the common room, and I was suddenly consumed with the need to see him. I bypassed the girl's hall, pretending like Lucius wasn't staring at my back as I turned down the hall to the boys' rooms. I knocked on Severus' door and waited.

It was pulled open a few moments later and he looked at me with surprise.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

He nodded uncertainly, stepping back so that I could enter. "Is everything okay-" he started to ask.

I silenced him with my lips, twining my arms around his waist.

It took him only a heartbeat to respond, and then he was returning my kiss with interest.

I vaguely noted him swinging the door shut behind me, and then he'd pressed me against it. This was exactly what I'd needed. The unquestioning affection of the one person in this time that I knew truly cared about me.

I somehow managed to direct us across the small room to his bed, and fell on top of him, my knees coming to rest on each side of him as I straddled him. My hands roamed his body almost of their own accord. I couldn't stop touching him. His face and hair, shoulders and chest received equal attention as I surrendered myself to this moment that belonged to us alone.

His hands explored me in return and I almost came undone when his hand brushed against my breast. My reaction seemed to give him more confidence. His hand deliberately closed around my breast and I felt my blood light on fire. I was pretty sure that I was making incoherent noises, but I was beyond caring. His other hand found my other breast. It felt so good that I wasn't even embarrassed by my wanton whimper for more.

I pressed my crotch down onto him, desperate for more stimulation.

But then his hands moved to my hips, restraining me, and he broke the kiss. I was pretty sure I whimpered in disappointment this time.

"Wait," he gasped. "Just… I'm gonna… Just give me a minute."

It took a moment for my lusty brain to focus enough to understand the problem, and I felt my face flush brilliantly as I realized exactly how hard the bulge beneath me was. He didn't seem to be in much better shape than I was. A few more seconds, and we'd have both lost it completely. I desperately wanted to defy his hold and throw us both over that tantalizing edge. The quiver of panic that had been in his voice was the only thing that prevented me from doing just that.

"Sorry," I breathed regretfully, burying my face in his neck as I struggled to reclaim my grasp on logic. And maybe remember that I was a virgin and not the lust driven deviant that my body seemed to wish I was.

"It's okay," he whispered in reply, trembling slightly.

We remained in that position for some time while our breathing began to even out. He recovered before I did, and gently resituated us so that we were lying properly in the small bed. I rolled onto my side and he slid snugly into my back. It was absurdly difficult to ignore the softening bulge pressed against the small of my back, and I wondered how it was possible that Severus could have this kind of effect on me. I'd certainly never felt anything like this when I'd kissed Viktor. Ron had definitely never done anything to inspire this feeling. It made me incredibly happy to know that Severus alone, _my _Severus, could do this to me.

And then I remember our Occlumency lesson, and embarrassment cooled my arousal. The very thought of Alastor seeing _this _memory was enough to convince me that I'd have more luck in our next lesson. I would fight like mad to keep his grubby mitts out of this moment.

"How did you convince Alastor to train me?" Severus asked suddenly.

I'd expected the question, but I found that it made me no more prepared to answer it. Withholding the urge to cringe, I leaned against him more firmly, and tried to console myself with the knowledge that I'd be able to tell him the truth soon.

"I just showed him your potential as I saw it," I replied casually. "Some of my memories of you dueling, standing up to bullies, and your intellect. You really are pretty impressive, Severus. It wasn't that hard."

I wasn't sure what reaction I expected, but when none came at all, I cringed internally and rolled over to examine his face. His lack of expression worried me as much as his lack of comment.

"Do you lie to me a lot?" he asked speculatively.

I literally gulped. He'd known that I was lying. Okay, so it hadn't been my best effort. Thinking about how much I didn't want to lie certainly wasn't helping my acting skills. Honesty seemed my only hope of reclaiming this situation without angering him further. "Okay, that wasn't completely true," I admitted uneasily. "I…" Damn. Honesty was great in theory, but I couldn't just tell him the truth, now could I? "Severus, please believe that I hate lying to you more than anything in the world. I would never, ever do it if I didn't feel it was absolutely necessary." There. That was about as honest as I could get.

"Why is it necessary?" he probed, his expression and tone still neutral enough to unnerve me.

"Because of Albus, mostly," I said quietly, willing him to understand how difficult this situation was for me too. "I just… You're amazing at Occlumency, Severus. It won't take you very long to learn it, and then I swear to you…" I took a deep breath and made the rest of the sentence a vow. "I will tell you everything."

For a long moment, he just stared at me without expression. Merlin, it unsettled me to see Professor Snape's expression on my boyfriend's face. Obviously they were the same person, but I desperately missed the warmth he usually directed at me.

"Just promise me one thing, Hermione," he said softly.

I nodded instantly. _Yes, please, anything. Just stop looking at me like that._

"Don't lie to me again."

I frowned warily, unsure how I could accomplish that.

"I understand if you can't tell me everything, okay?" he continued and I managed to not sigh in relief. "But no more lies. If you can't tell me, just say as much. I won't press it. At least then I'll know that I can trust what you do say."

I huffed a ragged breath as tears stung my eyes and I quickly slid flush against him, burying myself in his warmth and his spicy scent. I was a terrible person for ever having lied to this amazing man. But I wouldn't do it again. If it wouldn't have endangered him as well, I'd have confessed everything in that moment. He deserved nothing less. "I promise," I whispered fervently.

His arms tightened around me and I never wanted to move again.

"There is something else that I was wondering about," he said cautiously.

I braced myself for anything.

"You told Alastor that I was one of the most powerful wizards you've ever met," he said softly.

"You are," I said, surprised by the question I heard beneath his statement. I drew away from him enough to look at his face, which looked wary, but kind of hopeful. "Severus, there's not a single student in our year that could match you for power alone," I explained sincerely. "Not even James, though he's probably the closest. Well, he and Lucius," I amended.

"You could wipe the floor with me," he reasoned.

"If my magic was functioning properly, maybe," I allowed, "but that's only because I've had more training. On raw power though, I seriously doubt…" I stopped myself before the words could leave my lips as I realized that it would be a lie. "Okay, honestly, I have no idea," I admitted with a sigh. This not lying thing was more difficult than it sounded. I'd become far too accustomed to lying to everyone. But if Severus could put up with my secrets, it truly was the least I could offer him. "When my magic shifted, it changed completely. I think I may actually be more powerful than I was before," I explained.

Severus contemplated that for a moment while I watched him warily for his reaction. "I didn't think that was possible," he said at last. "I mean… I've heard of a dark ritual that is supposed to be able to increase your power, but…"

"Well, I can promise you I've not been practicing any dark rituals," I said with a small smile, hoping that he'd take comfort that at least my secret did not lie in that direction.

"Do you know anything about how it happened to you?" he asked cautiously.

Aware of the fact that I was directly contradicting what I'd told him previously, I answered honestly. "Yes." I rolled onto my back to stare up at the canopy of his bed, but I kept my hand in his. "I do know why it happened," I said softly. "It is very rare. Maybe even unique. I don't know. I can't… I can't tell you why yet," I admitted, hoping that he'd be able to stand by his promise not to press the issue. I wouldn't have entirely blamed him if he hadn't.

He nodded pensively and was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "You told Alastor that I was… invaluable to the Order."

I very carefully _didn't _sigh in relief as he changed the subject.

"And I know that we kind of already talked about this, but…"

He was worried again that I had alternate motives for being with him. It was absolutely vital that I disabuse him of that notion immediately. I rolled to face him again so that he could hopefully read my sincerity – he'd been very good at reading people in the future, so I could only assume that he was at least decent at that in this time.

I lifted my hand to brush my fingers lightly along his cheek and was encouraged when he leaned into it. "I believe that, Severus. Truly, I do," I told him with quiet intensity. "But you are more important to me than the Order or the war or any of it. Please believe that. You're…" _You're everything._

"Alastor said… Well, he called me…" Severus said uncomfortably, but his eyes didn't stray from mine.

And I knew exactly what he was talking about, since it happened to be pretty heavily on my mind at the moment as well. I couldn't help but blush and drop my eyes down toward his chest. It shouldn't have been embarrassing, and I was sure that it wouldn't have been had we been together a few months, but this was all so new… It seemed absurdly soon for this revelation to come out.

But I wouldn't lie to him. About anything. Not again.

"You didn't contradict him," Severus continued. "Was that just because you didn't want to argue about it in front of me, or…"

I sighed nervously and nodded without looking up. "Or," I agreed.

"You… love me?" he whispered after a moment of silence.

I glanced up quickly to gage his reaction, but found that I couldn't hold his eyes for more than a moment. He didn't look particularly adverse to the idea, at least. "You're the best friend I've ever had," I tried to explain, aware that I was mumbling and hating it, but unable to do anything about it. "And I'm… well, obviously I'm attracted to you." As evidenced by the way I kept attacking him whenever we were alone together. But I had to keep going. I had to get this out or I was going to lose my nerve completely. "And I'm… always thinking about you, and I don't ever want to think about _not _being with you," I finished in a rush before I could change my mind about saying it. And then I realized that I was being a coward, and was promptly furious with myself. I drew on all my Gryffindor courage and met his eyes. "So, yes, I guess that's my idea of what love is," I informed him firmly.

His silence was deafening. His face horribly impossible for me to read. He looked… uneasy, but I couldn't tell if it was in a good way or a bad way. I knew that it had been far too soon for that to come out. I just hoped that he didn't think I was trying to pressure him into anything.

"Look, I don't expect you to say it back," I said quickly, averting my eyes again for fear of what I might see. Like relief. Though he had every reason to be relieved. "I'm sorry," I sighed. "Alastor was just being a prat bringing that up."

"Are you apologizing for _loving _me?" he asked, disbelief coloring his tone, though I still couldn't identify the source of it.

I studied him cautiously. "I'm not really sure," I admitted, because I really wasn't. "Maybe for admitting it too soon?" I ventured.

He laughed shortly, and leaned in to kiss me before I could figure out what he meant by the laugh.

Well, he couldn't have been too upset with me if he was kissing me, right? I lost myself in the comfort and reassurance in that kiss until he finally broke it, burying his face in the pile of my hair. "I love you, too, Hermione," I heard him whisper as he pulled me more tightly against him.

I barely withheld a sob of pure joy at hearing those words from him. Yes. I was exactly where I belonged.

* * *

**First, it's passed my bedtime and I'm very tired, so I hope I didn't miss too many typos. **

**Second, as I am so tired, I will not be posting Severus' side tonight, but I will try to get it up in the morning. Definitely at some point tomorrow. I didn't want to make you all wait any longer for this. Also, Severus' side of this chapter does include one scene that did not see here, so be sure to have a look at that.**

**Finally… BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! For those of you who do not already know via a PM or the comments on my author page, this chapter is the final installment in Part 1 of this fic. I will be starting Part 2 as a separate story, entitled (drum roll, please) "When A Phoenix Cries: Part 2". Inspired, right? Easy to find, anyway. Not to worry, you won't miss much, just a mere three week break in the storyline. Hopefully, there will NOT be a three week wait until I post it, but with my health, I find I can make no guarantees. Rest assured, my health issues are chronic and not acutely life-threatening. I wouldn't be so inconsiderate as to die and leave my poor stories hanging. I hope to see you all again as this story movies into Part 2.**

**Oh, and please don't forget to review. I greatly appreciate each and every one. :-D**


	17. NOT A CHAPTER

This is a notice that Part 2 of this fic has been started, as I had some people ask for the note. It is titled "When A Phoenix Cries: Part 2 - Old Magic" and the first chapter is now ready for your reading pleasure. Thank you all for your continued interest. Reviews are always appreciated.

-Falcon


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